


Aftershocks

by LadyMiLou



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Demon Yukio, Graphic injuries, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical stuff, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, season 1 divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:32:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 85,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7790344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMiLou/pseuds/LadyMiLou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road to hell is paved with good intentions and the Okumura twins are not prepared for the fallout. The battle doesn't end when the portal is destroyed, instead it just gives rise to a new one. Satan may have left many injured and dead, but it's the aftermath that has the greatest consequences. The Grigori are all too eager to have a pair of scapegoats for their mistakes that led to the incident but the Cram School students are not about to let that happen. Of course, nothing is easy when you're running, especially when you're fighting your own personal demons.</p><p>Slow burn, enjoy the ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, welcome to Aftershocks! It's been a few years since I've written anything but I'm hoping I'm not too rusty at it. I've been working on this story idea for a while and I actually have it all outlined with chapter 2 mostly done as well so I thought I'd give it a shot and see how you all like it. Updates should be fairly regular, I'm hoping one update every 2 weeks. Feedback is highly encouraged, please let me know what you think about the story and where I can improve as a writer.

* * *

  

Aftershock: (n) the effect, result, or repercussion of an event; aftermath; consequence

 

* * *

We won.

Those two little words keep echoing through my mind as I mostly stand and take in what everyone is saying. Shima is going on in great detail about Konekomaru reminding everyone about the sun still shinning in Vatican City and how Suguro came up with the idea to use the mirrors. Suguro is looking away, probably a little embarrassed by his friend's praising but he'd never let anyone know that. Kamiki and Paku are talking to each other but I can't make out anything over Shima's now very animated storytelling.

I'm leaning on Yukio with an arm over his shoulders. It's a little awkward with him being taller and my shoulder is being stretched uncomfortably but I don't complain. I look around and finally take in the damage the portal caused.

Rubble litters everything. Stones, bricks, chunks of concrete, all sorts clog walkways and every smooth surface. Windows have also been blown out leaving a shimmering layer of broken glass in the slowly rising morning sunlight. Every building in my line of sight is damaged to some degree though some more than others. The building to my left doesn't have a single window intact and one corner of the roof has broken off but that's it beyond superficial damage. Straight ahead though lies a dormitory and a whole wall has collapsed leaving student rooms exposed. I can't see everything from this angle but I can see a few bright pieces of clothing caught in the rubble and a student's bed poking out precariously from the top floor. A few pipes must have burst under the stress because I can see slowly growing pools of water coming from the neighboring building.

It looks bad, but it doesn't prepare me for when I look to my right.

Sure I'd flown over the city during the fight and I know that to some degree I realized the damage, but I must have pushed it aside to focus on my goal. Now that I'm looking out at the city without the battle in mind, I feel faint.

Smoke clogs the air trying to choke out dawn's light. Most of the fires seem to be put out but some still rage on and those that have been exterminated still expel dark clouds, not willing to give up just yet. Many buildings are just gone. Piles of ash in deep craters dot the city and around them lie piles of rubble. Bridges are split in two, cars and busses are overturned and crushed together, all the trees are stripped of their leaves and stand as smoldering husks of their former glory, and now that I'm listening truly listening, I can hear it. It's faint because my hearing isn't quite as good in this form but I can hear it. Sirens, yelling, but above all, screaming.

Didn't people evacuate? The portal spawned here before moving onto the city, there had to be enough time for people to escape! Right? No, clearly not everyone managed to evacuate the city. Those screams are pained and I don't want to even start to imagine what pain it is those people are feeling.

My vision starts to get fuzzy as the pride of winning and adrenaline start draining away. Instead, I'm feeling dread, fear, and guilt. I feel myself suddenly lean on Yukio more and slip a little. His reflexes are fast though and he pulls me back up.

"Rin? Rin what's wrong?" His voice sounds funny, kind of distorted. I try to look up at him but my head and limbs feel cold and numb.

"Shit man, he's losing a lot of blood!" I think that's Suguro's voice but things are getting harder to understand. I do manage to look down at my feet though.

Oh, that is a lot of blood.

It seems like the blood had been running down my right leg because now there's a small puddle of crimson around my foot. I thought the bleeding had stopped. I feel myself moving down more, sliding in Yukio's grip.

"What the hell happened?!" He sounds angry. He shouldn't be angry, it's not Yukio's fault.

"I-I…I shot him…with an exorcist bullet."

"You what?!" Too many voices that time and the ground is getting closer.

"Why didn't you say something before man?!"

"It wasn't really me! I didn't do it on purpose!"

"This looks really bad…"

Suddenly I feel a pair of hands pulling me up and over onto Suguro's back. I don't even get a second to really understand what's going on before he's running. Seriously, how strong is this guy? I know I'm scrawny compared to him but I'm not that light. Heck, this is the second time this guy has carried me like this, what's his deal? His arms are looped around my legs and holding my knees. While he is leaning forward quite a bit to keep me from slipping, my arms aren't helping much in keeping me up by just hanging over his shoulders. I try to make myself hold onto him but my limbs aren't cooperating. When I fall a little down his back Suguro just moves his arms further to where he's basically holding my thighs. That can't be comfortable, his shoulders must be in agony from holding me at that angle.

He stumbles over some rubble causing me to lean and push on my right side. I let out a groan and burrow my face into his shoulder. Shit, this can't be good.

"You idiot! How could you have not said anything?!"

"Guess I forgot about it. Kinda had other things to worry about." I manage to mumble.

I can hear him growl, seriously growl. "I swear if you weren't so badly hurt I'd beat some sense into your dumbass."

I manage a weak laugh but that's a bad idea. A sharp jabbing pain radiates from the bullet hole and I hiss as it creeps up my side and back. I can hear footsteps pounding behind us but I don't look back to see who all is following us.

It doesn't take too long, just a few minutes and we're in front of the medical building on campus. The main power must be out because the sliding doors are open halfway. Suguro stops in front of a woman who seems to be in charge just inside the doorway. I don't pay attention and instead look around. Clearly they're running off of generators because only half the lights are on. It also looks like the lobby is being used to treat minor injuries. Doctors and nurses alike are pushing through throngs of people trying to get those with small injuries treated and out as quickly as they can to make room for others. For the most part it looks like the injuries range from a few stitches to broken bones. Anyone with injuries not requiring treatment are quickly pushed out. One student is literally being pushed to the door by a nurse yelling "It's just a sprain! Get out of here so I can treat people that are actually hurt!" The kid simply looks shocked holding his injured limb.

It must have been the second Sheimi noticed how many people are hurt and how few there are to help that she jumps in. She rushes up to girl with burns mottling her right arm and immediately starts asking for plants from Nii.

Her actions seem to jolt something within the others because I hear a "Come on! Let's see how we can help!" I think Paku must be the one who says it because she runs off with Kamiki, Shima, and Konekomaru behind her. Good for them.

Suddenly I'm moving again but this time being placed on a bed. Suguro gives me a look when he stands back up but I don't bother figuring it out, I'm distracted by all of my blood smeared on his back and arms.

A nurse appears at the foot of my bed and starts pushing. She's talking to Yukio as he keeps up next to her. Probably telling her exactly what happened, I can't pick out anything with the loud buzz of so many people talking in one place. Or maybe my hearing is getting worse. That can't be good.

I don't know what kind of room we arrive in at the end of the hall but it's just as chaotic as it is in the lobby only this time it's clear the injuries are more serious. I wince when I see a teacher with a shoulder clearly wretched from its socket and shards of glass protruding from the connecting arm. We only pass through the room and end up in what must be an operating room because it's empty save for equipment. Following us in are more nurses and a second bed.

Yukio gets shoved onto it before he can utter a single word of protest.

I don't get to see much, just a long enough glance to see them yank his coat off to start poking and prodding him. Most of his injuries aren't bad, just some bad gashes, a few burns, and a lot of bruises but it's clear almost everything has healed by now. In fact, the bad gash he'd received on his shoulder is now just a thin cut with a small trickle of blood leaking out. Still, the nurses instantly go to work. Probably doesn't help that Yukio knows most of them personally and they're eager to find out how he's changed.

As for me, they learn pretty quickly how colorful my swearing is.

A nurse quickly cuts off my shirt and as soon as the wound is exposed another pushes a wad of gauze against it. A string of profanity leaves my lips and honestly, the pain is so intense I don't even know what I say. All my mind is processing is the waves of pain constantly assaulting my mind. My side feels like it's on fire and just slowly consuming me with each wave alighting more and more nerves. I can feel tears streaming down the corners of my eyes and onto the pillows but I don't pay attention to them, I just focus on trying to survive this.

The nurses and a few doctors now surround me and are bouncing ideas back and forth. I can't tell exactly what they're saying but one thing's clear, they don't know what to do. They don't know how to treat demons, they're trained to kill them. Would be a bit oxymoronic I guess. It doesn't take long for them to debate what to do because it all boils down to that one point, they don't know how to treat me. They don't know how my body will react to anesthetic, antiseptic, stitches, nothing.

Finally a doctor starts to examine the wound, he pokes around the edges as gently as he can but each touch ignites a fresh wave of pain. He mumbles something about my kidney and manages to look at the hole on my back without flipping me over. I do catch that he says it's a through and through. Thank god, that means they don't have to fish the damn thing out. He stops and starts giving orders so I manage to breath for a second.

By now I've realized a few things. One, my body isn't healing. The bed is covered in gore and more is still flowing out of the hole. I'm not looking at it but I can feel the slow trickle down my skin. I've been in harsh battles before, I've suffered some serious injuries. But every time my body has recovered. Sure some more serious ones took a while but maybe an hour and the bleeding would stop. Hell, I broke my hand in several places and a few ribs in the last fight with Amaimon. That only took half a day to heal.

The second thing I realize is that exorcist bullets are no joke. I have no idea what's so special about them, what they do, or how they're made because frankly I slept through that lecture. I've never been shot with a regular bullet as a human but I'm pretty sure it's not as bad as this. It's just a small hole, how is it that so much of my body feels like it's on fire?

Suddenly a pair of leather straps are placed around my waist and ribs. I don't get a chance to realize what's going on before cuffs go around my wrists and ankles too. I have a brief thought that I could easily break out of these but then I feel the needle.

I swear and scream louder than I thought was possible.

Every time the needle pokes into me I feel it. Every tug to pull layers of fat and muscle back together I feel it. There's no way this is normal, surely the bullet did something more then punch a hole through me. Still, there's nothing I can do but suffer through it. I can feel more tears streaming down my face and I'm trying to squirm away from the needle. The belts hold me in place though and all I feel are new bruises forming where the straps are. There has to be some kind of enchantment on them to keep me from breaking them. They were probably originally used in cells to contain demons for interrogations or whatever.

At some point a cloth gets shoved into my mouth. Whether it's to try and muffle my screaming or they think biting into will help is up for debate.

I don't know how much time goes by but eventually they stop. I manage to take a few deep breathes and open my eyes. Everything is watery and fuzzy, the light far too bright. I can feel my chest rapidly rising and falling with my heavy pants for breath pushing against the strap across my ribs.

I don't get much of a reprieve before a nurse moves up my side letting me know they need to flip me over to work on my back. I attempt to tell him to go to hell and just let me bleed out, but it just comes out as a series of pained groans around the cloth still in my mouth. I feel the leather straps get tugged off and several pairs of hands grip my right side.

"We're going to roll you over Mr Okumura ok?" The nurse says. "Count of 3."

"1." No, I can't do this anymore, leave me alone!

"2." Please, just leave me alone, my body will heal eventually! I'm part demon!

"3." The hands start pushing me. All I feel is somehow worse pain than before and then total darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for chapter 1! Like I said before, chapter 2 is pretty much done with just some editing left to do. I'll probably stick to the biweekly update even if I finish sooner and just work on chapter 3 to ensure it'll be ready in time. Please let me know what you think and how I can improve!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Silver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, so I know I said biweekly on Chapter 1 but I couldn't resist. This has been done for over a week and I just keep going back and editing it/rereading it to the point where it has to be unhealthy. There's only so many times you can tweak something before you need to get rid of it, right? Anyways, I want to apologize for one thing in advance: I'm a total medical junkie. It doesn't help that I have a BS and pursuing an MPH now on top of having worked in a hospital for several years but I tried really hard not to go overboard. Anyways, enough of this junk! Enjoy Chapter 2 everyone!

It takes a few minutes for me to be fully aware when I come back to it. On top of that, my senses come online in stages which is a completely disorientating.

First it’s the pain that I register. It isn’t anything like it was before but I can still feel sharp, shooting pains in my side. I groan and curl in on myself trying to make it go away. I’m already on my uninjured side so all I can do is pull my knees up and tuck my head down. I know it’s just an instinctual thing to protect my core in this position but I really don’t care, I just want the pain to stop.

A pair of soft hands start running through my hair and another pair grab my left arm. Scent and hearing come to me at that moment but I can’t understand anything, just a bunch of noise that can only be described as buzzing at different pitches. I do recognize one smell right away though, Sheimi. There’s no way of mistaking the barrage of plant smells for anything else. I can also smell the overwhelming stench that can only be described as hospital. It’s hard to pick out things individually, there’s just the overwhelming scent of cleaning products and something else that just puts you immediately on edge. My sense of smell didn’t heighten too much when I changed and I never put much thought into it, but now I’m wishing it had so I can get more information without opening my eyes.

Once I piece together as much as I can, which honestly isn’t much more, I slowly open my eyes but everything is too intense. The light is too harsh, colors are too bright, it’s too much of an overload. I hiss in pain and close my eyes again, curling further into a ball. Sheimi’s hands pause in my hair but the one’s on my arm grasp a little tighter. Hearing starts to get a little better, the noises no longer sounding muffled like I’m listening through a wall. After another minute passes and I can finally pick out voices as well as understand them.

“-‘s ok Rin, we turned off the lights. That should help a bit. It’s ok.”

I slowly open my eyes again. Sure enough, the lights are out and the curtains are pulled shut. I can see the orange glow of a street light bleeding out behind them but really the only sources of light are the green glow from various machines in the room. I notice my left arm held out straight by Suguro, one hand is holding onto my bicep while the other is at my wrist. I look at the crook of my elbow and see that a needle is in it.

Well that explains why he’s keeping my arm straight. I try not to imagine what would have happened if I’d bent my arm.

I follow the tube that’s coming out of it to a heavy looking machine on wheels. There’s two larger wheels moving on the outside and a few digital numbers glowing on a screen in the middle but they don’t mean anything to me. I notice another line is coming out of it and follow it to Yukio. He’s got a matching tube and needle in his right arm resting on top of the sheets of his bed. He’s propped up a bit on his back and sound asleep. Someone has taken off his glasses and laid them on the table against the wall.

I take a second to really examine my brother. He doesn’t look relaxed in his sleep. His brows are furrowed and his nose is wrinkled like he’s having a bad dream. I hope he’s ok, it pains me to see him like that and I really want to talk to him about what happened. Other than that though he looks physically fine. He’s in a light blue hospital gown covering most of his upper body but the injuries I remember on his arms and face are already gone.

I let out a sigh and look at the machine connecting us. What the hell is this thing? I must have a confused look on my face because Suguro starts talking.

“You lost a lot of blood and passed out during surgery. When you didn’t wake up right away they realized your demon blood wasn’t replenishing itself so they started a slow blood transfusion. They didn’t know how much blood you would need or how your healing works so they just hacked this set up together and hoped for the best. Bit of a shortage on half demon children of Satan to figure this shit out.”

I manage a small smile at his joke. He’s sitting on a stool with wheels hunched over a bit to keep a grip on my arm. He’s in clean clothes and I can smell a bit of soap still on him. I wonder briefly how much of my blood was on him which reminds me about what they did before I passed out. I feel my expression fall.

“Well I wouldn’t exactly call it a surgery…” I mumble as a lame joke mostly to myself. Suguro seems to hear me though and his eyes widen. Before he can say anything Sheimi speaks up.

“How are you feeling Rin?”

Her voice is soft behind me. I try to roll onto my back so I can at least see her but a shooting pain in my side prevents me before I’ve moved much. I manage to keep myself from groaning in pain but Suguro doesn’t miss what happens. He jerks his head to call her over to this side.

I can hear her quick footsteps and in a second she’s on her knees by my bed.

“Oh I’m sorry, I should have known better! What can I do? Where does it hurt? Should I call the doctors?” She’s babbling, something I’ve noticed she does when she’s nervous.

“I’m fine I’m fine.” My voice is hoarse and my throat is beyond sore, how long have I been out? Did I scream that much with the stitches? “If you don’t mind though, could you get me some water?” I hadn’t even finished the last word before the door shuts behind her.

The following silence is a bit unnerving since all I can hear are mine and Yukio’s heart rate monitors.

“How long have I been out?” I look up at Suguro.

“About six hours.” This time it’s Shima who speaks up somewhere behind me. I had detected another person being here but I’m surprised it’s him. “It’s almost midnight, the battle was over 24 hours ago.”

“You really haven’t missed much.” Sugero picks up. “The train tracks were easily cleared so pretty much everyone that could leave, left. Not too many civilians remained but those hurt were taken to surrounding hospitals. This place is strictly for staff and students so after people were fine to go they hopped onto the trains. Seems like nobody wants to stick around here, can’t say I blame them. I’m sure a ton of people got temptaits so they really saw what happened. The place has been pretty empty for the last few hours too.”

I take a second to process that before I realize something. I feel my heart stop and can hear the monitor stutter it’s beeping. “How many people died?”

Sugero makes a face like he knew I was going to ask that question but was really dreading it.

“Last I heard 207, almost all civilians in the city…What? He wouldn’t have let it drop and lying wouldn’t have done any good.” That last part is directed at Suguro who’s glaring at him.

I drop my gaze to the needle still in my arm. I had started to feel better but now I’m feeling cold again with the knot in my stomach making me feel nauseas. All those people…they died because-

I don’t even get to finish that train of thought because Suguro gives me a light smack upside the head. It doesn’t really hurt, but it does get my attention.

“Oh no you don’t, don’t you dare start thinking like that. I can see it in your face, it isn’t your fault. If it weren’t for you and Yukio that number would be at least five times that and growing because nobody else would have been able to destroy it. The portal spawned here at the school, you and Ms. Shura kept Satan distracted for hours which allowed civilians and everyone here at the school to flee.” He takes a deep breath, shoulders heaving in response. “It’s because of you two that anyone is still alive.” He says the last part a lot softer, gentle almost.

I don’t get to respond because the door opens again with Sheimi and a few nurses. Sheimi stands off to the side in my field of vision holding a styrofoam cup with a straw while the nurses walk up to me.

“Good to see that you’re awake, we were getting a bit worried.” I don’t really listen or focus on her, I’m looking back up at Suguro. “Unfortunately we’re playing a bit of a guessing game with all of this but since you’re awake we’ll take that as a good sign and stop the blood transfusion.”

She moves over to the machine and pushes a few buttons. It lets out a long beep and stops humming as the wheels stop moving. The other nurse pulls the needle out of Yukio’s arm and wraps the site with tape. He doesn’t really move, just flinches slightly before settling back down into his restless slumber. When the nurse who shut the machine off turns to me Suguro gives me a look before getting up and letting go of my arm. I hadn’t noticed how comforting that was until he let’s go. The nurse doesn’t pull out the needle though, she just twists a portion a few inches away and the tube detaches. The other nurse takes the tube still attached to the machine and hands her a syringe filled with a clear solution but missing the needle part.

“Thanks Yume. We’re going to keep this in your arm just in case we need to do something else. In the meantime, just be careful.” She injects the clear stuff into the tube and the last bits of Yukio’s blood disappears into my arm. She screws a little cap on before taping it down to my arm. The clear stuff is cold and makes me shiver, it also leaves a weird taste in my mouth and smell in my nose.

“Excuse me ma’am, um, how long will Rin and Yuki have to be here?” Sheimi’s nervous voice breaks the silence as the nurses continue their examinations.

The nurse, Yume I assume, taking notes by Yukio’s monitors answers.

“Unfortunately we’re not really sure. Like Mei said, we’re pretty much flying blind with how to treat them. We don’t even have baselines for vitals.” She finishes jotting down what she needs and turns to face us. “Typically for patients that require a blood transfusion due to injury we like to keep them for a few days to ensure no complications arise. Same case for GSW patients. However…”

“You guys really don’t know what you’re dealing with, we get it.” Suguro rolls his eyes.

Mei nods towards Yukio. “Mr. Okumura, Yukio that is, should be clear to go tomorrow as long as he doesn’t show any problems from giving blood but I’m willing to bet you’ll have to stay here for a few days Rin.” At that she turns to look at me. “We need to keep an eye on that wound. Speaking of which, we need to examine it. Is it alright for your friends to stay or would you like some privacy?”

Sheimi looks like she’s about to heard everyone out and I feel like a weight has been dropped into my stomach. I don’t like the idea of being alone, even if Yukio is asleep only a few feet away. “Nono!” too fast, too desperate sounding. Way to go Okumura. I take a breath and try to ignore how the monitor betrays me and my anxiety by beeping frantically. “They can stay, that’s fine.”

Suguro moves back a bit closer into my field of vision behind Nurse Mei.

Mei moves the thin blanket and sheet that’s been sitting around my waist to my thighs. It’s only then that I notice I’m wearing the same blue hospital gown as Yukio. I wonder briefly when they put me in one because I was still wearing my black jeans and cut up shirt when they stitched me up. Yume moves to the other side of my bed. She plucks gently at the fabric of the gown to pull it up, nudging my right arm to move it out of the way as well.

I’m watching them do this but I regret looking once the material is out of the way.

A thick piece of non-stick gauze is taped over the area on my stomach but it doesn’t hide much. The skin is a mottled blue and purple all the way to my belly button and wrapping around my side. The bruising is bad enough to look at but silvery colored tendrils are also poking their way out from under the bandage and that’s what makes me feel sick. Mei begins to pull at the tape and I have to look away. I’ve never had a weak stomach but if the rest of me looks like that I don’t want to look at the stitches.

My gaze settles on Suguro and I almost wish I had kept looking. He’s extremely pale with wide eyes and mouth hanging open slightly. Well shit, guess it looks awful to others too.

“Is it that bad?” Shima seems to notice his expression too and edges over to have a look. He flinches and looks away immediately. “Y-Yep, it’s that bad.” He mutters.

“Gee thanks, really reassuring.” I mumble back.

Suguro gives his head a quick shake before looking over at Mei. “What’s the silver stuff?”

 “From what we’ve been able to guess it’s the residue from the bullet reacting with his demon blood.” She takes out what looks like a black marker from her pocket and starts drawing on me. It takes me a second to figure it out but she’s marking where the silvery lines stop. I’m still refusing to look down at the stitches. She passes the marker over to Yume who starts marking on my back. “I’m not sure where you all are in your Exwire training but here’s what it comes down to:  the standard bullets used by Dragoons, much like all Knight weapons, are specifically made for Exorcists.”

“Yeah, when the bullet gets fired the energy from the small explosion triggers the engravings on the casing to allow spiritual energy into the shot. Knight weapons work in a similar way with the spiritual energy going into the strikes via engravings in the hilt and blade” Suguro provides.

Nurse Mei has her back to Suguro so he misses how her eyebrows rise, clearly impressed by his knowledge.

“Explains why so many Dragoons are riflemen and snipers, must be easier to put more energy into a single shot than a little in multiple.” Sheimi provides from her spot on the wall.

“You have some excellent teachers.” I hear Yume say. She’s done marking on me and I can feel her applying a cold substance on the stitches. “While the Dragoon’s spiritual energy put into the shot is what makes it deadly there’s still damage that can be done by just the bullet. It takes years of training to be able to put energy into each shot so as a backup if a Dragoon misses one, the bullets have a coating that breaks up upon impact. This coating has a lot in it, but the most important ingredient is holy water.”

“So the bullet can’t actually kill a demon but it can incapacitate them, right?” Shima is looking at the nurse behind me, clearly trying his hardest not to look at what they’re doing. I can tell he’s uncomfortable, hell his face is even paler then Suguro’s. So why’s he staying?

“Correct, that’s what we’re thinking is happening here. The residue from the coating is reacting with his demon blood since the bullet used didn’t have the spiritual energy to make it fatal. That being said, I’m sure it could have been fatal if it had hit your heart, a major artery, or head.” Yume starts taping down a new bandage. She tries to be gentle but it still hurts when she runs her finger over the tape to make it stick to my skin, I can’t help but flinch away.

“Sorry,” she murmurs. She puts the last piece of tape on the same way. “Done. The silvery lines are actually tracks the residue has made through your body as it follows your veins. Fortunately the bullet didn’t hit any major arteries and managed to miss your kidney so this should stay localized. We’re keeping track of how far it’s spreading to be safe, hence the marks. The best way we’ll be able to tell if it somehow to hit your blood stream or an organ is this will expand rapidly but we’ll also be able to tell when your body is fighting it when they shrink.”

“Makes sense.” Suguro murmurs. Nurse Mei finishes putting new bandages on my front in a similar fashion as Yume. She pulls the gown back down and gently pulls the bedding back up to my shoulder.

“We’ll be back every few hours to check on you and your brother, push the call button if you need anything ok?”

I manage a nod and they leave with the heavy machine.

Shima lets out a heavy sigh. “Well that’s a lot to take in…”

Sheimi rushes up to my side and holds out the cup. “Thanks Sheimi.” I giver he a smile before taking a huge gulp of water from the straw. The relief is instantaneous on my throat, the cool liquid instantly sooths the irritated tissue. I try to savor it and make it last, but I drain the cup in four huge gulps.

Everyone is quiet. Shima is picking at a thread hanging off his white shirt, Suguro is looking at the door with his arms crossed, and Sheimi is still on her knees by my bed looking at the spot where my stitches are hidden. The silence isn’t peaceful, it’s tense, heavy. I don’t like it all and I can’t figure out why.

I clear my throat. “So, where’s everyone else?” Shima’s shoulders sag in relief, I’m sure he’s grateful to have a change in topic.

“Koneko, Kamiki, and Paku are all at the dorm you and Yukio live in. Seems like that one is the only one not heavily damaged.” Suguro says while still looking at the door.

“We helped out as much as we could around the hospital but they made Bon leave right away. Health concern having that much blood all over him, can’t say I blame them for that call.” Shima gives an awkward laugh. “Anyways, he’s the one who checked out our dorms and got our stuff. Well, mine, Koneko, and his that is. They weren’t in too bad of shape but no power and water pipes busted. After he cleaned up he came back here and let us know. The others left probably a few hours ago for some sleep, we opted to stay here with you guys for the night. We planned on trading out around 6.”

I blink a few times. They planned on taking shifts?

“Trading out?”

“Well yeah, we weren’t going to let you and Yuki be here all by yourselves.” Sheimi sits back with a wide smile, her hands in her lap still holding the cup.

I really look at my friends then. Sheimi’s blonde hair is a little tangled and wavy in places. She must have taken a quick shower and let her hair air dry. I wince at the hand shaped bruise around her neck, that’s going to kill Yukio when he wakes up. I’m sure it hurts her a lot too, no way being choked unconscious wouldn’t. I can tell she’s tired. She may be sitting up and smiling, but her shoulders are drooped and she has creases around her eyes. Not surprising, she and the others have to have been up for almost 48 hours now. Shima is in his usual casual attire, though a bit more rumpled than usual. He doesn’t have his staff but I’m sure it’s somewhere in the room. He’s got a nasty bruise poking out from under his shirt along his shoulder and a few scrapes on his face. Suguro is in his purple sweat pants and black t-shirt, haven’t seen him in those since the exercise with the Reaper. He has a small bandage along the right side of his jaw and some bruising under his left eye. I wonder how his ribs are, he took a hard hit. His stance is stiff with his arms crossed and his shoulders tense, but not in a way to reflect being hurt. What’s going on?

“I really appreciate it you guys, but don’t feel like you have to stay here. I know it all looks bad, but really we’re fine.”

At that Suguro jerks and finally looks at me again. “We’re your friends dumbass, that’s what they do. Plus you nearly died! You really think we’re going to bail after that?”

“Well…no. But aren’t you guys tired?”

“Of course we’re tired.” Suguro snaps. “It’s ju-“ Shima elbows him in the ribs and Sheimi gives him a sharp look. He shuts up with a grumble.

Sheimi puts a hand on my arm. “It’s just we’re also still worried about both of you.” She continues in a very soft tone. “You guys have been through a lot, we want to be here.”

I can finally feel a smile crack. My friends…Sure there were a lot of mixed emotions when they first found out about my lineage, but I don’t hold it against them. Sheimi admitted she was a bit hurt I didn’t trust her with my secret but she said she understood after seeing how much I struggled with it. Izumo has always been blunt and says exactly what she’s been thinking. To be honest, I appreciated her a lot more after her little pep talk in the hall with the candles. I know it was Izumo just being Izumo, but I really needed that. Shima just said he was confused and apologized for being distant. He never said or did anything, just kind of stood back from it all. Not surprising with how Konekomaru and Suguro acted. Konekomaru apologized a lot but I forgave him as soon as I knew what was going on with the Gufu. We do crazy things when we’re scared, I wasn’t mad at him. As for Suguro…I can’t fault him for being protective, but I admit his reaction stung the most. I had hoped acting like nothing had changed would show them I was still the person they met at the beginning of the school year but that proved futile. I mean, saying they weren’t my friends anymore hit me the hardest.

Growing up I never really had friends. I had my brother, dad, and the monks at the monastery, but no one else. Can’t say I really fault kids my age for not wanting to be my friend. I was loud, I never paid attention to the teachers, I got into fights, I was reckless, but the thing is I still had strong morals. I could have easily gotten into the crowd with the other “bad kids” but I still had a strong sense of right and wrong, I didn’t want to do what they did outside of school.

So that left me alone, and I never liked it.

Coming to this school, I made friends, real friends for the first time in my life. I finally met people who wanted to around me, support me, and cared about me. To have one of them say they weren’t anymore, it hurt more than I could explain.

Suguro did approach me after the fight with the Gufu and apologize. I wish I could say I forgave him as easily as I did with Konekomaru, but it took a while. He had managed to hit my biggest weakness and it took some time to heal.

But now, now I know I can call them my friends. We’ve been through a lot together, but after the other night I know I can trust them and that they really care about me. They came to the rooftop when they found out what Ernst was doing, they tried to protect me from Satan, they got hurt because they cared more about my safety than their own.

I look each one of them in the eye. “Thanks guys, that means a lot to me.” A yawn slips out at the end.

Sheimi giggles and moves the hand from my arm back to my hair. “Get some rest Rin, we'll be here until the others come.” Shima nods behind her and Suguro does a quick jerk of his head. Hardly a nod, but I know he’ll be here too. Sheimi starts running her fingers through my hair again and I instantly start to drift off. I close my eyes and know there’s a smile still on my lips as I fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if I need to cut down on the medical...stuff, I don't want to take away from the story! I promise this chapter is really "the big one" with that but there will be some in future chapters. Thank you all for your support, I hope you enjoyed this installment!


	3. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, I made my biweekly deadline! Well, I did for those in the American central time zone and those further west...Anyways, enjoy the update everyone!

“Got any two’s Izumo?”

“Go fish.”

“Hey Rin, got any two’s?”

“God damnit Konekomaru!” I throw the two cards in his general direction just to make his life a little more difficult. Izumo only lets out a giggle but the other are flat out laughing. They’re cheating, I just know it. After losing the last six games of Go Fish there’s no other explanation.

Konekomaru picks the two cards off the floor and carefully places them into his hand, still chuckling softly.

It’s about mid-morning and we’re just killing time, Paku is the one who brought the cards. Not much else to do around here to be honest. True to Shima’s word I woke up to Konekomaru, Paku, and Izumo being in their place. And as an added bonus, Kuro had joined us at some point during the night. The demon cat had somehow gotten into the hospital and curled up at the foot of my bed while I slept. The moment I woke up though he moved to my belly and he’s stayed there ever since. It doesn’t bother me since I’m still on my side but it’s made playing card games a little more difficult. There’s no way the nurses are ok with him being here but they’ve yet to say anything, just worked around him during the checkups.

The pain in my side has gotten better, no longer a sharp shooting pain but aching with some occasional sharp throbbing. Still, the silver lines haven’t gone away. In fact they’ve done the opposite, now they’ve gotten longer and new tendrils have branched off. My midsection is covered in black marks with times the nurses checked them. Between that, the spider web pattern of silver, and kaleidoscope of purples, greens, and yellows of the bruising my body is starting to look like an abstract painting.

The nurses and doctors are nervous, I can tell that much. They keep saying they’re not concerned but I can hear the whispers as they leave. It also doesn’t help that early this morning I saw the nurses take a very pink looking urine sample from the catheter drainage bag at the end of my bed. So much for my kidney being ok, Yukio had to explain what that meant. As if it wasn’t embarrassing enough to have a catheter and a bag of piss I had to ask my brother if said piss being pink was a bad thing.

Yukio left about an hour ago. The nurses did a brief check-up before discharging him and of course all his injuries had healed. No bruises, no broken skin, and he showed no problems from giving blood. Sure they poked and prodded at him for a moment, but in that moment a few young nurses had poked their heads in asking if they could “steal Mr. Okumura to run additional tests.” I assumed these girls knew my brother before all this, probably more girls falling over themselves trying to get his attention. Jerk knew exactly what the tittering girls had meant too. He had sputtered and floundered for something to say but in the end the older nurse at his bedside had shooed them off threatening to assign them to cleaning bed pans.

Once they left he changed into his dirty clothes from the other night in record time. He left soon after saying he was going to shower and pack a bag. When I asked him why he said that he intended to stay here in the hospital with me.

“Noriko, got any 9’s?”

“Nope! Go fish!” Konekomaru grabs a card from the messy pile on the stool. We’d situated it between my bed and Yukio’s where they’re sitting.

“Any Ja-“ Paku’s sentence is stopped when the door bursts open.

“I don’t understand how you hide your tail!” A duffle bag goes flying into the corner of the room. “Or how you even wear pants!”

Yukio is standing in the doorway oozing frustration. His shoulders are heaving as he pants and his hair is disheveled. His t-shirt isn’t tucked in but it doesn’t hide that his jeans are nearly halfway down his thighs with his previously mentioned tail clearly visible behind him. I notice for the first time that it’s the same dark brown color as his hair. The short, fine fur seems to be standing on end and the long fur at the tip is puffed up to at least three times its normal volume.

We sit in silence for a moment before we all explode into laughter, even Kuro who was asleep next to me is laughing. My side hurts from it but it’s so worth it seeing my brother’s face turn scarlet.

“I’m serious Rin!” He throws his arms up in frustration.

“I know, I know!” I manage before bursting into laughter again when my eyes land back on his tail, twitching and flicking to further convey his irritation. Yukio grumbles something and stalks over to an empty chair by his bed.

I wipe my eyes that had teared up from a mixture of mirth and pain. “Ok, ok I’m sorry Yukio.” I take a deep breath to calm myself down. “It took me a while to be able to do much with my tail, at first I just shoved it down a pant leg.”

“But it keeps moving!” He whines the last part like a little kid.

“I know! That’s why I wore a belt around my chest to dad’s funeral, it was to keep my tail in place and not look like I was smuggling snakes at the graveyard.”

Yukio groans at that and throws an arm over his face.

“Sorry, it just takes time to be able to develop any control. It’s like learning how to work another arm, weird and not easy. Wrapping it around yourself and keeping it still is a lot harder than it looks. As for the pants thing, have you seriously not noticed that I cut holes in all of mine? Jeeze it was the first thing I did after the secret was out so I didn’t have to hide it or pay attention to it. Not exactly comfortable keeping it hidden all the time.” I am so happy to not have to do that anymore. Tail cramps are a thing and they really suck. “It’s not that bad though! It works as a great counterbalance when fighting! It’s just sort of cat-like the rest of the time being in tune with your emotions.” I flick my tail in emphasis at the end. It’s been just hanging off the bed for the most part.

“Explains why he looked like a ticked off house cat when he stormed in here.” Izumo mutters while re-organizing her cards.

There’s silence for all of two seconds before we burst out laughing again.

 

* * *

 

It’s not long after lunch when Suguro and Shima come back. It hasn’t been more than six hours since the others got here and I’m admittedly worried by their lack of sleep. There’s no way they’re rested especially with how long they were up before. It also doesn’t help those concerns that Shima comes in holding an energy drink and Suguro somehow looks grumpier than usual. I protest their lack of sleep but Shima just brushes it off saying they slept some after I was out.

Yukio asks where Sheimi is after a few moments. Suguro says she’s stuck at the shop and that she said she’ll be back as soon as possible. That worries me even more, what could possibly be going on at the shop that requires her attention?

After that Paku takes off for home. Izumo clearly wants her to stay but doesn’t say anything as her friend waves goodbye.

“She’s not even a Cram student anymore, it wouldn’t be fair asking her to stay with us. She belongs at home with her family.” She mumbles as the door closes behind her.

The rest of the afternoon is honestly boring. We play card games, sometimes someone pulls out a book, we go through the basic cable channels on TV, but everything feels off somehow. My friends seem tense, on edge. I swear Shima nearly fell out of his chair when his phone chimed for a text message. What I also notice is that they don’t leave me and Yukio alone. Sure one or two will leave for a while to get a snack, take a walk, but there’s always someone in the room with us.

I was starting to get annoyed.

I’ve been wanting to talk to Yukio for a while and even though it’s not necessarily a private conversation I don’t want to have it with an audience. I want to ask him about his new demonic attributes. Did his hearing get a little better like mine? Clearly his vision is still the same since he’s kept his glasses. Does the fur from his tail travel up the small of his back too? What about his strength? I want to know how we’re the same, how we’re different.

I also want to know what he’s thinking. I didn’t take things that well when my powers were awoken. Of course I was upset about dad, but finding out I really was a demon like all those people said when I was growing up? That was what kept going through my head for the first week. Did the whole world know and I was the only one in the dark? Dad, Yukio, everyone at the church, old teachers, classmates, they either knew for a fact or suspected. Guilt, sadness, anger, betrayal, loss, self-loathing, all those feelings raged like a vicious storm and I alternated from wanting to scream myself hoarse, destroying anything I could get my hands on, and just collapsing on the floor and hoping the earth would swallow me up.

Yukio though, what’s going through his mind? He knew I was a demon all along, so he has to be taking his transformation better than I did, right? And what about all the stuff with Ernst? Everything that happened when he was a Paladin? What about the fight?

We don’t get a chance to talk until well after dark. Only one of the cafeterias are still running and Izumo says it’s always busy. Plenty of staff members are still here and they hand out only a few options for each meal. So when Suguro, Konekomaru, and Izumo leave to get meals for us I know it’ll be almost an hour before they’re back. They leave Shima behind to watch us and sure enough the energy drink wears off leaving him passed out in the only decent chair in the room not 10 minutes after they leave.

Yukio waves a hand in front of his face, nothing. He pokes Shima a few times, still nothing. Yukio heaves a relieved sigh and turns to me.

“Well it seems like we finally have some time alone.”

“About time, what’s the deal with that?”

“I don’t know, but something is definitely up.” Yukio plops back down on his bed and pulls his tail into his lap. He made it clear he wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of cutting a hole in his pants but did so anyways. He seems to take every opportunity to hold onto it and fidget with it now. He starts carding his fingers through it, breaking up any tangles he finds. A new nervous habit perhaps?

 _They are acting weird._ Kuro looks up at me, speaking for the first time today.

“Well you’ve been awful quiet Kuro. I was wondering what was up.”

At that the demon cat turns his head slowly, giving Yukio a hateful look. _You SHOT Rin! How dare you! I would have never let you ride me knowing that! And that’s AFTER you almost SHOT **ME**._

Yukio looks shocked, his tail slipping from his fingers and sliding back down onto the floor behind him. I let him sit in silence for a few seconds before laughing awkwardly and scratching at Kuro’s favorite spot behind his ear in an attempt to ease the tension.

“Kuro, Kuro it’s ok. It wasn’t him, it was Satan.” Kuro gives me a sidelong look, eyebrow raised in skepticism. “What! You saw everything that happened!” The demon cat slowly lays his head on his paws, maintaining eye contact the whole time. I roll my eyes.

“Kuro I’m sorry, really. I let things get to my head and blindly followed someone who made promises and claims that I should have known were too good to be true! I swear, I never wanted to hurt you.”

 _But you almost did, doesn’t matter if you wanted to or not._ Kuro doesn’t look over at him and leans until his back is to Yukio, effectively ending his part in the conversation. Well that explains why he’s been so quiet.

I look up at Yukio to see him studying the floor tiles, his tail limp behind him. “We do need to talk about all of that you know? I really don’t know anything about Ernst and why you helped him. Heck, I think I missed a lot of info in that short time I was blacked out. One moment I’m up on that torture device and the next I’m looking at my demon brother possessed by Satan.” Yukio seems to lean forward more, trying to make himself smaller.

“Look, Rin, I know what I did was wrong but it was with good intentions.” He says softly to the floor. “I know we need to talk about it but can…can we wait a bit? Something else seems to be going on, something that’s being kept secret from us and I’d rather get that sorted out. I still need to get my thoughts together on everything else.” Yukio looks up at that last part.

I nod, understanding what he needs. “What could be going on though?”

“I’m not sure to be honest.” Yukio reaches behind him and pulls his tail back into his lap.

“Well, what about Sheimi? She never came back today, do you have any ideas as to why? I mean, the others said she’d come back as soon as she took care of whatever was going on at the shop.”

Yukio starts fidgeting with his tail again as he thinks. I readjust as much as I can on my side since my shoulder is starting to go numb. I’m so sick of being on my side but I’ve yet to be able to get onto my back comfortably. The nurses tried to help me earlier but the pain came back full force once my back touched the bed. They tried to use pillows to ease the pain and keep the area free from contact, but it didn’t work. In the end they put me back on my side and readjusted the pillows.

Yukio lets out a sigh after a minute of silence. “I don’t know. She said the shop and gardens were fine when she got here last night when you were still out. Perhaps there’s a lot of orders at the shop? Exorcists are still out in the city clearing out the lower level demons that came through the rips caused by the portal and making sure nothing stronger came with them.”

“Do you think it has something to do with what’s going on with the others? What they’re hiding?”

“Your guess is as good as mine, I haven’t talked to anyone else. Haven’t you noticed that every time I’ve gotten up to go to the bathroom or take a quick walk someone goes with me? They’re keeping an eye on both of us and I think they’re trying to keep me from talking to any staff members.”

“That is weird…Well, what if we just ask them? Call them out?” I trust my friends, I really do. But this? This feels wrong, like there’s something big going on and they’re doing everything they can to keep us in the dark. This isn’t right.

“I don’t know, what if we’re wrong? What if it’s us they’re worried about?”

“Well yeah of course they’re worried about us, they’re our friends. That’s probably why they’re hiding something.”

Yukio shakes his head. “No Rin, that’s not what I mean.” He takes a deep breath. “What if it’s us? What if it’s who we are and what we’ve done that they’re acting this way…what if they’re afraid of us?”

I hold back a laugh. Afraid of us? No way that’s it, they said they were fine! They apologized for acting the way they did before! They’ve accepted who I am, why would they feel differently now? Besides, if they were afraid of us why would they be acting this way? Wouldn’t they distance themselves, try to get away?

The expression “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” comes mind.

No! I shake my head, trying to push that thought out. These people are my friends, there’s no way that’s true! Suguro carried me on his back to the hospital when he realized I was hurt! Shima stayed even though he was clearly uncomfortable! Konekomaru pushed away before, wouldn’t he do that again? What about Sheimi and Izumo? Surely Izumo would be her usually blunt self and say it to my face!

My musings are cut short when Suguro, Konekomaru, and Izumo come in toting dinners for everyone. Each one carries two plastic to-go boxes in plastic bags. Shima jolts awake from his chair, immediately alert at the prospect of food. Konekomaru asks what dish he want’s but I’ve already tuned them out. I take one last Yukio and see that he’s plastered on a fake smile as he inspects the options for dinner. He doesn’t really think that they’re afraid of us, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE thank you for all the support and kind words! I'm absolutely overwhelmed by the number of kudos, views, bookmarks, and comments y'all have given me! I never thought this story would be appreciated by so many and it makes me so happy :D Thanks so much everyone, I'll get right to work on chapter 4.


	4. Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little late guys...I hope this chapter makes up for it! Thanks so much again for all the amazing support!

The following morning is when things start getting interesting. It’s a welcomed change for me since there’s no way I can survive very long and boring days like yesterday for god knows how long.

It starts when I open my eyes to find that Yukio is already up. That in itself isn’t surprising since he’s always been a naturally early riser but this morning is different.

Yukio is propped up against his pillows fully dressed with damp hair from a shower but he’s hunched over his open hands with the most broken expression I’ve ever seen. Disgust, anger, fear all play out across his features that aren’t hidden behind his hair and glasses.

I don’t have to wonder for long what’s caused this because I notice Sheimi sitting at the end of his bed with Kuro curled up in her lap. For a moment I’m really excited to see her, I was really worried when she didn’t come by yesterday despite what the others said. I look her over to try and find a reason for why she was gone but she looks fine save for a worried expression on her face and a hand gently rubbing her neck. She pulls her hand back a bit, revealing the colorful hand shaped bruise wrapping around her slender neck. The colors are more vibrant then I remember against her pale skin.

It takes me a second to realize what’s going on. Oh, right, duh. I was wondering when this was going to happen.

Yukio hunches forward more and chokes out “I’m so sorry.”

Sheimi heaves a sigh like he’s said that many times already. She drops the hand on her neck and places it on his knee. “Yuki really, it’s fine. It wasn’t you that did it, I don’t blame you at all. I was trying to bring you back and I got hurt because of what I did.”

Yukio finally looks up at her. He’s not crying or anything but I can see how hurt he is. “It doesn’t matter!” He hisses. “If I’d been stronger this wouldn’t have happened! None of this would have happened!” He throws his hands out and I’m pretty sure that last part is directed at me.

The following silence is only broken by the continuous soft beeping from the machines I’m attached to.

“Geeze will you give it a rest already?” Izumo’s voice cuts through the room like a knife somewhere behind me. “It wasn’t you that hurt her and you can keep going through ifs, ands, or buts all you want but in the end what happened, happened. Moriyama doesn’t blame you or anything, just accept that already.”

Good old Izumo, I really do like that bluntness.

“Izumo! You’ll wake up Rin!” Sheimi whispers franticly.

“He’s been up for a while.” I hear her casually turn a page. How the heck did she know I’m awake? I have my back to her!

Yukio and Sheimi turn their gazes to me and all I can do is offer a weak smile to confirm that yes, I had been up for a while.

Sheimi moves like she’s about to say something, probably ask for me to agree with her but the door opens. I look as best as I can but since the door is beyond the foot of my bed so it isn’t much. Kuro jumps from Sheimi’s lap to my bed and returns to his usual spot by my belly. He doesn’t lay down all the way though, he keeps his head up and alert for the newcomers.

After a second two nurses that have come in several times before and someone new come into my line of sight. He stands out a lot simply because he’s not wearing scrubs or even a white coat. Instead, he’s dressed in sharply pressed black pants and a dark red button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The exposed skin is bronzed from what must be a lifetime out in the sun and stretched over enormous forearms. I examine him further and notice broad shoulders stretching his shirt. Is this guy a body builder or something in his free time? It sure seems that way since he’s built like a tank. I look up at his face and feel a chill run down my spine. He’s got shaggy blonde hair and a scruffy looking beard which ordinarily I’d attribute to a laid back dude, but the moment I study his face is when that thought goes out the window. His eyes are a bright, piercing, and calculating blue that make me feel small and exposed. The age lines and wrinkles around his eyes and forehead make him look like he’s constantly scowling which does not ease that feeling. Kuro also growls softly next to me.

He takes a step in front of the two nurses and clasps his hands together. “Misters Okumura and friends I assume?”

He doesn’t speak loudly but his deep baritone still seems to echo through the room. He doesn’t give us a chance to respond either. “My name is Dr. Noah Thompson, I’m an Upper First Class Exorcist from the Queensland branch in Australia.”

Well that explains the weird accent.

He holds out his hand to one of the nurses and she places a black binder in it. “I’ve been summoned here to oversee your care since there’s such little understanding of demon biology. I run a research facility dedicated to that so I’m the most qualified for this.”

Well that makes sense but this guy still creeps me out.

He flips open the binder and starts going through the pages. “I won’t bother going over all of this with you but I will say I would like to start with an MRI. We’ll do this without contrast since I’ve found that demon bodies metabolize the dye too fast but it’ll still give us a better idea of what’s going on with that kidney.” He pulls a pen out of his breast pocket and starts writing in the binder.

…Huh? Most of that went right over my head, were those really words?

“Yukio Okumura, would you be willing to do an MRI as well for comparison?” Dr. Thompson doesn’t look up from writing. “It may not be necessary but it would be for the best to be safe.”

“Um, of course I don’t mind.”

Somehow it sounded like he wasn’t really giving Yukio a choice.

“Very good.” He clicks his pen closed before sticking it back in his pocket. He passes a paper to one of the nurses and the binder to the other before heading out the door. “One of you sheilas scrounge up a machine, I’ll be back after bumming a fag.”

Ok he’s definitely speaking another language and judging by the confused look shared by the lingering nurses, no one understood that last bit.

“Well he was interesting.” Izumo mutters after the door clicks shut behind the nurses. I can hear her typing out a text message on her phone.

“Yeah…interesting.” Sheimi agrees.

 _I don’t like him…_ Kuro’s ears are pulled back and he’s still glaring at the door. Well great, as if I didn’t have enough to worry about.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the morning is not pleasant. The two nurses from earlier come to get me less than an hour later by wheeling my whole bed to a room on the first floor. This machine is a hulking beast that fills most of the space but that’s not the worst part. This thing is LOUD.

They give me headphones to try and muffle the sounds but they don’t do much. For an hour I lay in that thing just wanting all the knocking, buzzing, and beeping to stop. When they pull me out my ears are ringing and a migraine is starting. At least this can’t get any worse, right?

Wrong.

Dr. Thompson doesn’t even let me rest to alleviate the migraine before pushing me into an x-ray room. They take pictures of every square inch they can before pushing me into a lab. It just keeps going from there, room after room, test after test. Vision, dental, blood draws, cheek swabs, blood pressure, something with a million wires that examines my heart, every part of me imaginable gets tested before its even noon. When I’m finally taken back to the room I’m absolutely miserable and exhausted.

“MRI nearly kill you too?”

I crack an eye open and see Yukio kneeling next to my bed. It’s hard to tell but I can see that he’s feeling miserable too. He reaches over and puts his hand on top of my head, ruffling my hair but also lightly scratching my scalp. That helps the pain. I push into his hand to get him to keep doing it. He gives a soft huff but complies.

Kuro jumps back onto my bed and rubs his face against my shoulder. Poor guy did not want to get left behind during my tests no matter how many times Sheimi offered to pet him. I scratch his ears and the base of his horns eliciting a few purrs.

“I’m so sorry Rin…” Ugh, not again! I turn to glare at him, I am so not in the mood to fight his little pity party.

“How sweet.”

I know that voice! I jerk my head over and sure enough Shura is leaning against the wall looking bored. She also has two guys on either side of her in exorcist uniforms.

“You could have knocked.” Yukio glares over his shoulder.

“You should have been able to hear me approaching.” She snaps back.

“What are you even doing here?”

“Taking witness statements and all that jazz. Unfortunately a lot happened and we need to get the facts straight. It also seems like we need to reopen the Yuri Egin case since a few people were less than honest 16 years ago.” Shura shrugs, looking like she would much rather be doing anything else. “Anyways, we already got Suguro, Miwa, and Shima’s last night. We still need both of yours, Kamiki’s, and Moriyama’s.”

“Why did they assign you to do this?” I ask.

A smirk appears before she says “You seem to have forgotten how skilled my interviewing skills are.”

I flinch at that and feel phantom pains from when I was “interviewed”.

“Anyways, let’s get this shit over with. They gave us one of the conference rooms on the first floor and the recording equipment is already down there.” Shura stretches her arms up over her head as she pushes off from the wall. “Chicken, you’re up first.”

“We’re being interviewed separately? Can’t you just do that here with everyone?” Yukio’s grip on my bed has tightened.

“Yeah, can’t I listen in? I haven’t even gotten the full story about mom yet.” I feel slightly guilty having only just remembered that detail. I mean sure a lot has happened over the last few days and I’ve gotten a few bits and pieces, but it’s not enough. I want to know who my mom was, what she was like. Do I look more like her or does Yukio? Was she reckless and loud-mouthed like me or calm and calculating like Yukio? Why did she willingly have children with Satan of all things? I know next to nothing about her and part of me is jealous that Yukio now has that intimate knowledge of our mother.

“Sorry kid, this is a messy situation.” Shura takes a few steps towards us and crosses her arms. “People got hurt, some even died. There’s a lot of damage not only to this school but the city. Our little organization isn’t exactly public knowledge and people are wanting answers. We have people working on that but in the mean time we still need to put the pieces together on what happened.”

Yukio looks back at me. I can tell he doesn’t like it but agrees with Shura. He ruffles my hair a little more before standing up to go with her.

“Get some sleep Rin, I’m sure I’ll be back when you get up.”

“I’m not worried or anything. Go get this crap over with, Chicken.” He gives me a glare at the use of Shura’s nickname for him but before he can respond he’s physically dragged out the door by her, the two lackeys right behind them.

 

* * *

 

My dreamless sleep that night is broken by the rough jostling of my shoulder. I’m so sick of being woken up all the time for these stupid vitals checks. Nothing has changed over the last few days and they never get anything more from waking me versus sleeping. What’s the point other than me never getting a decent night’s sleep? I roll my shoulder out from under their hand in an attempt to get them to leave me alone and go back to sleep.

“Damnit Okumura! Wake up already!”

That is not an annoying nurse.

I pry my eyes open as best I can while still being half asleep. The room is dark with only the orange glow of the street lights dimly illuminating the room since the curtains have been pulled open. I can’t make out the time on the clock across the room but it has to be the early morning hours with how dark it is. I look around and see that Yukio is sitting up in his bed rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Shima is by his bedside with a hand on his shoulder, clearly the one who woke him.

“Suguro?” I can make out his hulking form and strip of blonde hair even with his back to the only light.

“Yeah it’s me, now get your ass up already!” He hisses.

“Ouch!” I look over to see Yukio rubbing the side of his cheek and the duffle he packed days ago in his lap.

“Pack all the medical stuff, quick!” Shima whispers over his shoulder. He’s digging through the pockets of various pants lumped in the corner. “Ugh, where is your wal-ah!” He holds up the cheap leather bifold in triumph, tossing the jeans back into the pile. “Which card is connected to the account your teaching salary goes into?”

“Erm…” Yukio’s still sitting on the bed clutching the duffle, though now he seems wide awake and very confused. “The green one?”

“Got it!” He throws the wallet blindly behind him, hitting Yukio in the chest.

“Ow! Stop throwing things already!”

“There’s only four nurses at the station, they should start rounds soon so probably only one will stay.” Konekomaru slips into the room but keeps the door open a crack with his foot. I can’t make out much in the dim light but I can see the outline of a giant backpack slung over his shoulders.

“Here Shima.” He tosses something and it lands on the pile of clothes. Another backpack?

“Right, here’s the card.” Shima leans over and Konekomaru grabs it, stuffing the piece of plastic into his front pocket.

“Thanks.” He turns back to look out the door.

“Um, guys what’s going on?” If I wasn’t nervous before I sure as hell am now.

“Later.” Comes Suguro’s rough voice. “Get up and get dressed.” He leans down and wraps an arm around my shoulder from my left side.

Crud, this is going to hurt.

He pulls me up slowly and as gently as he can but my body still screams in agony. I feel the stitches pull and threaten to reopen, the already tender tissue begs me to cease, but I manage to keep from crying out. I get pulled into a sitting position with sweat running down my face and labored breathing on my part. Suguro keeps his arm around my shoulders to keep me from falling back.

“You ok?” He whispers.

I can’t vocalize the words but I do manage to nod after a few moments.

He pats my shoulder and drops a shirt into my lap. “Good ‘cause I’m not helping you change.” A small laugh escapes between pants. Despite what he said I feel a tug on the back of my hospital gown and the material slides off my shoulders. I don’t tease him about it though and carefully slip the thing off before grabbing the shirt.

“Shit, looks like they confiscated the key.” I look over at Suguro and can make out Yukio’s key ring in his hands.

“Well we figured they would.” Shima says. He’s shoving the pile of clothes he was digging through into the backpack. “Plan B it is. Koneko, can you text the girls to let them know?”

“Yeah no problem, I’ll do that once I’m out.”

Plan B? What the hell is going on?! Clearly everyone is in on whatever this is since Shima said “the girls”, but what?

“Ok, three of the nurses just left to do rounds.” Konekomaru looks over his shoulder at us. “They headed towards 301 and 302 so you guys only have about 40 minutes before they get here.” He looks back out for a second before turning back to us. “It looks like the one left is just working on the computer, we should be able to slip out to the stairwell easily since he’s got his back to this part of the hall.”

“Okay. We’re almost ready.” Shima is trying to zip the backpack but it looks like the zipper is stuck. Yukio is buttoning up his shirt and a bulging duffle bag is on the bed. It looks like he took Shima’s order to heart because hardly anything remains in the room. Hell, even the bulking thermometer and blood pressure thing were stuffed into the bag.

“Ready for WHAT?!” Yukio cries out just above a whisper as he gets the last button done. “Tell us what’s going on already!” He throws his arms out in frustration.

“LATER!” Suguro hisses from across the room. I hear a loud crunch and pieces of glass skittering across the floor. “Shima!”

“Got it, here!” I see something black go flying across the room and Suguro catch it. He quickly puts it on the ground and I hear another loud crunch and even more pieces scattering.

“Did…did you just destroy my PHONE?!” Yukio looks shocked with his mouth hanging open at Suguro.

“Alright, I’m going to go.” Shima and Suguro look over at Konekomaru. He takes a moment and looks at each of them for a second before taking a deep breath and slipping out the door, the click of the latch silent.

“Good luck Koneko…” Shima whispers. They stay quiet for a moment, just staring at the closed door. Shima’s the first to move and closes the last zipper of the bag.

“Rin, can you walk?” I manage to pull the gray sweat pants up to my thighs. It’s as far as I can go without getting up, plus my tail is still stuck underneath me. I try to ignore the discomfort of not wearing boxers.

“Not really, I’ve been helping him get to the bathroom since they took the catheter out after the MRI this morning.” Yukio answers before I have a chance. Gee thanks bro…His tail is flicking angrily behind him and hits the shade of a lamp, causing it to jostle and threaten to fall over.

“Careful! And of course you still can’t walk, that would make things easy.” Suguro mutters the last part.

I don’t have time to think about that because Suguro storms up to the left side of my bed and leans over. Fortunately I still have my hands on the sweat pants when he puts an arm under my knees and shoulders, scooping me up bridal style. I let out an undignified squeak but have some sense of mind to pull my pants the rest of the way up. My tail is bent awkwardly up my back so I fish it through the hole. He’s holding me so my uninjured side is against his chest so I sling my arm around his neck, wincing only slightly in discomfort when I feel the stitches pull.

“Hold onto that thing, I do not want to trip on it!” I grab my tail without question, holding the fluffy bit against my chest.

Shima slings the backpack on and grabs the duffle only to put it on Yukio’s shoulder a second later. He grabs my brother’s wrist and pulls him to the door with him, standing just like Konekomaru had.

“Ok, ready!” Shima says over his shoulder after a minute.

“Now wait just a second!” Yukio yanks his wrist away. “Ready for what?! Tell us what’s going on already!” Yukio huffs and crosses his arms, threatening to derail whatever it is they have planned.

“Fine!” Suguro looks at Shima who’s shaking his head. I feel his shoulders heave and a heavy sigh escapes him. He looks me straight in the eye and I see an expression I’ve never seen before.

He looks absolutely terrified.

He hasn’t even said what’s going on and already I feel panic creeping up my spine. If this is scaring him it really must be bad. I can already feel my breathing pick up along with my pulse and my arm tightens its grip on his shoulders.

“The Grigori have ordered to have both of you executed.”


	5. Destruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is another short-ish chapter guys, a lot happened these last two weeks in real life :/ The next chapter is going to be a lot longer, probably the longest so far to make it up to you guys. On another note, you guys are absolutely amazing! I never anticipated this story getting even a third of this much attention at completion, let alone only a few chapters in! Seriously, you guys rock and I can't even put into words how I feel with every kudo, comment, bookmark, and hit. Thank you so much

_The Grigori have ordered to have both of you executed._

I’m so jarred by that I don’t even realize Suguro has started moving. One second we’re in the hospital room and the next I’m flinching as he goes down the stairs. Only half the lights are on in the stairwell for the night, casting most of the area in shadows. Suguro’s heavy footsteps sound like thunderclaps in the eerie silence. I know he’s trying to go down the six flights as gently as he can but I still feel my side cry out with each step he takes.

Suguro makes it to the first landing between the third and second floor when we hear the clack of a door latch opening. He freezes for only a second before sliding silently into the nearest shadowy corner. High pitched laughter echoes up the stairs followed by footsteps.

Shit, they’re coming up from beneath us.

I can tell when Suguro realizes this by his arms tightening around me. He slides a bit towards the edge of the stairs we just came down. I look up and see his glance flickering between the flight we just came down and the stairs to level two, debating what to do. We can go back up, the person below probably won’t pay much mind to hearing another set of feat in the stairwell, but what then? We can’t go back to the floor. Should we wait to see what the other person does?

The laughter turns into words and the steps get louder, closer now.

Shit, shit, shit. I tighten my grip around Suguro’s shoulders preparing for the race up the stairs. He’s tensing up too, ready to run out of their line of sight.

There’s another clack, the squeak of hinges, then nothing.

We wait silently for a few moments but the footsteps and voice has stopped. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. That was close, way too close. We need to get out of this hospital, there’s no way we can get lucky for that much longer and they’ll notice we’re missing before too long.

“Probably a visitor on their cell phone, we haven’t seen any of the staff in this stairwell the whole time we cased it.” Suguro whispers as he starts going back down the stairs, a little faster this time and more jarring. Each bounce of a step down hurts and I know I’m holding my breath.

“You watched this stairwell? How long have you guys been planning this?” I manage to heave a breath on the landing for floor two before Suguro turns to go down the next flight.

“Since we brought your half dead ass to this place.” He snaps. “Look, we figured shit was going to hit the fan one way or another so we made a few plans. We had ideas what might happen and none of them good so we prepared for what we could. When we got word of the order we moved, hopefully before anyone else did.”

We make it to the first floor and I do not feel so good. Sweat is running down my face and I’m panting like I’m the one who just carried someone down all those flights of stairs. My stomach is churning, my head aches, all from a little rough transportation. Or maybe it’s the thought that people are planning my execution.

Probably both.

“Open the door a bit and make sure the coast is clear, we need to go to the left.”

I take a few deep breathes to steady myself and reach out to grab the handle with the hand holding my tail. I let it slip down to wrap around Suguro’s thigh to keep it out of the way.  There’s a sharp pain in my arm when I tug on the door causing me to look down.

Woops…I forgot all about the needle in my arm. Blood is blooming underneath the skin and threatening to ooze out around the needle. Suguro notices, of course.

“Seriously Rin?!” He hisses.

Is that the second time he’s called me by my first name? Where’s that coming from, he’s never done that.

“Ugh, we’ll take it out later. We need to get out of here.” He moves to where I’m practically smashed against the door but he manages to grab the handle and pull it open a crack with the hand under my shoulders. “Just look out and tell me if we can get out without anyone seeing.”

I turn to peer out. The door opens up at the end of a hallway with a lobby to the right. There’s a few people mulling about but mostly sleep deprived staff members. One is typing away at a reception desk while two others sort through paperwork, coffee mugs close to all of them.

“We’re clear, just be quick.”

Suguro whips the door open and we’re out a side door at the other end in a second. The door leads to a parking lot sparsely filled with cars at the late hour. Suguro kneels down and I slide from his grip onto my own two feet. I lean a bit towards my injured side to keep from stretching the punctured muscles.

“Ok, probably should get that out.” He grabs my arm with the needle still protruding from my skin. He pulls a few napkins from his pocket, probably from the cafeteria, and pushes them against my skin. He doesn’t give me any warning, he just yanks the tape holding the tube to my bicep off and then the tape and needle. It stings like mad and I glare at him as he presses the napkins against the hole. The needle and tube get tossed under a bush.

“Your brother should probably look at this when we meet up, I don’t know anything regarding medicine.” He mutters when the napkin comes away clean. I snort at that, yeah clearly.

Suguro slings an arm around my shoulders and under my right arm to support me so I wrap my left around his shoulders. It takes a minute but we are able to hobble along.

It’s quiet, peaceful even despite all that’s going on. Crickets are chirping, there’s a few screeches from bats, the rustling of a breeze through trees and bushes, I can even hear the faint buzzing from the lights in the lot as we pass them.

 But one thing I do notice in the quiet is exactly that, the quiet.

This once bustling city is nearly silent. No matter what the hour one would hear vehicles of all kinds, sirens, people milling about, but now nothing. I strain my ears trying to hear something, anything in the quiet but there’s nothing to be heard. I feel the cold, choking depression slide down my throat and settle like a heavy weight in my gut. I know Suguro tried to reassure me a few days ago but it’s a dam that’s been threatening to break this whole time. I know that if it weren’t for me and Yukio destroying the gate things would be worse, but I can’t help but think what if? What if I had fought Ernst? What if I had been strong enough on that cross that Yukio didn’t have to intervene? What if I hadn’t been such a coward to confront Satan and faced him sooner? Each of those thoughts chip away at my wall.

We’re passing through one of the campus gates and entering the city, or at least what’s left of the two. The road is mostly intact save for cracks but the buildings and once ornate gate are nothing but rubble around us. I can hear our shoes crunch over glass with each step and the skittering of small pieces we kick up. None of the lights are on which leaves us navigating the larger obstacles in almost total darkness since the moon is nearly obscured by the remaining buildings.

I have no idea where we’re going but Suguro seems to know. We’re both as silent as the city. No people yelling out for taxis, no car horns, no roars of the trains over their tracks, and no words between us. In the silence I’m not sure how much time goes by. It could have been only a few minutes or several hours as I strain my senses to hear anything.

We come to the beginning of a bridge when I see it. We’re finally in a patch of unobscured moonlight and there’s a pile of rubble shinning in the light. I don’t know if it’s the glimmering light bouncing off the glass, the pieces of rebar twisting out of the pile, or just the fact that I can finally really look at the destruction but it’s unmistakable at the base of the debris. The pool of black liquid doesn’t expand far past the clump of stone but it halos the pale appendage. The fingers are extended, like they had been reaching for help just beyond reach. Rodents have clearly had a few meals off it since chunks of flesh are missing, exposing muscle and bone in several areas.

I gasp when I realize what I’m looking at, pulling myself closer into Suguro. He stops walking and finds the limb almost immediately. He turns so I can’t see it but it’s too late, the damage is already done.

How many people? I know Shima said a death count, but those are the bodies found right? What about all the people missing? Are there more bodies buried underneath the rubble, decaying in their premature graves? Becoming meals for the scavengers?

What have I done?

Suguro doesn’t say anything but I feel the hand holding onto my arm around my shoulders shift so he can rub his thumb along my wrist in a soothing gesture.

It’s quite a bit later when we stop. We’re deep into the city now, I’m sure the sky is starting to lighten but I haven’t lifted my head to look. I’ve kept my gaze glued to his shirt, studying every bit of the fabric to avoid seeing any more destruction.

“Rin?” I can feel his baritone voice reverberate in his chest. “Rin I’m sorry but I’ve got to put you down for a minute, my arms are killing me.”

Oh shit! I jolt at the realization that he has been practically carrying me for several hours now. I know I’m light for guy, but there’s no way this has been easy. I nod against his chest, still not trusting my voice.

He stops at the top of a few steps to sit. He’s careful going down but the moment my butt touches the ground he flops back with a groan. He spreads his arms out and closes his eyes.

It’s silent, no noise in this part just like the rest. My gaze turns upwards and I can make out the pink hues of sunrise behind a cluster of buildings. I don’t know how long we sit there, neither one of us says anything either.

Especially not about the fact I’m still practically plastered to Suguro’s lap.

The pinks are just starting to turn orange when I hear rubble shifting. It’s not much, just a few small stones tumbling down a pile and skittering across the broken pavement. I don’t even look over towards the noise thinking it’s just a rodent or some other pest. But then I hear more shifting and realize something; we haven’t seen or heard any other living things the whole time we’ve been walking. I turn and look back the way we came and manage to catch sight of movement in my periphery.

“Suguro?” I keep looking, trying to find the source of the noise. I hear him give a grunt in acknowledgment to hearing me. “Suguro I think we need to move.”

“Just five more minutes man, I’m exhausted.”

I catch more movement and see a pile of rubble shifting at the end of the block. A large chunk from close to the top slips and tumbles down causing a small avalanche. That gets his attention and finally Suguro sits up to look. More debris shifts and eventually a small hand reaches out from the pile. I jolt, trying to get up and go after person trapped but Suguro is faster, sitting up and holding me in place. I open my mouth to protest only to get one of his filthy hands clamped over it.

“Quiet!”

What the hell?! The question is just muffled gibberish against his hand and I reach up to yank the hands off my mouth and shoulder, hell bent on saving whoever it is trapped in destruction I wrought.

The small hand pushes aside more chunks revealing shoulders and part of their body. The sun isn’t quite up but there’s enough light for me to see what’s climbing out. Their skin gray but not from dust, part of a steel bar is protruding from the shoulder, a chunk of skin on their side is gone revealing two pale rib bones. More and more of it slowly rises from the rubble and I’m able to make out what was once a dress hanging off the body. The material is practically shredded, holding on by only one shoulder strap and exposing more skin than covering it. Two legs are pulled out, bones clearly shattered by how they’re twisted and uncooperative as they climb out. It’s a little girl. She can’t be more than five years old, so small and still rounded with baby fat, dirty hair still held together with a ribbon.

“Shit, it’s a ghoul!” Suguro pushes himself up and pulls me with him.

A ghoul. A little girl died in this and a demon has taken her body. A little girl who’s hardly experienced life is dead, gone, her body a host for an opportunistic demon. Suguro tugs on me and practically drags me down the stairs, my legs as uncooperative as the little girl’s.

“God damn it come on! She’s a ghoul now, there’s nothing left!”

My eyes stay glued on her as she crawls towards us. Her body tumbles down onto the street but she doesn’t stop moving, she just reaches out towards us, pulling her mangled legs behind her.

“Fine, be useless!” He dumps me against a wall at the bottom of the stairs causing me to scramble to grab hold of something to stay up. He raises his hands in prayer, reciting the fatal verse for low level ghouls. I watch in horror as the body of the little girl contorts unnaturally with an ear splitting shriek. The scream gets louder and louder before the body explodes outward in a burst of black ash. The moats float and catch in the breeze as the last of her cries echo down the streets.

I don’t even realize tears are running down my face until Suguro’s looking at me, eyes wide.

“Rin?” He whispers.

The dam breaks. Everything I’ve been holding back rushes out of me in a torrent. All the feelings of guilt, self-loathing, horror, more I can’t even put a name to crush me. Everything that’s happened, every thought drowns me leaving me raw. I try to push it all back behind the broken walls but it’s no use. A sob escapes me and I lean forward, burrowing my face into Suguro’s shirt. I can feel him pull me closer and tuck me under his chin to try and keep me together but I still fall apart. To my credit it’s not gross sobbing but I can feel the tears stream down my cheeks and onto his shirt, soaking the material in seconds. My shoulders heave as I take in a gulp of air which I only choke on. I reach out with shaking hands and grab onto him, trying to steady myself but it’s no use.

What have I done?


	6. Rendezvous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I continue to keep up the tradition of posting with just a few minutes left on Tuesday...sorry guys. Editing this monster was a total nightmare and took a lot of time. I'm one of those people who rarely gets sick and when I do I get REALLY sick. For example, never had the flu but a month after starting college I contracted H1N1 (aka Swine Flu). Spending 2 weeks in quarantine was fun! This time it was a simple head cold that turned into a major sinus infection. I was on a lot of pseudoephedrine when I wrote 3/4 of this chapter which was a huge mistake...btw that stuff is the main ingredient in meth! Works great for sinus problems!
> 
> Anyways, enough of my whining! I promised you guys a HUGE chapter to make up for the last one so here it is :D

_“Jeeze Bon we were getting worried! What took you guys so long to get out here?”_

_"I had to practically carry him the whole way here give me a break.”_

I hear a heavy thud and the squeak of springs, probably Suguro flopping down into the arm chair. I can make out much quieter squeaks and groans, Konekomaru and Shima probably following suit with the couch facing it.

 _“We also came across a body in the rubble and a ghoul in a little girl’s body.”_ There’s a collective gasp at that. “ _I know we expected to see that sort of stuff but Jesus…”_ I can picture Suguro leaning forward with his face in his hands. His voice is sort of muffled like he is. _“Rin didn’t take any of it well. I didn’t expect him to brush it off, but he just fell apart after I exercised the ghoul.”_

I know that normally I would jump in and be defensive, try to defend my pride, but I’m so numb I don’t care. After the whole incident with the ghoul I just shut down. I know part of me was embarrassed to have broken down like that, in front of Suguro of all people, but a larger portion of me drowned those feelings in grief until everything just stopped. Which is fine, the numbness and disconnect is a lot easier to deal with then those soul crushing emotions.

After the tears stopped Suguro had asked if I was up for moving again. I was grateful he didn’t ask if I was ok because frankly it would have been a stupid. Obviously I wasn’t but I was up to getting away from there. After a quick nod of my head against his chest he slid his arm under my shoulders and started the slow pace back up.

I curl up tighter against the wall, ear still pressed against the plaster to listen in on their conversation.

 _"Sounds like what I went through.”_ I perk up a bit at Shima’s voice and look over at Yukio sorting through the backpacks and duffle on the bottom bunk of the bed. I assume they’re the same ones from the hospital plus one more and more stuff since both bags are straining the zippers. Yukio pulls a toothbrush out and lays it next to one pulled from the other bag.

It’s late afternoon now, the sun is starting to set outside our west-facing window. I don’t know how everyone organized this specific apartment as the rendezvous point but the guys were waiting for us. I didn’t ask anyways. It’s nothing glamorous, just a basic three bedroom apartment that’s faced minimal damage. Someone has clearly tried to cleanup though since all the glass from the broken windows are gone. Someone has also gotten rid of the pictures. I can see the outline of where they were on the walls and in the mix of dust and ash on solid surfaces. Probably an attempt to make it not feel like we broke into someone’s home.

When we got here I didn’t even acknowledge Konekomaru and Shima but it’s not like Suguro really gave me a chance. He simply asked where Yukio was after opening the door and dumped me in this kid’s bedroom. He told me to get some sleep, that we weren’t done yet. I just slid to the floor after the door closed, body pressed against the wall shared with the living area. I didn’t say anything to my brother and neither did he, he just continued to sort through our things and I started examining our temporary home from my place on the floor.

 _“We didn’t have trouble getting the stuff from the dorms or even getting out into the city but the further in we got he just kind of…I don’t really know how to describe it to be honest.”_ Shima continues after a long pause. _“Remember back when we were in the hospital with Koneko for his arm after finding out about Rin? He was so cold and distant, especially when he explained everything. It wasn’t until Sheimi accused him of not caring that he snapped and showed any emotion.”_

I hear hums of agreement followed by another sigh and more springs squeaking.

 _"I_ _think that’s how Teach deals with stuff, he just sort of shuts down. The further we walked the more distant he got. We weren’t really making conversation, but I could feel him pull away. His expression got stiffer, he stopped looking around, he just sort of followed me.”_

 _“Makes sense.”_ That’s Konekomaru’s voices that interjects. _“Rin hasn’t ever hidden what he’s thinking or feeling. The ‘heart on your sleeves’ type. They’re probably just now really processing what all has happened. I mean, they really haven’t had time to and it’s not like they’ve been out and seen what it’s like. Between dealing with nearly dying and suddenly being part demon they’ve had a lot to think about.”_

_"True, I can’t imagine what’s going through their minds. They may not really be able to for a while…”_

_“Oh great so now we have to deal with PTSD shit from those two?!”_ Suguro groans loudly. _“I so don’t know how to deal with that kind of crap.”_

_“Well PTSD might be a bit of a stretch but at least it sounds like Rin is handling things better than his brother. Bottling things up isn’t healthy.”_

_“I agree, we probably should keep a close eye on Teacher to be safe.”_

Silence follows for a while before Suguro speaks up again.

 _"S_ _o_ _what’s the situation like regarding food? I’m freaking starving after everything today.”_

_"Well it looks like-“_

“Rin?”

I jump, nearly smacking my head against the wall and causing Yukio to yank his hand back from my shoulder.

“I need to check your side.” He holds up fresh gauze in his other hand. Oh yeah, I’m still injured…

  

* * *

 

“Your body is finally starting to heal.”

I’m sitting where Yukio was only moments ago with a grip on a rung supporting the top bunk to keep my arm out of the way. My shirt is sitting in my lap along with my tail because it kept flicking and annoying my brother. It’s starting to get dark and I wonder how he can see considering he still has to wear his glasses.

“The reaction with the holy water is disappearing.” He runs a finger over what must have been a line. “The skin is still raised and discolored though, so you’ll probably have really bad scarring.”

“I think you mean bad ass scarring.” I mutter to try and lighten the mood. It works, Yukio lets out a soft chuckle.

“Yes I suppose.” He sighs and leans back a bit. “Anyways, do you feel any numbness?” He runs his finger over that spot again.

“No, why?”

“Good, that means you didn’t experience any nerve damage on top of all this.” He sits back against a supporting post with a sigh prompting me to turn and look at him. At first glance he looks fine, every bit the cool and collected exorcist/teacher everyone seems to know him as. I can tell he’s withdrawing into his own head though. His tail is now curled up around the post, his shoulders are sagging as if being crushed by a weight, and his brows are furrowed. I remember what Shima had said not too long ago and speak up.

“What’s wrong?” I know he won’t say what exactly is on his mind but at least I can pull him out for just a moment. Getting Yukio to open up and say what’s wrong has always been a challenge, one I’ve since pretty much given up on. If something is bothering him he usually offers some sort of decoyed conversation topic. It’s nothing obvious, anyone who doesn’t know him wouldn’t see it as a distraction for what’s really on his mind but I do. I always go along with it though because it works better than harping on him and saying I know he’s lying. Plus it gets him onto that topic too, a temporary fix to what’s really going on.

“It’s nothing.” I somehow manage to keep myself from rolling my eyes at the expected response. “I just don’t like that we don’t have a real doctor to look at you.”

Ok wasn’t expecting that. “What do you mean? Aren’t you one?”

“No, a Doctoral Meister isn’t the same as a Medical Doctor.” He shifts his gaze to the duffle next to him on the bed. “I have training in some areas of medicine but mostly in field first-aid. Doctoral exorcists are trained primarily in how to treat injuries from demons and a bit on how to fight using alternative weapons like various plants. The field first-aid is really just treatment for basic injuries and how to keep someone from dying before MD’s arrive.”

Oh. I feel kind of dumb for just assuming now.

“Anyways, it’s a minimum of 8 years in post-secondary school and 4-7 years of residency to become a doctor.” I catch a look of longing and disappointment before he looks back at the wound near my navel. I suddenly remember something from years ago, back when we were little kids. I had asked Yukio what he wanted to be when he grew up. He had looked down, embarrassed and unsure before stuttering out he wanted to be a doctor. I remember being proud of him, saying he’ll be a great one someday, but that was all before he started training huh? I never put those things together. My brother probably still has dreams of being a normal human doctor, of going through medical school, wearing a white coat in some fancy hospital, of healing the sick and injured. What does he think now? This isn’t the doctor he wanted to be, is it? Will he ever be?

“It looks like you have some fresh bruising from moving around today but nothing I’m concerned about.” His statement brings me back from my musings. I look down as well and see the mix of blues and purples around my stitches, a sharp contrast to the now yellow and green of my old bruises. The silver lines have definitely started to recede but I can see what Yukio means. I trace the path of one line at the stitches all the way to just above the waistband of my sweat pants on my left side. The silver color stops about an inch away but the skin is still slightly raised and pink, exactly like a scar.

Cool!

There’s a soft knock on the door before it cracks open enough to reveal Shima’s face.

“Hey guys, sorry to bother you, but we were wondering if you might be up to poking around the kitchen Okumura. We know there’s no electricity, but maybe you can work your magic with food and we can have something other than cold mush from a can?”

“Sure, no problem man.” I tug my shirt back on and get up to follow him to the kitchen. I realize Yukio isn’t following me when I get to the door. “Aren’t you coming?” I ask over my shoulder.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in just a second.” Yukio gives a weak smile and waves me off.

Fucking Yukio…no sense in pushing it though. I heave an annoyed sigh and follow Shima out to the kitchen.

 

* * *

  

30 minutes later I’m mixing a curry dish on the stove top. It really isn’t magic despite what they think. I mean really, you’d think I’d performed a miracle lighting the stove! A _gas_ stove! Seriously, not that big of a deal. I’d learned about this years ago when a bad snowstorm had knocked out the power for nearly four days. Sure the clock and ignition don’t work but a twist of the knob, a bit of my flames, and ta-da! We have a working stove top.

I found a few cans of coconut milk and some unopened red curry paste in the cupboards so that made things easy. What I hadn’t expected was the horrible smell when I opened the fridge to find some fresh veggies. I knew there would be rotting food after so many days without electricity but dear god! No sooner had I cracked it open did I slam it shut. Soured milk and yogurt, rotting meat, decaying produce, the smell made me feel sick immediately. I gave up hope of salvaging anything in there but opened the freezer, hoping some things would still be cold enough. As luck would have it there was a bag of chicken breasts that survived. Chicken and canned veggie curry it is.

I’m checking on the rice when the front door opens. Izumo and Sheimi with Kuro on her shoulder walk in wearing the same huge backpacks we have looking exhausted. I’m a bit shocked to see them, but mostly because I haven’t even thought about them all day. I instantly feel guilty.

“You’re here!” Shima jumps up off the couch and pulls the girls into a hug. Izumo makes a face but accepts the contact, Sheimi gives a soft laugh, and Kuro jumps off immediately. The demon cat runs up to me and rubs my leg happily.

“Man I hate not having our cell phones to keep in touch, makes me nervous.” Shima pulls back to look at them with a hand on each of their shoulders. Izumo shrugs it off along with her backpack.

“I don’t like it either but everything went fine for our part.” Sheimi looks over at me and smiles. “Is everyone here? Everyone ok?”

“Yeah we’re all good.” Suguro grumbles. He’d fallen asleep in the arm chair but now he’s groggily sitting up. “All went according to plan?”

“I guess, it was a long time before there was any activity in the hospital. We sat outside for hours before people started showing up to look for you guys.” Izumo groans.

Sheimi nods in agreement. “Kuro led a group into the forest but it was well after sunrise so we couldn’t rely on the low level demons to intervene. We made a show of fighting them but Nee had to give us some cover to get away after. What about you guys?”

“Fine, fine. Koneko bought the train tickets and boarded no problem. Nobody bothers the people getting off, just on so he slipped out a few cars down and got here first.” Suguro stretches his arms over his head, groaning when a shoulder pops. He gets up and walks over to me to check on the food status, ending the conversation.

Only a few minutes later and everyone is seated around the coffee table. The girls have claimed the couch, Suguro seems to have taken permanent residence in the armchair, and everyone else has brought in the dining room chairs so we can spend the meal together. I opt to sit on the floor next to the armchair with Kuro though. The demon cat hasn’t left my side and I honestly feel better having him next to me.

Everyone complements my cooking skills before their first bites. I offer a weak smile in thanks before looking back down at my plate. The food smells good and I know it tastes good from all the sampling I did, but looking at the meal now, I can’t even bring myself to take a bite.

Suguro and Izumo get up for seconds after only a few minutes, earning a few ribbings on their appetite. After piling another heaping portion they push the others to get more as well since we can’t save any leftovers so Sheimi and Shima get up as well with mostly empty dishes. My plate is still full but thoroughly mixed from pushing everything around. Kuro finishes his plate and I put mine in front of him without a second though. The demon cat gives a happy chirrup before diving into his second helping. Suguro sees this and nudges my shoulder with his knee.

“You need to eat man.” He says softly.

“I’m not hungry.” I mumble back. I pull my knees up to my chest and watch the flickering flames of the candles on the coffee table. Sheimi, Konekomaru, and Izumo managed to find quite a few though a couple were obviously meant to be for decoration only. While they’d been doing that Shima and Suguro had covered the windows with whatever they could find. Curtains were shut, blinds lowered, and any not covered or still let in light got sheets pinned up. Apparently there’s a lot of patrols. Yukio mentioned them the other night and Konekomaru found out that they mostly go out after sunset when everything is more active. The last thing we need is someone noticing candle light in what’s supposed to be an abandoned city. It isn’t much, but with how dark everything is it’ll be obvious from blocks away.

“Your body is just now starting to heal and we don’t know when we’ll get a decent meal again.”

“I said I’m not hungry.” I snap back. I feel a little bad immediately after I say it since Suguro is right and I know should eat. Although I hadn’t intended to, he doesn’t give me a chance to apologize, he just shoves his half eaten second helping into my hands.

“Eat it before I shove it down your throat.” He growls. He crosses his arms and flops back into the arm chair. I glare at him, not at all pleased with his treatment but I violently stab a piece of potato for a bite anyways. Everyone is relatively quiet, conversations have died out though there weren’t many to begin with.

“Why are you guys doing this?” The question is quiet, hardly above a whisper, but it might as well have been screamed for how everyone reacts. Yukio hasn’t said a single word to anyone all day. He would nod or shake his head but that was about it. Everyone had jolted when they heard him speak and snapped their gaze to him. He isn’t looking back at them though, just at his plate. I look down and notice he’s only taken a few bites as well.

“What do you mean Yuki?” Sheimi asks softly. She’s sitting closest to him and I can tell she wants to reach out to him, probably for some comforting gesture, but something keeps her hand on the arm of the couch.

“Why are you guys doing this?!” He repeats the question but this time with venom. His grip on the plate is dangerous, threatening to break the porcelain. He slowly looks up but not at anyone, his gaze is far away. “You’ve thrown your lives away! You’ve fled the school so your education is gone! No longer will you be allowed to continue your training to become an exorcist! You’ve aided and abetted the escape of demons from The Vatican, so now you’re facing criminal charges that will be a minimum punishment of jail time if they don’t decide to execute you too! You’ve destroyed any future you may have for the sake of demons! So I ask again, why are you doing this?!”

Everyone is silent, processing my brother’s outburst. Rarely does he lose his cool and when he does it’s a force to be reckoned with. They’ve only seen it once or twice before, but seem to know just how serious the situation is.

As usual his logic is sound, his feelings accurate. I understand what he means and look at my friends. He’s absolutely right, why are they giving up literally everything for us? This isn’t some small thing that will blow over and all will go back to normal in the end. My friends are looking at criminal punishment if they’re caught and no future in becoming exorcists if they aren’t. There’s no way they’ll be able to go back to school, their training is over, done. Now what? What do they expect to do with their lives? We can’t run forever…

Yukio tosses his plate onto the coffee table when no answers seem forthcoming. It isn’t a long throw but it still clatters noisily, spilling some rice and sauce onto the wooden surface. He jumps up and turns on his heel to storm off towards the bedrooms, furry still clear. His tail is puffed and lashing to and fro, his shoulders are hunched, and his footsteps heavy, echoing through the apartment. I jump up to chase after him. I have no idea what to say or do, but he’s my brother and I have to do something. I don’t even get one step away when I feel pressure on my tail. I look down and see Suguro grasping it, just a few inches from the base of its junction with my spine. He gives a quick shake of his head, telling me not to go after him. I’m so confused. I keep looking at Suguro, even after I hear the door slam shut.

“Give him time.” Konekomaru’s voice is soft, placating like he’s worried I’m going to snap too. “I know you want to help, but let’s give him some space for now.”

“Hey, Moriyama?” Suguro looks over at her, grip still firm on my tail. Her gaze shifts from the hallway to him. “You’ve known him the longest right?”

“Oh, yeah I suppose. It’s only a few years though, when he first became an exorcist.”

“Still, it’s something.” Shima looks from her to Suguro, a fork still in his mouth. “Thinking she should go with him when we split up again?”

“Yeah. Maybe he’ll open up more to her. She’s more of a friend to him too, we’re still his students in his eyes.” Konekomaru adds.

“Uh, hello! What about me! I’m his brother for god’s sake!” I twist around to face them which causes my tail to be pulled through Suguro’s hands. I try to ignore the sensation but I feel goosebumps erupt over my skin and my fur stand on end. I really hope Suguro doesn’t notice or if he does he thinks it’s like Yukio’s reaction to being pissed off.

“Yeah, we’re well aware of that fact Okumura.” And we’re back to that, so much for being on a first name basis. I start to roll my eyes when Suguro gives a slight tug on my tail. It was probably in jest, like a shove of the shoulder, but a traitorous moan crawls up my throat before I even realize what’s happening. The sensation is akin to getting your hair pulled in the heat of the moment; sharp, a little painful, but oh so sweet as you’re pulled into a toe curling kiss. My eyes had closed to revel in the sensation but they snap open when Suguro drops my tail like it had burned him. I can feel heat burn up the back of my neck as I realize what had just happened. I slowly look down at him, praying he didn’t hear that.

He’s gaping at me. Eyes wide, mouth open, cheeks pink, hand still out where he had been holding my tail. Fuck he heard that.

“Uh…so anyway.” Shima is looking back and forth between us looking really confused. Thank god, maybe no one else noticed.

“Yeah, anyways.” Suguro sits back in the chair and crosses his arms. He keeps his eyes on me the whole time. “We think he needs space and time to adjust.”

“But I understand exactly what he’s going through! This happened to me a year ago AND I watched our dad die!”

“Yes, but he probably won’t open up completely.”

Konekomaru nods in agreement with Izumo. “Exactly. Look, you probably understand better than anyone what’s going through his head, but think of it like this:  what if one of the things he’s upset about being a demon?”

“…ok and?” I really don’t understand where he’s going with this. I wasn’t exactly pleased about being a demon either.

Izumo lets out a frustrated groan, like this is a really obvious concept and she doesn’t understand why I don’t get it. I’ve heard that groan way too many times in class. “He probably feels guilty if he does. I mean, now he’s like you in regards to demonic attributes. To be unhappy with himself he probably thinks extends to you.” She flops back against the couch with a glare, daring me to still not get it.

“…oh…” I guess that does make sense. “And you guys don’t think Yukio handles things well to begin with.” The guys jolt in surprise, eyes wide. “I heard your conversation through the wall earlier. Demonic hearing.” I quickly add “I don’t think Yukio heard though.” When they look at each other slightly paniced.

“Well we don’t think he handles all challenges badly, surly he faced a lot while training and becoming an exorcist so young. We just think that this is something he doesn’t know how to handle. He’s not who he thought he was, he’s not even human anymore for one. On top of that he played a huge roll in what happened and a lot of people died. He has to be feeling a lot of guilt at the very least.”

“He’s also not like you.” Suguro picks up after Konekomaru. “You just roll with things. You forgive easily, too easily if you ask me…” He mumbles that last part but I still hear it. “You deal with things as they happen, and you let things go that you can’t control. Teach doesn’t do that.”

He’s right, they’re all right. As much as I want to help and comfort him their logic is sound. I look back at the hallway one last time before heaving a sigh and looking back at them.

“Ok. You guys mentioned splitting up again, what exactly is the game plan in all of this?”

There seems to be a collective sigh of relief and everyone looks pleased to be moving on to a different topic. Shima speaks up immediately, explaining how they started planning all this while I was still back in surgery days ago. I listen, I really do, but the whole time part of my mind is mulling over my brother and how concerned I am about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so anxious to split everyone up again because OMG is writing dialogue between this many characters hard...Thanks so much for all your love and support guys! Y'all are the best :D


	7. Waiting Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? I'm not posting with only a few minutes left on Tuesday? Shocking, I know. Anyways for this chapter I do have to warn you guys of some brief and slight sexual content. Enjoy!

I wake up to near silence the following morning. There’s no birdsong, no blaring car horns, no sounds of people as they start their day, nothing. A light breeze blows through the broken window causing the blinds to clack lightly against the wall and disturb the quiet but that’s it. Honestly I prefer the hospital noise over this unnerving silence. Beeping of machines, the hiss of the blood pressure cuff, annoying nurses chatting, I’d take all of that over this and I never thought I’d think that.

I look towards the blinds to try and figure out what time it is. None of the clocks work and I don’t have a watch. I can’t tell how late in the morning it is with them closed but clearly the sun has been up for at least a little while with how bright the light is against them. I sit up, pulling the blankets with me to keep out the frigid morning air. Kuro lifts his head to give me a sleepy glare for disturbing him.

“What? It’s cold!”

The demon cat rolls his eyes from his spot at the foot of the bed. He gets up, pads over to my pillow, and flops back down, burrowing into the warmth. He give a lazy flick of his two tails in my direction dismissing me. I give him a quick scratch between his horns before moving to climb down from the top bunk.

I haven’t slept in one of these since Yukio and I were four. Dad had gotten us one when we out grew the toddler bed we shared and we immediately loved that old bunk bed. We converted the bottom part into a fort and slept on the top one together though, kinda defeated the purpose of it. Dad had tried to get us to sleep in the separate beds but gave up after a week because Yukio would climb up to the top one after he left, we weren’t ready for that yet. During the day we would pull the covers down and spend hours on the bottom part. The beds were perpendicular so I claimed the bed part with my toys. I’d hung a net to keep them all together and put posters on the wall. Yukio had shoved his little bookshelf into the floor part and piled extra pillows to make a reading nook. We would spend hours in there together. We didn’t necessarily talk or play together the whole time, but it was nice to be close while we did our own thing. It stayed that way until we were six and couldn’t fit in the top part together anymore. We took apart the fort and Yukio began sleeping on the bottom bed. Another two years later and we got separate rooms. To be honest, I miss that bunk bed and all the memories with it.

Ok maybe not so much now, my back is killing me just going down the small ladder. The small mattress clearly wasn’t made to support my weight because I can feel where each of the bars pushed into my back during the night. I stretch when my feet hit the ground, groaning with relief when my joints let out a series of cracks.

The bottom bunk is empty, covers pulled neatly into place and pillows fluffed. Of course Yukio made the bed, even when we break into a home and sleep in a stranger’s bed, Yukio makes the bed. I roll my eyes at the gesture but I still smile to myself. At least some things about my brother haven’t changed. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him since he looked at my side yesterday. When I came back to the room a few hours later after his outburst he was already asleep, or at least pretending to be. I heave a sigh, maybe/hopefully we can talk later.

I head out to the living room, covers still wrapped around my shoulders. I realize about half way there that my side isn’t hurting that much, just a dull ache now that I’m moving. I hadn’t even thought about it this morning when I woke up. I don’t bother lifting my shirt to look though, the apartment is freezing with all the windows open. Fall seems to be approaching fast now and I really hope we’re not stuck dealing with winter like this. I shuffle into the living room trying to warm my numb toes on the carpet. The light is minimal with everything the guys put up last night so I reach over to the nearest window and yank on the blinds.

“Shit Okumura was that really necessary?!”

I jump and realize Suguro had slept on the couch. He yanks his pillow over his head to block out the light I had just blinded him with.

“You’re still sleeping? Also, why are you on the couch?”

He groans and readjusts. He’s way too tall for it and his socked feet are hanging over the edge even with his knees pulled up. A blue blanket I remember from the hall closet is mostly on the floor exposing the white undershirt and purple sweat pants he’d slept in. He blindly grabs at the blanket to try and cover himself back up.

“Because, genius, there’s only 2 other bedrooms. The girls got the master so Shima and Koneko took the full sized bed in the other room. I’m too big to share a full with someone so here I am on the couch.” His grumpy voice is muffled by the pillow.

Well that makes sense, guess I didn’t think that one through. “Well…aren’t you usually up at a ridiculously early time every morning?”

Suguro groans even louder before lifting his head out from under the pillow. He squints at the light from under his wild bed head. The longer blonde part of his hair nearly covers his eyes and it’s all a mess from old hair gel he slept in. “I get up at 5:30 every morning to go run. But I can’t exactly go do that in these circumstances so I forced myself to go back to sleep.”

“…That sounds awful.”

He chucks his pillow at me and flops face first back down into the couch. “Go bother someone else, like Sheimi, she got up for water maybe an hour ago.”

Yeesh what a grouch. I shuffle into the kitchen to try and get ideas for breakfast. Since I’m not opening the fridge again (though I’m sure nothing is salvageable in there anyways), I’m really limited on options. There’s a few bananas but they’re a little over ripened, three oranges, a grapefruit, and some apples in the designated fruit basket. Ok fruit salad can be one thing. I dig through the cupboard trying to come up with other things, letting my warm blankets fall to the floor so I can use both hands. Bran cereal, gross and we don’t have milk anyways. Pancake mix, no eggs or milk again. One, two packets of instant miso soup. Not much but it’s something so I put the packets on the counter next to the fruit.

After about five minutes of digging I heave a sigh. “Ok spit it out.” I whip around to face Suguro. His eyes are wide and there’s a slight blush on his cheeks from what I can see, most of his face is still hidden behind the couch cushion. I’ve felt him staring at me the whole time I’ve been in here. I have an idea what’s going on and I don’t want to talk about it, but feeling him watching me is really creeping me out.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He turns away from me and I can see his ears are red too.

Stubborn, prideful, jerk. “Is it the tail thing from last night?”

I can see him tense up and his blush darken. Of course it is. Now I REALLY don’t want to talk about it.

“Great, the one time you’re not oblivious.” He mutters, still looking away from me.

“HEY!”

“Yes it’s about your stupid tail!” He whips around to glare at me again, blush still staining his cheeks. “What’s the deal with it? You freaking MOANED yesterday!”

I cross my arms and glare at the bowl of fruit like the brown bananas are the ones who betrayed me. I can feel my own blush darkening too. Best to just to get this over with I guess.

“I told everyone else at the hospital some stuff but you and Shima weren’t there. I’m also assuming Yukio and I are the same in this just because everything so far has been, I haven’t exactly asked him and don’t plan on it.” I take a deep breath before diving into an explanation similar to my last one. “Our tails work great for counter balances with fighting, especially because we can run faster, and jump a lot higher and farther. It also is kinda cat-like with reflecting how we feel instead of being like a monkey’s and working as another arm. You probably noticed how Yukio’s was puffed up and whipping around last night with his outburst.” I pause and hear Suguro make a noise of understanding.

I don’t want to explain this part but I know he won’t let the subject drop now, not after I started it. I hadn’t even found about this until a few months after my demon blood awakened. It’s not something you think about trying, it was a total accident. I had been fooling around one night Yukio was away on a mission and my tail had wrapped around my wrist at some point. I hadn’t paid attention to it, it just happened like it had a mind of its own. I had yanked my arm away to readjust and was nearly blinded by the bolt of pleasure that shot through me. I had moaned obscenely loudly, curled my toes, and arched my back into the feeling, reveling in the sensation that shot through my entire back. I didn’t even pause to process what had happened after I came down from it, I just moved onto my side and started pulling some more. It wasn’t hard, just keeping my tail wrapped around my wrist would trigger the feeling every time I moved and god was it amazing. I experimented that whole night, just hours and hours of trying new things. I found that pulling on it with other sensations made things feel even more intense, especially when I slipped a few fingers inside me and added to the pressure at the base of my spine. I also discovered that rubbing the point where my spine and tail connect was pleasurable. Not nearly as much as the pulling, but really relaxing and blissful. I had done that with one hand, my thumb pushing slow circles into the joint as I stroked myself slowly with my other hands, letting everything build slowly like a wave instead of rushing over me like a storm with the other sensations. I lost track of how many times I came that night, just starting up again once I came down from that blissed out high. I know I showed up to class dehydrated and exhausted after only a few hours of sleep but it was so worth it.

I heave a defeated sigh and just spit out the rushed sentences. “The best way to describe it is like getting your hair pulled. Too much and it hurts but with the right amount of pressure or rubbing the base…” I trail off not wanting to actually say it, just hoping Suguro fills in the blanks. I know that it’s basically a kink and I really hate admitting this. I take a few panting breaths, my heart racing in my chest and blood roaring in my ears. I know I’m bright red from embarrassment from that confession and I dread what his reaction is.

It’s silent. It feels like it drags on forever but I know it’s only been a few seconds and I can’t take it anymore so look at him, deciding the silence is worse than anything else. He’s staring unabashedly at the fluffy end of my tail. It’s curled up and in on itself behind me so he can’t see much from his angle but I have a feeling that if I had my back to him he’d be staring at the point where it connects under my sweat pants. He’s still blushing but now he just looks…curious. Head tilted to the side, one eyebrow arched, nose scrunched as he just keeps staring at my tail. I don’t even think, I just wrap the appendage around my leg, the tufted end brushing the top of my foot.

“Touch my tail and I’ll break your hand.”

He snaps his gaze up and his curious look morphs into a glare. “I ain’t messing with your tail, freak! What gets you off in the bedroom is your business!”

“You’re the one who asked!” I yell back, feeling my fur puff up. I instantly picture an angry cat and curse Izumo for putting that image into my head back at the hospital.

He sits up on the couch, hands braced on the arm. “Yeah, because of what happened yesterday! I wasn’t about to let that go, it’s weird!”

“Not my fault, I can’t control it!”

“Great, less than 24 hours stuck together and you guys are already fighting.” Speak of the devil…Izumo walks through the living room and into the kitchen. She’s still in her pajamas, a pair of plain blue pants and a white tank top with fuzzy socks. She walks up to the sink and yanks open the cabinet right next to me, nearly bashing the side of my head.

“Hey watch it!” I cry out as I duck away.

Izumo just fills her glass from the sink tap, ignoring me until she’s taken a sip. “Look, we’re going to be stuck together for a while so it would be in EVERYONE’S best interest if you two didn’t fight like little kids. Got it?” She shifts her glare between us with her threat heavy in the air. I really don’t doubt that she’ll kick our asses for fighting. She takes another sip before sauntering away towards the hall. “Moriyama is about to get into the shower, I’m next. Quick ones only since 7 of us are fighting over the hot water!”

I hear the door slam at the end of the hall and glare back at Suguro only to find him glaring back at me already. This is going to be a long day.

 

* * *

 

By the time everyone has finished showering it’s early afternoon. The hot water tank is small and only allows us two showers before running out and taking another hour to heat back up which left a lot of tempers short. Especially since most showers ended with someone swearing as the water switched to frigid.

Yukio came back about a few hours after I got up, apparently he ‘just wanted to think’ and had escaped to the roof. He didn’t say much more then that but no one really pushed him for more. He just nibbled on some of the fruit salad I had put aside for him and went back to our bedroom. He showered before me and now he’s on the couch thumbing through some manga he found. Konekomaru and Izumo are working on a puzzle at the kitchen table, hardly any noise coming from their general direction except the occasional _snick!_ of puzzle pieces clicking together. I honestly have no idea what the others are doing, I stopped paying attention a while ago.

I’ve been entertaining myself by using my tail to play with Kuro. He had been lounging in the sunlight until I got bored and started pestering him. It took a bit more taunting than expected but he finally caved and started playing. He manages to snag a claw in the fluffy part and I tug him a few inches along the floor. I really have no idea how people managed to not die of boredom before having things like TV and cell phones. I never was the type to spend hours messing with my phone or channel surfing but what I wouldn’t give to play some dumb game on my phone right now instead of just lying here.

We’re all waiting, however impatiently, for Shura. Last night everyone had explained how she had been the one to send us the warning to run, that the Grigori had made their decision on how to handle the fallout from everything with the portal. True Cross had been keeping her on a short leash and under observation, but apparently she had an informant feeding her information she couldn’t get ahold of directly. Not surprising because there have been “private meetings” going non-stop since the incident with only a few select people attending at a time, Shura having only appeared twice. Once to give her statement on the events and the other with their lackeys to give ours.

I honestly wasn’t surprised to learn Shura was the one helping us. She’d made it clear she didn’t always agree with True Cross or The Vatican and went rogue from time to time when we first met. Supposedly, though, they often overlooked her actions since she was still on their side most of the time and one of their strongest for the Japan branch. She’d said she’d been on “probation” from time to time with escorts (explains the muscle during the interviews), but nothing more than that. She also said she never trusted tech which I originally thought was paranoid, but now I owe her an apology. Konekomaru said True Cross had been tracking our movements through the GPS on our phones for days. Hence Suguro smashing ours.

Shura is supposed to meet us here as soon as she can but she said not to wait more than 48 hours, to move to the next location and wait again. Nobody knows what to do next though, they’d been relying on her to make the plans for all this.

So we wait.

The air is a bit tense, but I think it’s mostly because nobody knows what to do with the silence. All of us are so used to the city noise it’s just unnerving to not have it in the background but at the same time none of us know how to fill it. Which leaves us with the occasional sound of a page turning, puzzle pieces clicking together, and an occasional noise from Kuro as we continue our game.

I flick my tail just out of Kuro’s reach when the demon cat makes another swipe. His own tails are twitching madly in his excitement with the game. He shifts his weight back and forth between his hind legs, preparing to pounce. I’m about to lift my tail when suddenly he freezes. His ears shoot back and he whips his head around, eyes wide.

I don’t even have a chance to ask him what’s going on when I hear Sheimi’s ear splitting scream from the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	8. Herded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What! I'm posting on a Sunday?! And not even the Sunday before I usually post?! Yep! Here's the thing guys, 3 reasons why I'm posting a larger than usual chapter WAY early:
> 
> 1\. There's a huge chance the US will end (or at least break down into mass chaos) this Tuesday.  
> 2\. If certain people (as in more than one, I vote for more than presidents) win this election I'll probably spend a majority of the following days drinking my disdain for humanity away.  
> 3\. ...Pokemon Sun and Moon come out on the 18th...
> 
> So enjoy guys! I was so excited to write this chapter and the next one!

When I burst into the master bedroom I’m extremely confused. I had expected something to be there attacking Sheimi; some opportunistic demon, maybe one of the patrols or someone else from True Cross, something! Instead the room is empty save for Sheimi. She’s plastered against the wall next to the door staring wide eyed at the windows along the opposite side. She’s a bit pale and shaking, so clearly she saw something. My eyes do another sweep of the room and everything looks fine. The bed dominates the room with too many pillows and an open textbook sitting in the middle (was she seriously studying?!). The dresser sits past the foot of the bed covered with jewelry and various pieces to hold them with a mirror behind them on the wall. The nightstands sit on each side of the beds with matching lamps, one with an empty glass. The rug under the bed is even undisturbed, everything looks perfectly fine.

I stand up from my offensive stance and look over at Sheimi again. She notices me and points towards the windows.

“S-s-snake!” She stutters out just above a whisper.

A snake? Why on earth would a snake be here? I look back towards the windows just as a soft breeze tugs at the curtains. They billow away enough to reveal crimson smears along the ledge, a small drip threatening to fall from the pool on the sill. Farther down along the wall are a couple more smears. Ok, something definitely got in here but it’s obviously pretty badly hurt. I move slowly on my toes along the perimeter of the room and around the bed. It’s not until I’m moving between the bed and dresser that I see the creature.

It’s laying in a crumpled heap under the far window, like it just fell onto itself as soon as it got enough of its length through the window. In fact, part of its tail is still pushed up against the wall. The white naga has its eyes closed and it isn’t moving. I continue examining the creature and see it’s badly injured. There’s a clear bullet wound through it near the middle and blood is still oozing out of it. Other areas are slightly sunken and discolored as bruises bloom under the scales. I’m not totally sure what happened to cause those injuries but I’d be willing to bet things like pipes and other blunt object were used. Cuts litter the creature’s body as well. Everything from little scrapes where the scales are ruffed up with pinpricks of blood seeping out from under them to a several inch gashes with surrounding chunks of skin exposed like the keratin plates had been ripped off. Blood and filth covers its once pristine scales in a garish mixture. Where blood drops and splatters end, mud and ash begin.

I hear heavy and rushed footsteps followed by various gasps and other surprised noises.

“What is that things?!” I can hear Shima scooting back after the question, trying to distance himself from the snake.

“How did it even get in here? We’re on the second floor and there isn’t a fire escape in this room.” Izumo kneels next to me to get a better look but is still a fair distance away.

“I really don’t like snakes...They creep into my gardens all the time. I know they keep rodents away, but…” I can picture Sheimi shuddering at memories of the creatures surprising her as she tends to her garden.

I look at the demon snake again. It’s oddly familiar, but where would I have seen a pure white naga like this? I rack my brain for past memories and jump at one from just a few months ago. “It’s Shura’s familiar…” I recognize the huge snake now from the incident with Neuhaus and his wife. Upon hearing its mistress’s name the serpent slowly opens one eye.

_ He’s hurt really bad…  _ Kuro has managed to squeeze through everyone and is now creeping up slowly to the head of it. Once he’s close enough he reaches out and places a paw on the snake’s nose. It still doesn’t move, doesn’t even acknowledge the demon cat touching him.

“Will he be ok? What can we do?” The question is directed at Kuro but I’m looking at the snake again. “Can I understand him if he talks like I can with you?”

Kuro shakes his head and looks at me.  _ He’s a lower mid-level demon, anyone below midlevel isn’t strong enough to talk to humans. Ms. Shura may be able to in some way though because he’s her familiar. _

I nod. “Makes sense. Can you talk to him? Ask what happened and how we can help?”

_ I’ll try, but he’s very weak. _

“Yukio!” I whip around to look at everyone gathered behind me. Konekomaru is kneeling on the bed with Sheimi but she’s slightly behind him, still rather pale. Shima is backed into the corner of the room also looking pale and nervous. Guess he doesn’t do well with serpents either. Yukio though is right behind me. “You got all that right? Go get the medical bag!”

He jumps a bit at being the one getting a command but he turns to go get the supplies.

I slowly scoot forward a bit more and move my hand close to his nose. “We’re going to help you ok? Just try to relax, you’re safe now.” The naga seems to understand me, or at least my tone, because I see his sides expand with a heavy sigh before his eye closes.

Yukio kneels next to me with the duffle a second later. He pauses for a moment but gives a sharp shake of his head before digging into the bag.

“So…care to explain what you guys said?” I look over at Shima who’s come out of the corner a little bit. “We’re human, we can’t understand Kuro or that thing.” He points over at the bleeding snake.

“Oh!” I had forgotten about that. “It’s not much, the snake isn’t a high enough level to talk with humans so Kuro may be able to get something.”

Shima gives a nod and looks over at Konekomaru. His eyes widen a bit and he looks around. “Wait! Where’s Bon!”

“I haven’t seen him since he came out of the shower, that must have been hours ago.” Konekomaru is sitting up more instead of kneeling over the bed but he doesn’t look too concerned. “Maybe he borrowed Teach’s idea and went to the roof. He usually meditates when he has a day off, he’s probably doing that.”

“Just call me Yukio.” His words are soft but I can still pick up the slightly defeated tone in his voice. “I’m not your teacher anymore and we’re not at True Cross.” His hands pause from pulling out wads of gauze. I see his shoulders have drooped a lot more, reflecting his tone. I can’t see his face from this angle and I wish I could. “Just…stop calling me teacher. Yukio is fine.”

I look back at Shima and Konekomaru. They both look a bit surprised, but I catch Sheimi’s worried look. She understands. Being a teacher is part of his identity, he’s been so proud of it. It’s also a role he seems to fit into so naturally, like leading a class was something he was meant to do. His confidence when he stands at the front of the room, his stern tone, his gentle way of explaining something when someone doesn’t understand, I’ve even seen him smile while working on lesson plans and grade our assignments. Being a teacher is something Yukio was born to do, how does he feel giving up that?

We sit in silence for a while, just watching Yukio treat the injured demon snake. The naga hardly moves save for an occasional flinch when Yukio is working on particularly gruesome spots. A few stitches here and there, pressure on the bullet hole to stop the bleeding, covering the sections where scales are missing with bandages, I know he had said he doesn’t know how to treat demons but he seems to know what to do with treating the naga. Yukio is running his fingers around a sunken area when Konekomaru finally voices what we all must be thinking.

“Ms. Shura got caught, didn’t she?” No one responds but the serpent moves its head for the first time, turning it towards us. He slowly rises just a few inches but nods his head.

“She summoned and sent you to warn us, huh?” I ask. The demon again nods, but this time he sways a little, showing just how hurt and weak he is.

“True Cross Exorcists did this to you?” Another nod. I don’t ask the next question on the tip of my tongue, I already know the answer. If Shura’s familiar is this hurt by people at True Cross then surely she is too. I put my face in my hands, I feel like I’ve taken a blow to my stomach. All the innocent people already decaying under the rubble and now Shura? She’d been trying to help us! I feel nausea begin to bubble up and I think I might be sick. What did they do to her? What will they do to her? Surely they’ll torture her for information. I try to block out the images of various methods they would use to find out where we ran to. If Shura’s interrogation techniques are sanctioned by them then surely they’ll do far worse to extract information from her.

At that thought I jerk my head up. I know Shura won’t give up the information easily, if it all, but we can’t take that chance. We need to move.

“Guys.” My tone is somber and I don’t have to look back to know that I have everyone’s attention. “We need to run, like as soon as possible.”

“Where do we go?” Sheimi’s voice is tiny. “Ms. Shura was the one making the plans, we just followed her directions.”

“It doesn’t matter, we just need to get out now.” Izumo is already sitting up. “We’ll stick together for as long as we can. If we feel any pressure we’ll split up again but we’ll have another location to meet up planned by then. We still have several hours of light, so if we run now we should be able to get quite a few miles away before finding a place to camp.” She leans over and reaches under the bed to pull out her backpack.

She’s right. Everyone starts to move to get their bags when we hear a commotion of clumsy, heavy steps and then the front door slamming open. Shima, being the only one already standing, rushes to the doorway only to be nearly crushed by Suguro who skids to a stop in the hallway.

“Guys, we need to run! I was on the roof and I saw patrols crossing the south bridge! It’s way too early for them to be starting standard routes, something must-.” Suguro notices that we’re all crowded around the naga. “The hell is that and why-“ He gets cut off a second time by Shima pushing him towards the other bedroom saying he’ll explain as they pack.

All of us explode into motion after that, throwing the few things we had pulled out of our bags back in them and yanking on proper shoes. It doesn’t take long, we’ve got our stuff piled by the front door on under a minute. I’m about to throw my backpack on when I realize Kuro isn’t here. I rush back into the master bedroom and see Kuro lying next to the serpent. He’s completely covered in bandages, hardly any of his scales are visible now. The one over the bullet wound has a small spot of blood bleeding through but he otherwise seems to be ok, Yukio did a good job. I kneel down next to them and look at Kuro.

_ He wants to stay.  _ His yellow eyes shift to me.  _ I asked if he wanted to come with us, that you’ll take good care of him and be nice. But he said he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t like being around humans that much. _ The snake then opens his eyes and flicks his forked tongue.  _ He says thank you though.  _ Kuro translates.

“Will he be ok?”

_ Yeah, he just needs rest. He’ll probably end up hiding in the rubble somewhere. _

I nod in understanding before gesturing for Kuro to come. I hate leaving Shura’s familiar, especially when he’s so hurt and because of my own guilt but I’m not about to force a 7 foot demon snake to come with us. He gives one last flick of his tongue in our direction before we slip out the door.

We rush out of the apartment and start making our way down the street, away from the bridge that leads to True Cross. We try to run, but there’s so much debris in the street we keep losing our footing. Sheimi slips and nearly falls with a squeak but Izumo grabs her arm in time. She pauses to allow her to get her footing but nearly drops her after a second.

“Why on earth are you wearing your school uniform?!”

We all pause and look at Sheimi. Sure enough the blonde is in the short school skirt, blouse, and tie. None of us had even realized it earlier in the panic over the naga and our rush to get out.

Sheimi blushes and toes a piece of brick. “It’s the only thing I have that isn’t a kimono...and I don’t have any shoes other than getas.”

“Oh for the love of…” Izumo slaps her hand over her eyes and groans audibly. “We’ll loot a clothing store later.” She grabs Sheimi’s hand and we start running again.

We keep up a harsh pace for well over an hour before we’re forced to slow down. The shadows are lengthening to a concerning point and we’re double checking each patch before crossing them. Izumo’s pulled out her magic circle papers, Shima has his staff, I’ve got a hand on my sword, and Yukio pulled out one of his guns. We’ve been heading north for the most part but we’ve cut west every few blocks so we’re not moving in a straight line. It’s worked to have more sunlight but now the light is just brushing the tops of the buildings and most of the streets have been overtaken by the darkness. We emerge from one of our westerly jogs only to find the street completely encased.

I feel like we haven’t gotten far at all, everything looks the same. Rubble, collapsed buildings, fire consumed parks and gardens, there’s nothing to tell us where we are in the city anymore. This area looks like it was once an open marketplace but I’m only guessing because there are individual piles of ash that could have once been stands. The buildings to the west are still standing causing the premature dusk. We all stand there for a second, straining our senses for any danger.

Yukio’s the one who hears the snarl first and he yanks Konekomaru away from the wall. The snap of teeth echoes through the open area and we all stare at the creature. It’s a dog, or at least it was a dog. It reeks of burning hair and flesh but it’s clear why. The remaining fur is charred black and brittle, pieces falling off with even the slightest movement but there isn’t much left. A majority of the poor creature’s body is mottled red and white tissue from fire having stripped the animal of its protective coat. Bone is even visible in the tail and back legs from the flames consuming all the way to the core. What’s even more unnerving though is the empty sockets staring back at us. How it’s able to see us is beyond my guess but not something I ponder for long, I’m just trying to keep myself from vomiting at the smell. It’s mouth is foaming as it growls at us from the edges of the shadows. 

“There’s probably more ghouls in there, we should back track and go around.” Suguro suggests before turning back.

None of us disagree, there’s no telling how many of them are in there and it would take longer to exorcise them than go around the area.

We round the corner of the block we had taken cling to the easternmost side of the street that is still bathed in sunlight.

“How much longer should we run, man? It doesn’t even feel like we’ve gone that far.” Well I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like that.

Suguro slows to a stop and we follow suit. Yukio and I are fine, but Konekomaru and Sheimi are practically wheezing as they hunch over to catch their breath. Izumo drops her bag with a pained expression and rubs her shoulders. I catch a glimpse of very irritated skin under her shirt from where the straps have been rubbing.

_ Should I transform and carry them?  _ Kuro asks. He’s looking at Sheimi and Konekomaru with his head tilted to the side.  _ They’re not nearly as strong as the others. _

“No.” Yukio says before I can answer with a yes, appreciating the offer greatly. “Your other form is too big, it’ll be easy to spot. You also won't be able to fly and your footsteps are too heavy when you run.”

Damn, he’s right.

I slip my bag off too but keep hold of my sword as I look around at the surrounding buildings. Most of them are still standing but fires went through here. Still, most of the buildings looks stable. I finally find one that’s an actual apartment complex with balconies. It’s only five stories tall, but the building next to it is six and I can make the jump. It’s not the tallest building but it should work.

“Hey guys, I’m going to go up there and check things out.”

I don’t even wait for responses before I squat down and launch myself onto the first balcony. My landing is crap. I overshoot the railing and crash shoulder first into the wall. I’m really out of it, clearly. I’m not hurt, but I’m still a little embarrassed that everyone saw that. Whatever. I climb onto the railing and jump up, grabbing hold of the next floor’s and pulling myself up. I work my way up the building until I’m on the last one where I launch myself onto the roof but land in a crouch. Fortunately the area is still bathed in sunlight and I stand up.

The sun is just brushing the horizon, painting the sky beautiful shades of pink and orange. A few windswept clouds linger but otherwise the sky is completely empty, I can’t even spot a single bird. I turn to the south and see the towering structure that is True Cross Academy. We can’t be more than a few miles away from the southern bridge at the base of it and I feel my stomach drop. We really haven't made much progress. I heave a disappointed sigh but I keep on scouting the area, looking for any signs of patrols, vehicles, really anything moving in this disaster zone. Nothing is obvious but I look to the west and see some colors sticking out of all this gray and black. Is that the edge of the portal’s damage? I jump up to the next building that’s another story taller to get a better look. Sure enough, the horizon is lined with reds, oranges, and yellows, a forest in the process of shifting to fall. I never thought I would see woods and think salvation.

I turn to yell the news of my discovery to my friends when I hear something scream past my ear.

I drop down immediately, turning to where I think the threat came from. My heart is racing and I can feel my hair standing on end. There, to the west! It’s hard to see with the sun in my eyes but I catch the glint of a shiny metal sniper rifle pointed at me from a building only two blocks away.

Fuck! Shit!

I launch myself off the building, out of their line of sight just as I hear another bullet whiz past me.

“RUN! FUCKING RUN!”

I land on my feet and into a crouch with my hands catching me to stop my momentum. I don’t think, I just swing my backpack on and grab Konekomaru who’s still panting.

“Yukio! Grab Sheimi!” I don’t even look back, I just swing Konekomaru around so he’s essentially draped over my backpack and I’ve got a grip on his arms keeping him up. I’m sure he’s going to have really bad bruises from my grip on him, especially his left arm since I’m still holding onto my sword but I have no idea how else to hold him while he’s still wearing his pack. I know Suguro is in crazy good shape so I just hope that Izumo and Shima are ok and able to keep up.

I take the lead going west, towards the woods I saw. I know they’re still many miles away, but I don’t know where else to go. Suguro is right behind me but Izumo and Shima aren’t far behind with Kuro in the middle. Yukio is at the back but I suspect it’s mostly him wanting to keep an eye on everyone more than being awkward with his newfound strength and stamina. Sheimi is in his arms bridal style, her arms around his neck and his under her legs and supporting her pack.

“Okumura, what happened? What did you see?” Konekomaru panicked voice asks.

“Snipers, on the roof. They got two shots in before I jumped.”

“WHAT?!” Suguro cries out. “How the hell did they find us?!” I hear him stumble and swear. “Actually...How did they know we would be there? This city is huge, there’s no way that was pure chance…” I can hear fear in his voice and I shudder. He’s right...how did they know we would be there? We didn’t even know we were going to be there!

Fuck fuck fuck!

The sun has set now, taking the last pieces of light from us and the safety that came with it. Fortunately the moon is rapidly rising, bright and full near the center of sky providing us with some illumination. Still, it’s not enough. I can hear the tittering of coal tars in the narrow alleys, the clumsy footsteps of ghouls, I even catch a glimpse of a goblin digging through a dumpster that had rolled out into the street.

We manage to be lucky for only a few minutes before I turn to go down a northern street and come face to face with a naberius. The sickly brown colored creature looks like a haphazard combination of rodents but is much too large to be one. A long rat like tail,short round ears, but three pairs of stumpy legs. Stitches cover its entire body except for the face. There it looks like they have ripped open to reveal the bloody skin and sharp teeth of its muzzle. The thing is sitting up on its furthest back legs and in the remaining four its grip what is unmistakably a human leg and hip. Chunks of flesh are already missing and I begin to wonder if the blood on the creature’s face is it’s own.

I manage to skid to a stop a decent distance away, but it’s not enough to avoid detection. The thing turns away from its meal towards us, a single glowing eye fixed on us. I don’t wait for the creature’s reaction, I just turn and head west down the same street we’d been going down before.

It goes on like that for the better part of an hour. We would change paths when a mid level or group of low levels would appear, foregoing direction in favor of distance. A colony of hobgoblins, a pair of ghouls, too dense of a cloud of coal tars, we would simply turn left or right to avoid them and once we had to turn around completely.

I realize too late that we’re being herded somewhere.

When we reach an area that’s nothing but a crater we’re moving too fast to slow down. I end up falling forward and sliding down to the bottom. Fortunately Konekomaru doesn’t get hurt by being on my back but I’ve busted my chin open, bit my lip, and my shirt is shredded. Suguro, being right behind me, is surprised by the sudden crater too and lands next to me using his hands to catch himself. He hisses in pain and I can see his palms are cut up pretty badly before he even sits up. Shima stumbles his way down, Izumo slides gracefully, Kuro makes his way down slowly, and Yukio jumps down with Sheimi easily.

“You guys ok?” Yukio is leaning over us, a worried look on his face.

He doesn’t get a chance to respond when the area is suddenly lit up with a blinding light. We all cry out in pain and squeeze our eyes shut. I can feel my eyes watering as my night vision is painfully ripped away. Even behind my lids I can still see the light. I hear a series of clicks and my stomach drops. If it weren’t for my brother being a dragoon I’m not sure I would have recognized the sound but unfortunately I do. It’s the sound of a large number of weapons having their safety clicked off.

I struggle to open my eyes, though I really don’t want to, I don’t want to be right. But I am. Along the ridge of this crater are construction spot lights shining down on us, at least twenty True Cross Exorcists pointing their guns at us, and another dozen of unknown Meister classes littered around them. What stands out the most though, is the person standing in the middle of them because he’s the last person I expected to see and he stands out with his white lab coat.

“Well it’s about bloody damn time, I reckoned the lot of ya somehow got lost despite our guides!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me...


	9. Causality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the weird update dates with the last one being on Sunday and this one being over two weeks from it. We should be back on the regular updating schedule now though. Thanks guys!

“Dr...Thompson?” Yukio’s stunned voice is hardly above a whisper but being in the crater and everyone else too stunned to speak the sound is amplified.

“In the flesh.” The doctor pulls a pack of cigarettes from a pocket in his white coat. He gives an almost lazy flick of of his wrist causing one to pop out. “Though honestly, ya can’t be that surprised, right?” The last part is mumbled around the cancer stick.

Everyone is silent. No one even moves. I’m still sprawled out on my stomach and Konekomaru hasn’t moved a muscle from my back, arms staying tight around my neck. I can feel the rapid expansion and contraction of his chest from his heavy breathing. Suguro hasn’t even moved to tend to his wounded hands. He’s still frozen on his knees with his palms facing upward. I can see streams of blood running down his wrist and saturating the cuffs of his hoodie out of my periphere. I can see Yukio still standing with Sheimi in his arms too. His expression is complete shock, eyes locked on Dr Thompson up on the rim. Sheimi has an arm around his shoulders and one fisted to her heart. They both look fine and I’m grateful for that, but I can’t see the others and it makes me nervous. The ash has finally settled from our impact leaving us covered in a fine layer of gray. I can feel it clinging to every part of my exposed skin and I’m trying really hard not to imagine what went into making it.

Dr Thompson clicks a lighter shut and pauses mid drag, the cherry ember dimming. “Hm?” His eyes widen and he leans back, laughing near hysterically with clouds of smoke escaping from his mouth. “Ya-ya seriously thought I was treating ya back at the hospital?!” He manages through his laughter.

A few of the Meisters even let out a few giggles.

I have never been so confused in my life.

Dr Thompson’s laughter eases and he wipes a few tears of mirth from his eyes using the pad of his thumb. “And ‘ere I thought the lot of ya were smart. Aren’t two of ya some of the highest scoring students in The Cram School’s history?” I can see Yukio and Suguro tense out of the corner of my eye. The doctor takes another long drag from his cigarette, though this time he has large cheshire cat smirk around it.

“Answer this for me lads: why the hell would The Vatican go through the trouble of getting a specialty doctor for ya, one all the way from The Land Down Under even, if they’re just gonna kill ya?”

Yukio’s shoulders drop suddenly and Sheimi gives a little squeak of surprise. I can see the gears moving in his mind as he thinks this through, but I already know the main thing he’s doing is beating himself up for not coming up with this possibly happening on his own.

I know I’m not the smartest when it comes to book stuff and school. I’m leagues away from my twin and Suguro, miles from the others. I am street smart though and I can read people. Hearing that Dr Thompson was never there to treat me I know we missed a huge detail that could have helped us. He’s absolutely right, why would they bother to treat me if they planned on executing me?

Suddenly there’s the crack of a gunshot.

I can feel everyone jump at the sound, Konekomaru squeezes his arms uncomfortably tight around my neck. I immediately strain my senses to figure out who was shot. My weakly enhanced sense of smell doesn’t pick up any more blood, just the slight copper tang from Suguro’s hands. Nobody had cried out though and I don’t hear any rapid breathing or someone falling either.

“Ah ah ah, don’t even think ‘bout it sheila, I saw that. Now ya’ve earned ur hands up behind ya head.” Dr Thompson’s taunting voice echoes down.

I hear Izumo mutter a soft ‘damnit’ before the sound of something fluttering down to the ground.

“That’s right missy, we know ur a Tamer and so’s blondie there.” He seems to focus on Sheimi for a second and scoffs. “Though how she’s a Tamer is beyond me. Anyhow, looks like you’re the only two worth worrying about beyond the obvious. So we got a few guns just for both of ya.”

Silence falls for just a few seconds but then Konekomaru speaks up from my back. "H-hey wait a second, how did you guys find us anyways?"

"Oh that was actually really easy." The doctor twirls the cigarette and blows smoke on the glowing embers. "See, it was clear that one sheila was on your side from the beginning. Forget 'er name but it's that one with red hair, bad attitude toward authority, and dresses like she's about to hit the beach."

Shura? He knew Shura was on our side?

"Anyhow, the witness statements from the rooftop with Ernst paint a pretty picture that she's chummy with the lot of ya, so I used 'er to my advantage. Suggested the lass be the one to do your interviews even. Figured it would build comradery or whatever since you all would eventually plot something. We knew ya wouldn't go in quietly once the order for execution was released, so we let you all escape."

I suck in a sharp breath. They let us escape? Did they really plan all of this?

"Oh don't look so surprised, it was for The Vatican's best interest anyways. Fleeing from punishment, it just makes you all look worse. Plus that takes any damages that inevitably happen away from their lovely buildings." He takes another long drag. "After you all fled we made a show of arresting that woman since we knew she was in kahoots with ya. Small public scuffle, dramatic reading of the charges, whole thing. We then locked her in a cell with a guard who 'fell asleep' reading a book. We knew she'd summon her familiar at her first chance to warn ya guys so we let her, best way to get you all out of hiding anyways. A page from the book, some dirt, a bit of blood, and she summoned that little naga just like we planned. We followed the beast and got an idea of where you all were, then called in the big guns. After that it was just a matter of herding ya like cattle to this place. Bit too easy if you ask me, ya could have put up a bit more of a fight or been less predictable. Though I do admit the train tickets and having the sheilas over there play a diversion was cute."

We played right into their hands. It really was too easy to escape the hospital, to get out here. We fell for it...

“Are you going to explain what’s going to happen now or are you just going to stand up there and gloat about how your plan worked?” Suguro yells. He clinches his fists and I get a whiff of fresh blood.

“Oh fine, fine." He gestures to a few guys next to him and they nod. "First things first: the five of ya, get in a line facing us with your hands behind ur heads. You all are just under arrest, not slated for execution.”

Nobody moves.

“Right then, hard way it is. Martin?”

There’s another crack of a gunshot followed by the jingle of Shima’s staff as it hits the ground. Again, I don’t hear anyone cry out or smell fresh blood. It’s another warning shot.

“The lot of ya seem to forget ya have a dozen guns trained on ya.” Dr Thompson yells. “And though I ain’t ordered to kill ya, I can wound ya for a lack of cooperation. Spectacled twin, slowly lower blondie there.”

I turn and watch as Yukio slowly kneels then lowers the arm supporting her knees. Sheimi keeps the hand to her heart as she slowly stands up on her own. I can see her shivering, though I’m sure the cold is only part of it. She lists backwards as the weight of her backpack is shifted back to her from Yukio’s arm. He slowly stands back up, hands held up to show his cooperation.

“That’s more like it.” Dr Thompson does a shooing motion with the hand holding his cigarette. A few bits of ash flutter down to join the layer coating everything. “Now back up missy, go on.”

Sheimi looks back at Yukio, eyes wide and fearful. She mouths something to him but it takes me a second to realize it because the movement was so slight I thought I was seeing things. She keeps her eyes locked on him the whole time as she slowly walks backwards, Yukio’s eyes following her as well. She moves out of my periphery and keeps going until I loud ‘stop’ echoes down the crater.

“Now you, pink haired one. Stand next to blondie.” There’s a pause where I hear Shima scooting back somewhere behind me. “And now you, punk.”

“We have names ya know!” Suguro’s angry voice cries out. He doesn’t move to stand.

“And now ya have titles: Criminals to The Vatican, congrats. Now up and back.”

Suguro looks over at me and I meet his brown eyes. His angry expression melts and I’ve never seen him look so open, so vulnerable. His piercings, his dyed hair, his perpetual grimace and hostile attitude, all of it melts away and I see Suguro. He’s absolutely terrified but there’s something else there, something I can’t name. He opens his mouth to say something but there’s a third crack of a gunshot causing him to flinch and glare up at Dr Thompson. There’s a groove in the ash along his knee from the bullet.

“I said move it.”

Suguro awkwardly moves to his feet from his knees without using his injured hands. He steps back like the others have. Now the only one left is Konekomaru on my back assuming they let Izumo stay where she was. When it comes to his turn there isn’t any fuss, he just slowly gets up off my back though he does push his knee into the base of my back painfully.

“Alright, here’s how this next part is going to work: the both of ya are going to toss ur weapons up to us. Guns first, unload them.” Yukio starts to reach for his twin pistols when the doctor interjects with “Just remember, we have lots of guns pointed at you and your accomplices.” Yukio grimaces but pulls out the pistols from the holster he attached over his jeans, holds them high, and with a click both their magazines clatter to the ground. He throws them up towards them but it’s clear he still isn’t used to his strength because both of them fly over their heads and land somewhere behind them.

Dr Thompson mutters “cute” before looking at me. “Now ur turn, the sword please.”

The sword is still in it’s red fabric clasped in my hands. It’s awkward since I’m still splayed out on my stomach but I manage to chuck the thing towards them. It lands stuck upright in the ground only a foot away from the doctor. I hate giving away my weapon but I’m not about to give up hope with it. We’ll come up with something, right?

Dr Thompson moves forward and yanks my sword out of the earth. He pulls the red fabric off it, grasps the hilt, and draws the weapon. A soft ring echoes about as the steel hums from being drawn out of it’s sheath. I feel and hear the soft whoosh of mine and Yukio’s slight transformation. Ears extend, fangs elongate, and our blue flames ignite, casting a soft glow in the crater.

The doctor examines the sword closely. “Interesting.” He mutters when he looks towards the joint at the hilt. “Looks like it’s already been broken once, mended well too. Such a shame to put hard work to waste. Though that does confirm one of my theories, makes things a lot easier too.” He stabs the sword back into the ground and pitches the sheath and fabric somewhere behind him. “‘ere’s a little lesson for ya since I doubt they’ve gotten to teaching this. Though for you teacher, this will be review.” The doctor flicks his still smoking cigarette to the side. “High level demons will almost always encase their demon hearts into a foreign object. Though heart is a bit of a misnomer, it’s more like a core for a demon’s power. Bit of a safety measure you see, because you can’t exactly kill a high level demon without killing the demon heart. Sure they can get hurt badly, but not killed.”

I really don’t like where this is going.

“But when the object holding a demon heart is broken, it returns to them. Isn’t that right Teacher?”

I look over at Yukio and see that his jaw is clenched and his raised hands have moved to fists. What does he know? How does this affect him?

“When Mephisto sealed away your demon blood in the sword, it wasn’t just yours mate.” He says to me. “Though he didn’t know it, ‘e sealed your brother’s too.” He pulls out another cigarette and lights it. Seriously? This guy is a doctor and he smokes like a chimney. I push that thought aside though as soon as I realize what he said.

“What a second, if that’s true then why didn’t he change when I drew the sword like I did?”

I hear a few of the guns shift in the hands of the Meisters.

“Oh lay off would ya? No need ta get trigger happy.” He blows smoke towards some of them causing one to cough. “Anyhow, good question. It’s something I had to investigate when I was first presented your file days ago because it didn’t fit my theory. But then I was given your statement ‘bout having started testing your blood after the incident Teach.”

I look over at Yukio again. “You were testing your blood?! How fucking much did you know and keep from me?!” I yell at him. I know I should be more focused on that man preaching up on the rim but I can’t help but feel the anger from back at the hospital resurface. Yukio had been keeping secrets from me. He hid what he had been doing with True Cross, with Ernst. I still don’t know why exactly, but this? Hiding that he suspected being part demon like me? I can’t even begin to explain the hurt and betrayal I feel. I lamented the loss of my human appearance to him. I confessed to him how alone I felt being like this. He watched as I struggled to gain some control of my powers. He fucking listened as I finally broke down after the others found out what I really was and rejected me.

And all this time he had suspected he was just like me? All those times when I needed my brother more than anything and he couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t really alone?

I feel an ugly snarl contort my features, baring my fangs to my twin. I don’t even think about it, it’s just instinctual. “What fucking kind of brother hides that shit?!”

“The kind that’s scared!” Yukio whips around to face me, baring his own fangs. His hands are no longer raised, just clenched by his side. “I watched you lose control. I watched you struggle to control your powers. I watched you burn countless things to ash when you got frustrated. I watched as people rejected you. You know what I thought that whole time?!” His glare deepens with the pause. “That’s going to be me! I’m going to face all of that but it’s going to be even worse because I’m well known at True Cross! I’m a TEACHER! But most importantly, that I’m not as strong as YOU!” Yukio takes a step towards me. “Everything that happened to you, and yet you still carried on with a smile. You forgave people, you tried harder, you didn’t give up. Well you know what Rin?!” He takes another step towards me. “I’M NOT AS STRONG AS YOU AND I NEVER WILL BE.”

He’s practically standing over me and I can feel his anger. I feel my body go on the defensive, snarl now audible and the fur on my tail standing on end.

“ENOUGH!” We both freeze and look back up towards the men on the rim. “As touching as this is, I’d like to move on now.” He takes a drag of the cigarette for a dramatic pause. “Anyhow, back to the sword. My main theory lies with the fact that never have we seen an object containing two demon hearts. I believe that because you were the dominant twin, the one with a stronger demonic affiliation, your powers sort of overwhelmed your brothers causing them to only leak out when the sword was finally drawn. Fits right? Your statements included saying how your sense of smell started change and your hearing got better. Shame your eyes never did.”

Yukio doesn’t respond and the doctor seems to take the silence as affirmation.

“But then there was the incident where the sword cracked. Then it wasn’t leak anymore, a small trickle, it became a gush. That’s when ya started testing daily, ain’t it? Ya noticed how things changed if you lost your temper, if ya got frustrated. Eventually you would have ended up like your brother, just not all at once. But thanks to your dear old dad, that process was accelerated.”

“He’s not our father!” We both cry out in tandem.

“Fine, fine.” He waves a hand in a dismissing motion. “One who raised ya or not, his blood still runs through ya. And now I’ve got two to deal with.”

“So how did you get involved in all of this?” Yukio asks in a tense voice.

“Easy, I’m the one sanctioned by The Vatican to research how to kill high level demons.” He holds his arms in a dramatic gesture, like he’s doing a grand reveal and he’s some sort of celebrity. No one responds though. “Very well, not impressed? Doesn’t matter, bottom line is that I’m the one who knows how ta kill ya, test results proved it.”

“All those scans and tests at the hospital?”

“Exactly!” He points at me, clearly getting excited as he explains his ‘research’. “All those things proved that both of ya don’t have ur demon hearts. Which means that there’s only one place they can be.” He gestures to my sword. “With that explained, Martin?”

The blonde Meister he had addressed earlier picks up an object next to him and hands it to the doctor. It’s a saw. The blade isn’t that big, but it’s clearly powerful with how much is housed in plastic behind it.

“Just a wee little thing but it’s got a diamond edge, should get the job done.” He flicks a switch and the saw screams to life. Its loud roaring echoes around us and I grit my teeth at the sound. As loud and awful as the sound is alone, it isn’t anything compared to when it meets the shiny steel of my sword. It’s ear splitting and I clamp my hands around my elongated ears, punishment be damned. No shots are fired, but it doesn’t matter because I feel the second the steel starts to give way under the teeth of the saw. I know I’m screaming and I’ve shifted onto my side into a fetal position. I feel as though part of me is being ripped apart, some part I can’t even identify. I can feel my human heart beating frantically in my chest, blood roaring in my ears, but there’s another series of thumps. It’s hard, heavy, but still just as desperate. I recognize the feeling when I was on the floor of the True Cross building, when Yukio gave me my repaired sword back.

I pry my eyes open and see my brother in just as much agony. He’s collapsed onto his knees, hands over his own ears. He’s hunched over and I notice his glasses have fallen off. They now lie in a halo thin glass beneath him. He’s screaming too, tears running down his face from the pain.

I blink and my vision is blurred from my own tears of pain. I try to keep my eyes open though, focussed on my brother. I don’t know how long it goes on but suddenly I realize our flames are pulsing with the beats I feel. The beats begin to pick up and so do the pulses of our flames until suddenly it all snaps. It happens all at once. The sound of steel being cut stops followed by the clatter of the hilt hitting the ground but the roar of the saw remains. The beats and flames give one final powerful burst and I feel like I’m punched in the stomach. All the air rushes out of me, leaving me gasping for air and a painful new ache pulsing in my gut. I’m just trying to breath when a manic voice echoes down to us.

“Confirmed! My theory confirmed! Look at that mates! Beautiful!”

I wheeze and look up at the man. He switches off the saw and tosses it to the side. It lands right next to the hilt of my broken sword. The large portion of the metal still stands proudly in the ground.

“Wha-” I stop to try and get more air into my lungs. “What did you do to us?”

“Just returned your hearts. Now we can actually kill ya.” The doctor pulls his white coat aside revealing a small handgun strapped to his waist. He reaches for the weapon and pulls it out. “Thing is, still can’t just kill ya like ya are now. No no, that would still be too easy for high level demons. Ya both need to have your demon blood and powers running at full steam. Ironic thing really, to be ur most powerful you’re at your most vulnerable. Expose ur demon hearts and ya become something truly terrifying, but ya make the target obvious for killing ya.”

“And exactly how are you going to force us to do that? It’s not like we even know how to do that.” I manage to snark.

“Ya don’t seriously think I didn’t plan that part out? What the hell do ya think I’m doing in The Outback because I certainly ain't there fuk’n spiders.”

I seriously hope that’s just an expression.

“This,” he pauses for a second to open the magazine of his gun open. He slides out the top object and see that it’s not actually a bullet. Instead, it looks like a tranquilizer dart. The glass tube has something in it and is capped with a fuzzy blue end. “This is what I’ve been working on mates.” He rolls the thing between his fingers and holds it a little higher, admiring his work. “This ‘ere little beauty is a bit of my own creation. Took years ta make though, bit of a shortage of high level demons to test it on. Still, it was well worth it.” He slides the thing back into the magazine and pops it back into the gun.

“Thing is, we can force ya ta change.” That cheshire cat smirk from earlier returns as he takes one last puff of his cigarette. “Funny thing adrenaline. That fight or flight response is mighty powerful when triggered because it’s only triggered in a life or death situation. And thing is with adrenaline, we can make it.” He clicks the safety off and points the gun at my brother. “And that’s where instinct takes over. The body will do whatever is necessary in that situation to survive, and that includes letting your demon heart take over. And that’s how we can kill ya.”

This gunshot is the loudest of them all. I flinch violently at the sound but I manage to keep my eyes on Yukio. He jerks back a bit when the dart makes contact with his shoulder and then moves to look down at the thing. He looks up at me from it and I can see the second the drug takes effect. His eyes widen and I see his pupils dilate followed by his breathing rate increasing. I can see him trying to fight something but he loses right away. He grabs the top of his head where small twin flames burn and starts screaming. I watch in horror as the teeth in his mouth all become pointed like his fangs. They don’t lengthen, but they all gain that distinct shape. Then his hands start to change. His claws grow longer, now unmistakably black talons. But the change doesn’t stop there. Fur the same color as his hair and tail appears and creeps from the tips of his fingers to his elbow. The final thing that changes is two horns appear where the flames were. They sprout forth and follow his skull back behind his head before curling upwards slightly. They’re black but grooved like a rams and in those grooves the same blue color of our flames bleeds out. His flames don’t change, but they do seem to wrap around him more than simply come from him like before.

His screaming stops suddenly and turns into violent pants. His hands release their death grip on his new horns to fall with a heavy thump next to him. He slowly opens his eyes and I see that his once normal blue eyes are now feathered and rimmed with red.

“Your turn mate.” Is the only warning I get before I feel the sting of the needle registers.

I feel the effects immediately and start screaming as my brother had, hands digging into my scalp as I feel my skin split to expose horns. I feel my body change just like my brother’s had. My teeth change in my mouth, my claws become talons, fur bursts along my hands and forearms, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I scream in pain as I feel the change shift with my heart racing to the point I fear it’s going burst. My veins feel like they’re on fire as whatever chemical was injected in me spreads, the heat is unbearable, but the worst feeling is in my head. I feel rational thought slowly get pulled away, replaced with something primal. It all gets stripped away, every last bit of my humanity. I feel it, I feel the primal, instinctual part of me roar to life and take over.

The change stops and I’m panting. Smells, so many smells. Men on the rim, all men. Brother, my brother in blood. His familiar smell washes over me and I look at him. Submissive, waiting for me to lead. Good brother.

Revenge. Want revenge, want freedom. A voice in the back of my head whispers protect. Protect? I look behind me and see five pairs of eyes looking back at me. All scared. Yes, protect.

Crack. Gun, gunshot. Scream, blood smell. Blood from biggest human. His hands move to cover his side and there’s blood, lots of blood. Other humans scream.

Kill. Revenge.

I jump up, high, high towards the moon. More screams, more gunfire. No, no hurt me. I spin with my flames intensifying around me. Bright, beautiful. Bullets scream around me, a few graze my skin and burn, but none hurt, none kill.

I move quickly down the line, guns fly out of grasps and are either crushed in my hands or fly far away. Blood flies with them, I don’t care how, I just focus on the weapons.

A human charges at me with a broad sword. Stupid. I move out of the way in a blur before he hits me and grab the hands holding the hilt. I crush the bones, the sick crunch makes me smile and I look the pathetic man right in the eye. I see the pain, the fear, and it’s delicious. I raise my hand, razor sharp talons glinting in the moonlight. In a flash I drag them down the man’s stomach. He screams in pain. I drop his hands and he falls to his knees, blade falling beside him. He stares in horror at the pink ropes of intestine hanging out of him. Hours. It’ll take hours for him to die. All should suffer for what they have done.

I spare a glance to my brother and see gore dripping from his chin. A twisted smirk plays across his face as he holds a limp body in front of him, blood still flowing from the cut across the human’s neck. I hear the click of the safety on a gun being turned off and I move. The hand falls to the ground, still holding the gun. The man screams in horror at the stump.

Die. All of you. Die.

They all fall, one by one by our hands. Blood shimmers black beneath the cold moonlight on the scorched earth like a painting, death and the metallic tang of blood perfumes the air, screams of agony are music, our flames dance alongside us casting a soft blue light, beautiful. It’s all beautiful. Swords, every type of gun, a few familiars, all of them fall by our hands as the minutes tick by.

I’m crouched over a human, hands around his throat when the substance disappears from my system. It’s sudden, like a light switch, not like before where it slowly consumed me.

I blink the last bits of the haze from my eyes, feeling my senses dull which disorients me. The horns disappear, my talons turn back into claws, the fur disappears, but my ears and fangs stay elongated, my flames still dance around me. I look down at the human before me and see that he is dead, my hands still tight around his throat. I cry out and fling myself off of him. I can’t catch myself though, my hand slips in a pool of blood and I crash awkwardly. I get up, slowly untangling myself from and I look in horror at what my brother and I did.

I can remember everything. Every bit of it. I can still feel skin ripping under my claws, warm blood splashing onto me, bones crushing under my grasp, I remember it all. But most of all, I remember enjoying it.

I hear violent retching and look over. I see my brother not too far from me. He’s equally covered in blood and gore on his hands and knees. He retches again but only a small bit of bile comes up from his empty stomach.

I feel my own stomach clench, threatening to expel its meager contents but a sob wins out. I choke on it as I look around and see the horrors my brother and I rought. Blood, gore, pieces of people, bodies, it’s too much. I cry out and let the anguish consume me. Screaming, sobbing, I stay in the midst of all I did as I fall apart.

“Rin?”

I whip around and see Suguro standing a few feet away from me. One hand is still clamped over his side and covered in blood, though none of it looks fresh, like it managed to stop. Other then that he just looks disheveled. Dirt and ash covers him head to toe, his clothes are slightly torn, but he looks ok.

“Su-Suguro?” I manage.

He reaches out with his free hand, pausing just beyond my blue flames. He reaches out a little more and nothing happens. His skin doesn’t burn, there’s no pain, no heat, the flames just bend around is outreached hand. After confirming that he won’t get hurt he takes the two steps to reach me. He collapses in front of me and yanks me to him. I don’t know what comes over me but I throw my arms around him, crushing myself into him. He shifts so his legs are crossed and pulls me closer into him. I sit in his lap and put my knees on either side of his hips. My tail wraps around his thigh too as I force myself to be as close as possible to him. I know I’m loudly wailing in his ear but he doesn’t seem to care, the arm around my shoulders just pulls me closer and he buries his face into the junction of my neck and collar.

I don’t know how long we stay like that but I open my eyes when I hear the crunch of footsteps approaching. It’s Shima. There’s a cut in the shoulder of his t-shirt exposing a still bleeding gouge. I take a second to look around and see my brother still on his hands and knees but Shiemi is there with a hand on his shoulder. Konekomaru is still struggling up the side of the rim and Izumo is standing a few feet away looking around with wide eyes. The rest of them all look fine, no injuries and I feel a wave of relief.

I catch sight of the man I disemboweled, now clearly dead from a blow to the head. His intestines are still hanging out around him but the side of his head is caved in and his wide sightless eyes are lifeless. Another violent sob catches in my throat and I hold tighter onto Suguro. He does the same.

“Hey Bon?” It’s Shima’s voice, soft as he moves around me. I feel Suguro look up from my shoulder at him. I hear dirt and rocks shift as he kneels down behind me. “Now I think we have to worry about PTSD.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...ta dah?


	10. Damages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god guys I'm so sorry, I know I'm almost a week late...Last week was hellish with projects and final unit exams, now I have finals this week. On top of all of this, holiday shopping. As much as I love Christmas and giving gifts, I hate dealing with people to get the gifts. It's like people suddenly become their worst this time of year! Ugh...Anyways! Best of luck to all of you guys that are students with your projects and finals! And good luck to all of you having to do holiday shopping :D
> 
> I promise I'll try my hardest to get an update out next Tuesday but...I have finals Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, then a 3 hour drive Friday to visit friends for the weekend. (Translation: I really don't have time to write until Monday...)

We stay in the middle of the battlefield far longer than I want to but I’m in no position complain. I stay in Suguro’s lap the whole time which means I don’t help the others, nor does Suguro. Even after my inconsolable melt down has turned to silent tears he doesn’t move, he just stays put with his arm around me. He does call out questions and commands though, clearly taking on the role of leader in all this. I know Yukio would normally be the one to take it but he’s just as indisposed as I am. He’s seated with his knees pulled up, his arms wrapped tightly around them and face hidden within. He must still be a mess because Sheimi hasn’t moved from his side. She’s on her knees facing him with her arms wrapped tight around his shoulders, his flames bending around her just like mine are around Suguro. I can see that she’s whispering things to him but her voice is too soft and they’re too far away for me to hear. She’s also still in just her school uniform with her sock-clad knees pushed into the scorched earth. It has to be painful with who knows what digging into her skin but she doesn’t seem to care as she continues to rub Yukio’s back and whisper to him.

Konekomaru moves back into my line of sight as he picks through the mess. He’s clearly uncomfortable and nauseated; his skin is paler than the moon and his hands shake but he pushes on. He pulls on a black trench coat with one hand and pulls out a very bloody pistol with the other. He adds it to the other two he’s found in the waistband of his jeans after he confirms that the safety is on. He doesn’t look at the fresh blood on his hands, they’re already covered up to his elbows.

Izumo is further away doing same but she’s found one of the guns I crushed. She releases the magazine and puts the ammo in a sack she pilfered. She seems the least fazed by what’s going on but I’m sure it’s mostly just a mask. Izumo isn’t the type of person to show anything that might be considered weakness.

I know the work is necessary and important, we need these weapons and any supplies on them but I can’t bring myself to move. It’s like a horrible nightmare that I can’t wake up from and has completely immobilized me. Everything just keeps replaying over and over in my mind, no matter how hard I try. I remember back to when I was small the few times I had been scared or uncontrollably upset. It wasn’t often, usually I used fear as a tool to fight and most of the time I got frustrated rather than upset but there are a few times I remember. A bad dream, a particularly cruel adult, once I watched a horror movie way too young. And when that happened, my dad would hold me just like Suguro is holding me now and tell me everything’s ok.

That’s not going to happen this time though. Everything isn’t going to be ok because I’ve done something horrible.

I don’t know what’s worse now: the fact I did this, that I could turn into that monster again, or the part of me that feels relief at still being alive. The latter is a feeling that’s equal parts relief and disgust because the only reason I’m alive is the others died. What makes my life more valuable than theirs? Why shouldn’t I have a bullet between my eyes?

A hiccup causes me to jump and breaks my train of thought.

“I found a radio!” Shima calls out somewhere behind me.

“Awesome. Is it battery operated or chargeable?” I can feel Suguro’s voice with how close I’m pressed to him. Heck, my elongated right ear is even pressed into his hair and I can hear the words move through his body. He goes back and forth with Shima discussing his find but eventually lapses back into silence.

“Keep talking.” I say after only a moment of silence. My voice is completely wrecked. It’s hardly even a whisper it’s so soft but even worse it’s gravely and I hardly understand the words I just spoke. “Please.” I try again after clearing my throat. “Please, keep talking.”

“About what?” He asks softly so only I can hear.

“I don’t know. Something, anything. It helps.” God I’m so needy right now but I don’t feel any shame or embarrassment when I realize it. I’m drowning too much in other thoughts and emotions to care.

“Alright, sure.” He starts reciting sutras. I’m not surprised to be honest, but I do wish it were something else he had chosen. Most of them aren’t even in languages I recognize. Either way it does help. I focus on his voice, his tone, the way he talks, and it manages to keep me from thinking about what happened or what could happen again.

After a few more minutes of picking through things Konekomaru looks up at us. His brows rise from behind his glasses and he approaches.

“You’ve got a lot of grazes from bullets and they’re all still bleeding, we should really clean them up.” He’s looking at my arms wrapped around Suguro’s neck. Suguro stops reciting sutras and I shake my head quickly to say no. I don’t want Suguro to stop reciting sutras, I don’t want to move, I don’t want my wounds tended to. Konekomaru sighs and his shoulders sag. “Okumura we don’t know how badly you’re hurt, we really should take a look.” I shake my head more and hold onto Suguro a little tighter. Suguro seems to understand.

“Hey man, I know, it’s ok.” He sounds like he’s talking to a little kid and I hate myself for feeling comforted. “It’ll be for just a second ok? I also need someone to look at my side, kinda got shot ya know?”

I tense when the memory comes back. The blood, the sound, the smells…

“I’m fine!” Suguro quickly adds, feeling the shift in my body. “It stopped bleeding a while ago. Just wanna be careful ok?”

I still don’t want to let go. I feel safe, I feel like someone still cares about me despite what I did, I feel less like the monster I know I am. I take a deep breath and nod. Suguro waits for my arms to loosen before he moves his. I slowly lean back but I keep my head down. I know I look awful. I can feel the blood that’s now dried all over me. I can feel how puffy my face is from breaking down. I can feel pieces of gore stuck in my hair. On top of all that I still look like a monster. My ears are long, my fangs poke out past my lower lip, my flames are still burning. I can’t look Suguro in the eye.

I don’t get a choice though because I feel a hand under my chin. Suguro pushes gently and I end up looking straight into his brown eyes. His expression is closer to his norm with his brow furrowed but instead of looking annoyed he looks almost...concerned? That can’t be right, why would he be concerned about me? Doesn’t he see me? Doesn’t he see the monster? Isn’t he at least disgusted? I jerk my chin away and shift backwards off his lap.

I sit with my legs crossed and my gaze focused on the ash around me. Konekomaru is right, I can feel all the grazes from the bullets and the blood oozing out of them. They’re all over, though my arms seem to be the worst off. They don’t hurt like a normal cut either. No, these all burn. I remember what the nurses said back at the hospital and realize it’s the residue from holy water casings. I heave a sigh and I do a quick self-check. There’s a few on the outside of my right thigh, one went through the toe of my shoe and somehow didn’t take a digit with it, one took a chunk out of my right shoulder, and at least seven grazed my arms. The one that hurts the most though is the one that took a piece of my left ear. I try to run a finger over it to try and get a better idea of the damage but it hurts too much. My clothes are a complete mess too but that’s not surprising. My jeans managed to survive the fall into the crater with minimal damage but now they’re torn at the hems, my right thigh where the bullets grazed me, and the knees pretty much threadbare. My shirt is even worse off. It ripped in several places with the fall but now the sleeve of the right shoulder is gone as well as a chunk in the right side. Of course it’s also all completely saturated in blood.

I hear a sharp hiss of pain and whip around to see Suguro pulling the bloody fabric of his shirt away from the bullet wound. The blood has already dried and adhered the shirt to the damaged skin. He pulls again and manages to get the rest of it off with a loud groan. He lifts the shirt and I’m greeted with a horrifying sight. There’s so much blood smeared across his stomach and side. The hole is right at the edge of his side above his hip, only a few inches between the entrance and exit wound so I know no internal organs got hit, but still. What’s worse is that it’s started bleeding again from the fabric ripping away the seal. The bright red liquid oozes out and blends with the darker dried blood before soaking his jeans even more.

As much as I want to look away, I can’t. I need to see how hurt he is and that Konekomaru tends to all his wounds.

Shima brings the medical bag over when Konekomaru asks for it and I see that his shoulder is wrapped in a thick layer of bandages. A makeshift sling has also been made out of his button up to keep it immobilized. He offers me a half smile before walking away.

Konekomaru inspects Suguro’s side a bit but he clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing. He sighs and just puts gauze over the holes before binding it tight with a few compression bandages. Moving on to his hands is a different story. He has to use tweezers to pull a piece of glass out of the heel of one hand and some small pieces of cement in the other. Once they’re cleaned he globs antiseptic cream everywhere before binding them in a similar way he did Suguro’s bullet wound.

When Konekomaru moves on to me he pauses. He watches my flames flicker and dance around for a minute, anxiety palpable. Once he summons his courage he gulps and lifts a shaky hand, slowly reaching towards the edge of the blue. Just like with Suguro, the flames bend around him. Konekomaru slowly moves his hand and the flames continue to bend around it. Seeming satisfied he won’t get hurt, Konekomaru gets to work. I have no idea how the flames are doing that but I’m not about to question it too much. I never really wondered why my clothes didn’t burn off anyways. Might as well leave it to Yukio to figure out later.

 “These all look like grazes, how on earth did you do that? I heard the guns go off so many times!”

I shrug because honestly, I’ve been wondering the same thing. That proves to be a bad idea though because it pulls at the gouge in my shoulder. Konekomaru gets to work bandaging me after that. It’s clear he’s not going to have enough compression bandages for all my wounds though so he ends having to tape most of them. My shoulder needs more attention than basic first-aid but we don’t bother Yukio, we just silently agree to deal with it later. In the end I look ridiculous. Most of me is covered in white bandages which is a stark contrast to the mix of gray ash and red blood I’m covered in. Looking down at my arms I’m reminded of cheap toilet paper mummies kids dressed up as.

Once he’s done, Konekomaru grabs the bag and walks over to Yukio. He seems to be about the same shape as me with tons of grazes. Wonder how that’ll go.

I jerk my gaze the other way when I hear some debris shift and see Kuro making his way towards me. His black and white coat is covered in gray and his paws have bits of blood on them. I can tell they’re not his though, it’s just transfer from moving around here. I’m so happy to see him and see that he’s ok, I was wondering what happened to him.

“Kuro, where did you run off to?”

 _I didn’t know how to help with the fight, sorry._ He bows his head a bit and looks away. _I wanted to, I really did like the other day, but…_ He trails off and his ears go back. He doesn’t need to say anything else, I understand.

I reach over and scratch his favorite spot. “Hey no worries, I was just curious. Started to worry about you.”

Kuro pushes against my hand and looks up at me.

 _That blond girl’s familiar was here the whole time. They put up a wall of vines that seemed to keep your flames and the bullets away._ Kuro catches sight of Shima with his bandaged shoulder and sling. _Most of them at least. I crawled out and saw that doctor man running away with a few people. I tried to follow them but they got away in a weird looking car._

“Doctor Thompson got away?!”

Things were quiet before but now I have everyone’s stunned attention. I look around and sure enough, there’s a white coat missing from the sea of black trenches.

How?!

My heart starts pounding faster, louder and my breath quickens as I frantically continue to look around for him. Kuro has to be wrong! If he’s still alive he can turn me back into that monster, I can’t go through that again! Black, red, grey, no white. I can feel my shoulders start to rise and fall in rapid succession with my panicked breathing. No, no, no! He’ll find us again, he’ll use that poison again! I can’t, I can’t! What if next time I hurt my friends? I just started attacking people, I didn’t care who. It was just a blind rage and urge to cause pain. What if one of my friends tries to help or doesn’t get away in time and they end up with my claws in their gut? I picture Sheimi looking up at me with her big blue eyes, mouth open in a silent scream with my hand wrist deep into her stomach. Her warm blood oozing out and running along my arm…

I feel nausea bubble up from my gut.

 _Hey!_ I feel a sharp pain in my finger and yank it away. Kuro is looking at me with wide eyes and slowly closes his mouth. The jerk bit me! I glare down at him but a second later I realize he successfully pulled me from my near hysterics. He returns my glare.

_Stop that! I found someone to help!_

“Wait, what?”

Kuro rolls his eyes, clearly getting fed up with me. He gets up and takes a few steps back. _Come on! We have to go to him._

“Who?”

 _Just come on already!_ He turns around and takes a few more steps, threatening to leave without me. _We’re making him wait a long time already since I had to come back and fetch you!_

“Will you at least tell me who it is?!” I’m starting to get frustrated with him.

_No, because you might not accept his help._

“Oh gee, that really makes me want to go meet him.” I yell sarcastically since he’s now at the edge of the battlefield.

The cat still ignores me.

I groan, roll my eyes, but eventually give in because we really don’t have any options at this point. I push myself up and it’s more of an effort than I’d like to admit. I can only use one arm with my injured shoulder and the burning sensation from the grazes erupts to a near blinding level, forcing a few curses from my lips. I manage to get to my feet though and take a few steps to follow Kuro.

“Rin! Hold up!” I jerk my head but mostly out of surprise. Yukio hasn’t said or really done anything this whole time, I hadn’t expected him to pay attention to what Kuro was saying. He’s pushing himself up though Konekomaru and Sheimi are clearly protesting. Konekomaru is still holding the medical tape too so I assume he wasn’t finished.

“I’m coming too.” He manages with a pant.

“Wait now hold up!” Izumo chimes in. She puts her hands on her hips and fixes us with a glare. “Care to explain to the non-demon folks here?!”

I really need to stop forgetting that fact.

“Kuro found help.” Yukio says simply before taking a few steps. How he’s moving at all is beyond me, four-eyes is blind as a bat without his glasses.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, then I’m coming too.” Shima exclaims.

“No way am I staying here!” Konekomaru chucks the tape into the bag before scrambling to his feet.

 “We’ll all go.” Suguro’s tone leaves no room for argument behind me. I spare a glance over at Kuro to make sure he’s still waiting before jumping down into the crater to grab our backpacks. Whatever, it’ll probably make things a lot easier if we all go with our stuff. It also means we can finally get out of this place and never come back, I can finally push these memories into a deep dark part of my mind and try to forget about it.

  

* * *

 

It takes a few minutes but we do manage to finally get out of there.

Everyone is absolutely filthy. We’re all caked in blood, though most of us it’s our own. Sheimi’s knees are bloodied from kneeling, which leaves Konekomaru and Izumo being the only ones without major injuries. It would be hard to tell at first look though. Both of them have blood caked up to their knees and elbows as well as random streaks from picking through everything. As if the blood isn’t enough the ash coats everything else. Our faces, our clothes, even as we march on more of it grabs ahold of us to add another layer. On top of the filth it seems like the adrenaline has worn off leaving everyone absolutely exhausted. When was the last time we even slept?

The pace we keep is slow due to a number of factors. Kuro is leading but in his smaller form which makes it difficult to move around, especially the larger bits of debris forcing him to go around them. That isn’t really a problem because exhaustion is slowing the rest of us down. Feet are dragging, slipping, and stumbling which brings out an occasional string of curses. It’s still relatively dark too but it seems like the battle drove away any demons in the area, we haven’t seen or heard a single one in the darkness. Still, everyone is tense and keeping as much of their weary senses open to finding threats as they can.

Sheimi is struggling with her injured knees. She tried to keep how hurt she was from Yukio but I think he still got a good idea, even without his vision. She just picked out what debris she could before grabbing her bag to head out. Yukio has the medical bag slung over his backpack. It must be considerably lighter now that so many of us have had to use it. I doubt the others expected to use it for stuff like this when they told Yukio to fill it, it was probably supposed to be just for my injuries at the time. Izumo has the small pack she snagged over her front. I didn’t realize how much stuff she grabbed until we started moving. The thing is practically bursting at the seams. Konekomaru shoved the guns he found into his pack as well as a few other things. Shima doesn’t have his pack due to his shoulder injury so I’m carrying it over mine. I tried to take Suguro’s due to his side injury but he just pushed me away and slung it over his shoulders. He tried to hide the wince of pain but I saw it. Stubborn jerk.

He’s also carrying the broad sword.

He tried to get me to take it originally. He had picked it up and basically shoved it at me but I nearly puked on him. I remember exactly what I did to the man who held it. His blood covers the once beautiful sword, hiding the engraved sutras and elaborate designs in the hilt. Suguro pulled it away when my stomach clenched forcing a dry heave. It took me a second to breath before I was able to point to the eviscerated man five feet away saying it was his. Suguro looked over at him but I didn’t see his reaction, my head was still bowed in case my stomach decided to empty. He put his hand on my uninjured shoulder after a minute and muttered how I needed a sword but he’ll hold onto it for now. He didn’t give me a chance to respond before moving away.

We trudge along for nearly half an hour before we reach our goal. Kuro must have really been booking it earlier. Either way it’s clear who is here to help us when we reach a block of shops. Sitting on top of what was a raised garden bed is a little white dog with a large pink bow. He’s lounging with his eyes closed but he twitches an ear when he hears us coming and perks up. He takes his sweet time stretching and yawning as we approach.

“Well, looks like you’ve seen better days.” His high pitched voice greets us.

Yukio is probably just now realizing there’s something living on the stone because he jumps at that which knocks me out of my shock.

“Mephisto?! You’re the one here to help us?!” I sputter.

“Mephisto?!” Comes a collection of shocked voices.

Oh god I do not want to be the one to explain this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god now I have 9 characters to deal with! I am regretting my choices with this story D:


	11. Refuge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT MY FAULT THIS TIME!!! My husband accidentally broke the charger for my laptop and it took forever to get a replacement with the holidays. I'm so so sorry guys, I really never meant for an update to take this long. This chapter is the longest chapter to date so I hope it's worth the wait!
> 
> On another note I can't even begin to express my gratitude for all of the feedback for this story! Kudos, hits, bookmarks, comments, y'all are so generous and I'm just blown away. Thank you, thank you so much guys!

“THIS IS YOUR HOUSE?!” We manage to cry out at the same time.

“Well, one of them.” Is his nonchalant reply.

“ONE OF THEM?!”

“I have a number of homes. This one is of French Countryside influence. Never did care for the people, but I have to admit their tastes in food and architecture are something to behold. I had this home built in-” I stop paying attention to his ramblings to continue gawking at the mansion before us.

It’s well after sunrise by now but I have no idea exactly how late in the day it is. We walked for hours just to reach the woods where in the safety of the trees Mephisto had changed back into his human form to lead us. Sheimi had carried him up to this point and I’m not sure which of us was more grateful for him changing back because carrying him was no picnic and I was sick of translating.

Kuro ended up carrying half of us the rest of the way house. Initially it was just Yukio because he can’t see shit, but then Shima nearly passed out. Poor guy would have fallen on his face if his staff wasn’t being used as a walking stick. Apparently he’d lost more blood than he let on. Not even thirty minutes after that Suguro got on when he tripped over some roots causing his side to start bleeding again. There was no way to hide it, he cried out and grabbed at his side without thinking. When he pulled his hand away stained with fresh blood I nearly chucked his stubborn ass onto Kuro’s back.

I say nearly because I tried to but with my own injuries I could only shove him.

We ended up yelling at each other for a minute before Izumo stepped in. She threatened to shove a tree branch into each of us if we delayed her from a shower a minute more. Suguro got onto Kuro’s back after that without another word.

Another hour through the woods and we finally got to a neglected paved road. It was filled with pot holes and covered with brightly colored leaves. I’m sure this road is rarely used and seldom cared for but I’m still grateful. Walking along a _mostly_ solid surface is definitely easier than trekking through thick woods. It seemed like being seen wasn’t a concern for Mephisto anymore because he strolled along without a word. A few hours even more and we’re standing in front of this freaking mansion. The road dead ends at the gate and we hadn’t seen a single other home the whole walk here which is actually really reassuring.

The place is only one story but with the tall, steep roofline I’m sure some rooms are two stories high. I have no idea what “French Countryside” means but I assume it partly has to do with all the stone. The exterior walls are covered in a myriad of light colored stones in all shapes and sizes which contrasts sharply with the dark tiled roof. Light colored bricks also boarder the windows, the archways leading to the double front doors, and form a sort of belt around the middle of the house with slightly darker stonework on the lower half. Chestnut brown wooden shudders adorn most of the windows, though they’re clearly for aesthetics and not functionality. The archways leading to the front door are a large extension from the house that goes over the circle drive with the roofline and has a large pendulum gas light in the middle. We’re standing at the gate to the circle drive which clearly is worth more than a year’s tuition at True Cross. The gate is rot iron, at least 10 feet tall, and full of intricate curls at the top and bottom with sleek twisting bars between them. The stone wall it’s attached to is the same color and style as the exterior of the house and extends beyond my vision into the woods. Two gas lights sit on either side of the gate as well as a huge brass plaque with “La Maison de Folie” in calligraphy.

“This is the only way for demons to get onto the estate.” Mephisto has moved to a keypad next to the gate. He puts a key into it, twists it, and types in a code. There’s a soft beep and the mechanical hum of something pulling the gates open. He signals us through before withdrawing the key and moving in himself. As soon as the key is removed the gates start to close. “Wards are everywhere, including in the gate. When it opens, it splits them and allows passage” He looks over his shoulder and glances specifically between me and Yukio. “In case you two didn’t get that, it means stay inside the walls unless you want a nasty shock.”

I grumble at his patronizing tone.

Mephisto starts walking down the driveway and we follow. The gravel crunches loudly beneath our feet and clouds of dust get kicked up by Kuro’s huge paws. “This is an eight bedroom estate. Two are masters with attached ensuites, two sets of bedrooms are joined by Jack and Jill bathrooms and the other two are technically servant’s quarters with their own small bathrooms. One is beyond the butler’s pantry and the other boarders the gardens. I believe the maid stayed in the first and the groundskeeper in the latter.”

“Why on earth would you need a live in maid AND groundskeeper?!” Izumo interrupts shrilly.

“Sir Pheles,” Yukio says in a much gentler tone. “Don’t you live on the school’s campus? Why would you even need a home this big all the way out here?”

“You can’t even see the mansion four eyes!”

“He just said this place has 8 bedrooms, Rin. I may not be able to really see it but I can at least listen.”

Shima lets out a noise that sounds like a delirious laugh into Kuro’s neck.

“You all can stay here as long as needed but please treat my home with respect.” Mephisto continues, ignoring the interruption. “That means cleaning up after yourselves and doing your own laundry.” Mephisto stops and turns to face us once we’re under the extension over the driveway. “I’ll leave instructions and supplies in a minute. Humans, you go ahead and fight over rooms or something. I need to have a moment with the not-so-human ones here.”

Kuro gets down low enough for everyone to slide off before transforming back into his small form. He rubs against my leg before taking off towards the shrubs. Everyone else starts making their way towards the door with the bags. Shima grumbles and drags his feet using his staff as a walking stick again. Suguro stops after a few steps and looks back at us. I’m about to shoo him along but Mephisto throws the house keys at him. He takes the hint and makes his way to the doors to unlock them.       

Once the double doors close behind them, after a chorus shocked expletives at the grandeur of the home, Mephisto starts talking to us.

“Alright, first things first.” He snaps his fingers and an oversized chair appears behind him. He sits down without even looking at it and snaps his fingers again. This time a cup of tea appears in his hands. “I know the whole story, I was there for all of it. Yes Mr. Okumura, all of it.” Yukio closes his mouth and Mephisto takes a sip of his tea. “By the way you might want to avoid Mr. Angel for a while. He still seems a bit irked about having his title as Paladin so rudely taken away and given to you.”

Yukio stares at Mephisto for a second. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem seeing as we’re all the way out here for who knows how long.”

He shrugs. “Fair enough.” He takes another sip but somehow keeps eye contact and a smirk on his face. “I suppose the next thing we should do is make another seal for your powers. As much as I don’t like giving the two of you another crutch I guess it can’t be helped. We don’t have time for the two of you to learn control this way and quite frankly, I don’t want my house to burn down.”

Mephisto reaches into a pocket and pulls out two rings. They’re simple, just a shiny black color with twin strips of shiny silver in the middle but something about them feels off. They seem almost magnetic, like they’re pulling your attention to them while at the same time sucking everything around them in. A shiver runs down my spine. I really don’t like these already.

Mephisto twirls his weird umbrella into his hand and starts tapping the end against the rings in his palm. “Eins, Zwei, Drei.”

The feeling isn’t painful but it isn’t exactly pleasant. It feels like parts of me are being sucked into the ring piece by piece. My flames go out first and I start shivering when the cold air hits my exposed skin. I didn’t realize my flames were making such a difference and I immediately miss them, especially when my ruined clothes provide next to no coverage or warmth. Immediately following that my fangs shrink which is welcomed relief. Talking with them is extremely difficult and I keep pricking my lips and tongue. Claws morph back into stubby, chewed up nails, senses fade, my ears shrink (which does sting with the hole in it) and the final thing to happen is my strength seems to disappear. I hadn’t expected that. My knees buckle and I collapse into the rough stones of the driveway. My limbs are shaking uncontrollably as I try to support myself on my hands and knees. The gravel is digging painfully into my skin and I wonder how Sheimi was able to kneel for so long in the rubble. It only takes a few seconds for everything to change but it feels like it dragged on for a lot longer.

“Small side effect, it’ll go away soon. A lot better than forcibly having your demon hearts returned though, right?” I manage to glare at the clown which elicits an eye roll from him. He tosses us each our rings and I slide it onto my right middle finger. It’s not nearly as heavy as it looks but it’s freezing and the magnetic feeling doesn’t go away. As soon as it’s in place I feel the thing give a pulse.

“The rings were made using the scraps or whatever from forging a few demon swords. Probably not the most stable things but they’ll do for now as your new crutches. You can still draw your flames out with enough training but removing the rings will release your powers to the state you were in a moment ago.” He snaps his fingers again and a plate of delicate scones and biscuits with jam appear. I spare a glance at my brother to see him examining the ring on his right thumb. He looks over at me and notices my confused look.

“Only finger that won’t get in the way of using my guns.”

Ah, that makes sense.

“Well, now that’s taken care of.” Mephisto brushes crumbs from his hands onto the gravel drive. “I suppose I should fill you both in on what’s going on, why I’m helping you, and what will happen.” He puts his hands together so just his fingers are touching and leans back into the chair. I’m reminded of villains in old cartoons and his predatory look doesn’t help the image.

“What’s going on is that the Grigori are grasping at straws. They were effectively dethroned by one man and his followers. They only got it back by his and a majority of said followers’ deaths. They’re making a show of things to try and get their illusion of power and control back. Not my way of doing things but that can’t be helped. Yes they called in Dr. Thompson to help with your elimination, no I don’t know much about him. Never could get much information about that research facility.” I see a flash of frustration and anger cross his face. I get the feeling Mephisto is rarely denied what he wants and when he does he finds some underhanded way to get it. With that look I have to guess that he tried and failed with the Australian facility.

“Anyhow, there’s not much to say beyond that for what has happened. As for the now, I’ll be frank; I’m curious as to how all of this plays out. In the years I’ve been around I have yet to see something this interesting unfold and I’m not about to let it get cut short because one side has an unfair advantage.” His predatory grin reappears. “I’m giving you one of my homes as a sanctuary, you should be safe here assuming you don’t do anything too stupid. What you do here is up to you to decide. I’ll only be able to check on you a few times at irregular intervals, the Grigori don’t exactly trust me and have kept me on a short leash so to speak. Uh-uh, let me finish and then questions.” Yukio lets out a frustrated huff.

“I’ll get some supplies while you clean up though the house should be stocked with the basics. You’ll have to get things on your own after though. I recommend some level of stealth, I believe you’ll be wanted with local authorities as well as True Cross Order.”

“Why local authorities too?!” I interrupt.

“Well True Cross doesn’t have the resources, especially now, to look for you. They probably won’t report the murders, too messy.” Yukio puts his face in his hands. “Simple assault charges will probably do to get their attention.”

“Ok, ok I get it…sorry I asked.” I mumble.

Mephisto shrugs. “I also recommend looting stores while you still can. It’ll be harder to get things when everything is rebuilt and back to normal. I highly doubt any of you would be able to pull off legitimate robberies…actually I take that back. That Izumo girl might be able to pull something off.”

“Wait a second! You’re freaking loaded, why don’t you just give us cash!” That makes sense, doesn’t it? Cards and things can be tracked but cold hard cash isn’t! We can do something to change our appearances and just shop like normal people, make things less complicated. I also really don’t like the idea of stealing from people. I’m sure all of the shops have insurance and things to help them with theft but we need things for seven. That’s a lot of stuff to steal, especially when places are still recovering from the aftermath of the portal.

“They’re monitoring your accounts and assets, aren’t they?” Yukio says as he looks up.

Mephisto raises his tea cup in Yukio’s direction. “Correct. I do have cash hidden in the house if you absolutely need it, but I recommend petty theft. Hiding a house holding seven wanted criminals is easy. Withdrawing or moving large sums of money is not.”

Mephisto takes a final sip of his tea and snaps his fingers, causing the cup and tray of food to disappear. “If that’s all I’ll be taking my leave now.”

“Just one last thing.” Yukio’s voice sounds exhausted and moves so one hand is pinching the bridge of his nose as he stands up. “If you saw everything, why didn’t you intervene?”

“I don’t get involved in battles if I can help it, especially ones that have nothing to do with me.”

“But…but people died! Your campus, the city! It’s all in ruins! Don’t you care?!” Yukio’s voice is taking a slightly hysterical note and he’s starting to yell. I put a hand on his shoulder but he just pulls it away.

Mephisto’s eyes flash something wicked and his brows furrow. “Let me make something perfectly clear.” His voice is lower, deeper, more dangerous. “I haven’t lived this long by stretching my neck out. As much as I love chaos I’m not about to take action or mix the pot without calculating the risks. There’s a difference between letting a bull loose to observe from the stands and getting in the ring with the beast. You worry about yourselves, I know what I’m doing.” He leans forward, causing me and Yukio to lean back. “I have cards up my sleeve you don’t even know exist. The Grigori keep me around and let me run the school because frankly they have no choice. I stick around and cooperate because I get what I want. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer as they say. It works with both sides.”

Mephisto leans back, his playful smile returning and his eyes losing the dark shadow that had crossed them. I exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“That’s enough for now then. Tah!” He disappears in a puff of white smoke, leaving me and Yukio even more confused in the gravel drive.

 

* * *

 

An hour later everyone has cleaned up and have regrouped in the massive kitchen. It’s probably not the most sanitary place to be tending to wounds but nobody has any better ideas. Mephisto stayed true to his word and we emerged to find the counters overflowing with bags of clothes, the fridge and pantry full of food, another duffle full of medical supplies (including a pocket filled with medicine Yukio went through with a horrified look), several pairs of Yukio’s backup glasses, and an arsenal of weapons. I started digging through the pantry but was roughly pulled back and shoved into a kitchen chair by my brother. He had donned a new pair of glasses, gloves, and a glare that meant he was going to treat my injuries whether I liked it or not.

“So how do we decide who stays in what bedroom?” Izumo asks from her spot perched on the counter next to the sink. She’s refilling a glass of water she already drained once. I envy that she’s not being subjected to this kind of torture. How the hell did she even manage to get through everything without a single injury anyways?

“Um…actually I was hoping I could take the room by the gardens.” Sheimi’s voice is soft and hesitant. “It just really reminds me of home, especially with all the supplies stored there…If nobody minds that is.” She looks away and shuffles her sock clad feet. Mephisto had a bag of clothes specifically for Sheimi filled with everything from jeans to sweaters to underwear. None of us vocalized wondering how he knew what she needed and what size clothes she wore.

“I’m fine with that.” Shima mumbles tiredly. He’s nearly asleep at the table slouched against the hand of his uninjured arm. Yukio looked at his shoulder first and stitched the pieces together. He said the bullet went through his deltoid muscle and that’s why it’s so bad. Poor Shima sat through it all without complaint…though I’m sure the shot of whatever Yukio gave him helped. Still, I couldn’t watch. It just brought back the memories from my own ordeal with stitches. My side even twinged with phantom pain to remind me. His arm is in a proper sling now with clean white gauze covering the black thread in his shoulder.

Everyone else mumbles their lack of objection to Sheimi’s request soon after.

“Anyone _really_ want the Butler’s bedroom or to share with someone?” Izumo is going through a drawer now. Nobody responds to her question.

“Ok, well here’s how we’re going to deal with this.” She’s writing something down on what looks like Popsicle sticks. “We’ll each draw one of these which has the remaining bedrooms on them, that way it’s fair.” She scoops up the sticks and moves her hand so none of the writing is visible.

Yukio draws first since he’s moved on to Suguro’s side. “Master.” He puts the stick on the table and starts prodding the area around the wound. Suguro hisses but doesn’t move or complain. He’s in his sweat pants again but not wearing a shirt. I had to look away when he walked in. As worried as I am I can’t look at the damage again.

Izumo shoves her fist in my face before I can start to dwell. I draw my stick, “JJ2?”

“There’s another JJ2. That’s one set of the shared bathroom rooms.” Izumo explains.

“JJ1.” Konekomaru puts his stick next to mine and continues wrapping my arms. Yukio decided they weren’t as bad as they looked, especially since the bleeding had stopped. Fortunately he glued the wounds in my thigh and wrapped them before we came to the kitchen so I don’t have to worry about those being treated in front of everyone. Everything still stings like crazy but it’s manageable now.

“JJ1.” Shima mumbles before closing his eyes again.

“Master. Ouch! Jeez man!”

“Sorry.” Yukio leans back and puts tool he’d been using on the table. “I can’t tell much without an x-ray, like if it chipped your hip bone and we need to worry about bone fragments. The angle allowed it to miss your organs which is hard to believe. I would have thought it at least nicked your large intestines. You’re really lucky…” The way he trails off concerns me.

“So how long is this shit going to take to heal?”

“As long as you take it easy and don’t lift anything over 10 pounds, a few weeks? It definitely went through your external and internal oblique but I think your transvers muscle is fine.” Yukio gets up and digs through the duffle with all the meds.

“I’m willing to bet he disobeys your orders in two days.” I mumble to myself. Konekomaru is tying off the bandage around my shoulder though and hears. He tries to hold back a giggle but Suguro hears.

“What was that Okumura?!”

“I said that your stubborn ass won’t last two days with those orders!” I yell back.

“You wanna-“ Suguro gets cut off when a small orange bottle hits his head. “What the hell man?!”

“Take one pill in the morning and one at night. It’s an antibiotic.” Yukio fixes me with a glare from the kitchen island. “I am way too tired to deal with this, so stop trying to get a rise out of people Rin.”

“I’m not-!” Yukio holds up a much larger bottle and I get the message. I shut my mouth and slump down in my chair.

“Hey Yuki! Look at this!” Sheimi has opened one of the boxes in the formal dining room (seriously, who needs multiple dining rooms?) and is awkwardly trying to bring it to us. It must be really heavy with how she’s struggling. Finally she drops it by the island and pulls out a thick book. “These are all the books for Cram School!”

I lean over and sure enough the box is filled with text books, and not just the ones assigned for us this year. Advanced copies I recognize for later courses also sit in there.

“Hey that’s pretty cool!” Konekomaru pulls out a copy of the book for Grimoire Studies.

“What if we started classes again?” Sheimi says excitedly. She’s holding out the textbook to Yukio and I can now see that it’s an Advanced Demon Pharmacology book. “What do you say Yuki? You could teach us again!”

“Huh, I like that idea.” Izumo pipes up. “I didn’t get this far in training to quite now because of some stupid problems.”

“Uh…I’d say being a wanted criminal is a pretty good reason…” I respond.

Izumo rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Either way I’m in.”

“I’m game.”

“Count me in.”

“Same.”

I look around at everyone looking anxiously up at Yukio. His eyes are wide and brows are raised in surprise. He reaches out and takes the textbook from Sheimi. He looks down at the book and I see a slow, sad smile make its way across his face. I wonder if everyone understands what they just gave to my brother. I know being a teacher at True Cross was a huge part of his identity and he thought he lost it. I saw it back at the apartment we broke into, the lost expression he wore trying to figure out how to function with that part of him gone. I saw how much it hurt him and it hurt me to know there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t magically make him a teacher again at some huge elite school. This still isn’t it, but it’s something. It’s my brother getting that part of him back, being able to do something I know he loves. I know he isn’t dealing with all these changes well. I know he’s been hit with too many changes at once to be able to process things correctly. Suddenly he’s part demon like me. He’s lost his home, his job. He’s on the run with six other teenagers and a demon cat. He was part of a mass demon extinction project that resulted in a portal to Gehenna opening. He was the freaking Paladin! I look at my brother’s face and see that he’s slowly running his thumb over the spine of the book. I know this doesn’t fix anything, that he still has a lot to deal with and process, but this will help. This will give my brother hope that things will be ok, that not all is lost and he’s still Mr. Okumura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that Mephisto's opinions of the French are not the feelings of the author! I've actually been to France and adored the people I met. Also, if I got anything wrong with the "French Countryside" style of home, PLEASE let me know so I can fix it! I did my research but I doubt things are 100% accurate.
> 
> Thank you so much again guys! Until next time :D


	12. Repercussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a little bit early because my day is super busy tomorrow. We're finally moving onto another arc in the story and you guys have no idea how excited I am!!! FREAKING FINALLY I CAN WRITE THIS STUFF!!!

I block Izumo’s right hook with my forearm and pull my gut back to avoid her left punch to my stomach. She arcs the punch to the side when she realizes it won’t make contact and uses the momentum for a roundhouse kick to my side. I put my hand out and the heel of her shoe hits the center of my palm. I try to close my hand around it to pull her off balance but she pulls it back just enough to snap it at my wrist. It makes contact and there’s a muffled crack.

“Augh!” I cradle my wrist against my stomach. “Fucking ow Izumo!”

“What? Did I actually break something this time?!” She sounds way too excited about possibly breaking my wrist. She swipes some of her sweaty bangs out of the way as she leans in for a closer look. Izumo picked up fighting way too quickly. I know I agreed to teach everyone this stuff but now I dread her sessions. Her technique mainly consists of keeping her opponent on their toes using quick hits and movements with only a little power; wear them down and keep an eye out for openings. Our sparring lessons when we first started showed her strength was in speed so I worked with that. Halfway through week two I was leaving the sessions with bruises. Although it doesn’t help that I’m exhausted and my reflexes have dulled to probably an average human’s.

“Yeah I think we’re done for today.” I glare at her and start making my way back to the house. I don’t bother looking back to see what she does with her remaining time. We have another fifteen minutes before calling it a day but I don’t feel like pushing my luck with her. At least when Konekomaru hits me tomorrow it will be like a mosquito bite in comparison. I freeze at that thought and do some quick math. Shit, Suguro will be cleared to start his training with me the day after tomorrow. I groan and try not to imagine getting inevitably decked by him. His technique will end up being using his size to his advantage which means I’ll spend his sessions just trying to block his volley of punches and kicks. I can already feel bruises forming.

It’s been almost three weeks since we moved into this mansion and we’ve actually adjusted really well, at least in the senses of living here and living together. One of the things we did was we delegated chores on the first day to make things easier. Obviously I got cooking but Sheimi got assigned to helping me out. She really doesn’t know much about actual cooking but she can chop veggies, trim meats, and use a peeler. I’m used to cooking for seven but having someone do the prep helps a ton. Yukio and Shima took dishes and cleaning the kitchen after meals which is also really nice. That left Suguro, Izumo, and Konekomaru with general cleaning duties like vacuuming, sweeping, and dusting.

We unanimously agreed that everyone is responsible for their own laundry and bathrooms. That being said, all of us have gone to the girls at some point for advice on how to get blood out of various things. Between healing injuries, sparring, and learning other meisters there have been a lot sinks filled with bloody fabric and cold water.

Yukio made a schedule for all of us in regards to training. We start at 9 after breakfast with Yukio teaching in the formal dining room. After lunch we break up to work on our original meister skills. Suguro, Shima, and Konekomaru stay at the table and work on memorizing new scriptures and fatal versus while the rest of us go outside. Izumo and Sheimi summon their familiars, Yukio does some target practice but most of the time he goes through medical books while I…go off into the woods to make it seem like I’m practicing with the broad sword. I have to carry it with me but as soon as I’m far enough away from everyone I drop it. I still can’t stomach training with it, just carrying it into the woods is hard enough. I know the blood is long gone from it but I still feel like I can smell it, see it. I’ve tried washing it, putting dirt on it, but every time I look at the shiny blade the memory of the man who originally owned it being gutted by my claws comes screaming back to me. I know can’t run from it forever, but I will as long as I can.

After a few hours of individual training we regroup for our new meister practice or fighting skills. I was the one who pointed out we should work on hand-to-hand combat. No one said anything against it but I have a feeling it’s because everyone already knows why we should. It’s the same reason why Yukio’s lessons are so intense, why we’re throwing ourselves into perfecting our skills and learning new ones. We know a fight is inevitable, but we don’t know between who exactly.

A shiver makes its way down my spine and I shake my head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. I don’t want to think about that, I just need to get through today. Focus on the now, don’t think about what happened or will happen. It doesn’t really work, it never does and I heave a frustrated sigh.

We’ve only done one looting run so far. Yukio, Izumo, Kuro and I went four days ago and it took from sunrise to sunset. It would have been nice to have more help, but the only other uninjured ones would have been unable to keep up and we weren’t sure how much weight Kuro could carry.

Anyways, we managed to fill all seven of our bags before coming back. Winter gear, a ton of toiletries (except hair gel, sorry Suguro), and of course food. I never thought I’d look forward to committing petty theft but I’m anxious to cook with real food again. Not a lot of produce is still good and of course we can only use canned meat now. When parts of the city start opening back up we’ll be able to steal some fresh goods but who knows how long that’ll be.

Going into the grocery stores to get things was awful. There’s so much rotting food that opening the doors let out a nearly visible plume of decay. My eyes watered, my nose burned, it was awful. And we spent hours in these places! We tried to move as quickly as we could with cloths tied over our faces but it wasn’t enough. I had no idea what rotting onions smelled like before and I wish I still didn’t. At least the other stores weren’t that bad to get supplies. We found a pharmacy in decent condition and a sporting goods store that only suffered smoke damage.

I have to hand it to Izumo, she really has kicked ass with all of this. I mean, I knew she was tough before but now I’m almost terrified of her. It’s not just keeping me on my toes sparring with her or digging through a decimated city for food and hauling it back to the house by foot, but mental stuff too. No one’s really voiced concerns, fears, or lamented about what they’ve lost but it’s easy to catch things. I’ve seen Sheimi talking to Nii through sniffles during training sessions. I’ve seen Suguro hastily shove a worn family photo at his temple back into his pocket. Yukio still has his exorcist uniform hanging in his closet. It’s things like that, just little things that show not everyone is really ok. With Izumo, I haven’t seen any signs. She’s taken everything in stride… Actually I’m now starting to wonder if Izumo is 100% human.

I finally reach the double doors and kick my shoes onto the mat. Suguro insisted on the thing, no shoes in the house. God help whoever forgets his rule and tracks rotting leaves across the hardwood. I see Shima’s tennis shoes next to Yukio’s on the mat too they must be doing some more physical therapy instead of training today. I make my way to the kitchen and grab one of the ice packs for my wrist from the freezer.

“Kamiki kick your butt again?” Shima says with a laugh.

“She just got a cheap shot in.” I mumble back.

“Remind me, why are you teaching hand-to-hand combat again?” Yukio quips.

I turn and glare at the two of them. Yukio is gently rolling Shima’s shoulder with each rotation going further behind him at the kitchen table like they usually do.

“Because I’m the only one who has actual experience in this stuff! And maybe I’m just a really great teacher!” I hop up onto the counter with the ice pack.

“Rin, I’m the one who patched you up after all your fights. I know exactly how your fights went growing up.” Yukio has moved to massaging the joint with his thumb as he slowly pulls the joint upwards. He ignores my growl of frustration. “I really don’t know why you’re healing so slowly Shima, you haven’t been lifting anything right?”

“Of course not, I keep it in the sling like you told me. Must be something I do at night after I take it off for bed.” Shima looks over at me and winks, I roll my eyes in response. I really regret getting the pervert dirty magazines during the supply run.

“Man, you prepare food up there! Get your sweaty ass off the counter!”

“You’re such a goody-goody.” I slide off and look over at Suguro who’s now washing his hands in the sink. He took up dragoon training as his second meister, he must have just finished target practice. We still have all the official dragoon bullets we looted from the field, Mephisto brought us regular ones to practice with. Yukio taught everyone interested in a dragoon meister but after the first two weeks he hasn’t been needed. He still stops by the shooting range to check on everyone and test them but most of the time he slips off to god knows where.

Neither one of us has brought up our lack of training our flames or demon skills.

“What’s for dinner tonight? I’m starving!” Shima asks as Yukio puts his arm back in the sling.

“Ya haven’t even done anything today!”

Shima ignores him. He gets up and Yukio gestures for Suguro to take his place. He rolls his eyes but complies. He tugs his t-shirt up for Yukio to look at his side and I move to start going through the cabinets. I don’t know why but I haven’t been able to look at Suguro’s injury since the first day. Maybe it’s guilt. I know every time I look at Shima my stomach twists. It was just bad luck, a bullet managed to get through Sheimi and Nii’s web of vines, but if it’s because of me and Yukio they were even there.

“Kabocha something probably.” I say in response to Shima’s question. I pick up the couple of squashes trying to figure out how much I can make. There’s enough to roast for an entrée but I need to figure out something to go with it. I hear the sliding glass door open and close followed by footsteps and voices. I can tell it’s everyone else making their way back inside but Konekomaru is the only one who comes into the kitchen.

“Hey guys!” He rushes in and holds up the radio we’ve been listening to religiously. Someone has it at all times, even at night in hopes we catch any important information. So far the only useful thing we’ve gotten is that only coal tars are being found now. “I just heard on the radio that they’re opening back up a district the northern road leads to!”

“No way! I thought they were working on only the Eastern districts!” Shima exclaims.

“Those rich people must have complained enough they just gave in.” Suguro snarks. I catch him pulling his shirt back down from the corner of my eye.

“Probably, but who cares! That means REAL FOOD!!!” I can already picture having fresh meat, eggs, fruit. I can finally make gyudon, tonkatsu, maybe I can even get my hands on coconut and make-.

“RIN OKUMURA!”

Everyone freezes, Shima even drops the Pocky box he was trying to sneak out. My stomach drops and my heart rate picks up. I know I should run but I’m frozen in place still holding the squashes. Her booming footsteps are getting closer and I feel more than see everyone scoot away from me. Closer, closer, my hands are starting to shake and I’m breathing heavily.

“IT’S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO SHARE A BATHROOM WITH YOU! THE VERY LEAST YOU COULD DO IS KEEP YOUR WET TOWEL OFF THE FLOOR!!!”

She chucks the sodden cloth at my head and I nearly fall over. She storms off and slams her bedroom door which breaks the spell. Shima and Konekomaru lose it, Yukio chuckles, and Suguro suppresses a snicker.

“Kamiki is totally going to kill you during one of your training sessions!” Shima manages. I just groan underneath the towel.

 

* * *

 

I pull a pair of pajama bottoms on and fish my tail through the hole. Ok, done. I take a deep breath to try and calm down. My heart is already racing and I know doing anything else will just make it worse. In, out, deep breaths. I can do this, I can do this. I walk over to the light switch and pause. My heart is still beating quickly but not quite as frantic so I turn off the overhead light. The bedside lamp is still glowing but the corners of the room are now cloaked in shadow. I can do this, I can do this!

I can’t do this.

I turn the switch back on and slump against the door. I slowly slide down and pull my knees to my chest. This is so stupid! It’s just getting ready for bed, why am I freaking out about this? Things are getting worse…originally it was just when I was lying in bed about to fall asleep but now I start freaking out when I put on my pajamas! How pathetic. I groan and wrap my arms around my knees with my tail around my waist.

It started out with the nightmares which have been getting worse. It until a few days after we got settled in but that’s probably because things were still so chaotic around here as we adjusted. Most nights I basically keeled over and passed out before I even got under the covers. The first few nights with them weren’t awful, I just jolted awake in a panic in the early hours of the morning. They weren’t real nightmares either, just feelings and I at least got some sleep.

Then they slowly started to get more vivid and I started having problems during the day. Memories, being trapped in a body I can’t control, watching helplessly as I tear through people and enjoy it, these nightmares are getting stronger and now I fear just closing my eyes. Getting ready for bed alone starts the feelings of panic because that means I’ll try going to sleep and I’ll dream. I’m so tired I don’t even remember the last time I had a decent night’s sleep. Bruises have started forming under my eyes, my thinking is getting sluggish, and sparring sessions are just awful with my reflexes becoming nearly non-existent. Izumo wouldn’t have gotten that cheap shot to my wrist earlier I wasn’t so tired. I know the others have started to notice but I can’t tell them. I know they’re all fighting their own demons because of me and Yukio, I have no right to burden them with my own.

And it’s not just the effects of sleep deprivation during the day. The sword wasn’t too surprising, I was able to accept that. What I didn’t expect was not being able to look at blood without feeling a panic attack start. The first time it happened was everyone’s first time on the shooting range. Yukio had drilled us for day on taking apart guns, cleaning them, stances, and how to aim but then came the day to shoot them. Shima had stood next to me and fired a shot with his free arm at the colored paper targets Yukio made and immediately hissed in pain. His hand placement had been just a little high and the slide caught him. It wasn’t bad, just enough to draw blood but it was too much for me. I stared in frozen horror at the blood slowly welling up along the twin cuts until Suguro shook my shoulder asking if I was ok. I made up some bullshit excuse and took off. Since then I’ve avoided it at all costs. The saddest/most pathetic thing though? The stupid gas stove. I’ve cooked on one for years, it shouldn’t be an issue. Yet every time I light the thing I slam a pot or pan over it before I can see the blue flame. The same colored flame as mine and Yukio’s when our powers are active.

I heave a sigh and look up at the messy bed on the other side of the room. I can’t. This is so frustrating and exhausting in its own way. If it’s not the exhaustion from avoiding the things that trigger panic it’s trying to hide it all.

And to now get to this low of a point?

I can’t get into bed, I can’t close my eyes. I know I’ll have more nightmares and I don’t know how much more I can take of all of this. Last night my nightmare consisted of me tearing people apart with my bare hands, which is nothing new, but right before I jolted awake in a cold sweat and hyperventilating I heard a twisted voice. It didn’t come from anyone, it was like the words were echoing inside my own head. The voice was manic and nearly sickly sweet in tone but still a man’s. As I pulled my bloody hands apart in the gut of some faceless human, ripping them in two and laughing at their screams and gore, the voice cackled “ _That’s my boy. That’s my son. You’re every bit like me as you were destined to be. You don’t need me to using your body to wreak chaos like a sort of puppet. No, no, you can do it all on your own. I’m so proud of you.”_

I’m out the door and in front of another before I even realize what I’m doing. That voice, that horrible voice. I know who’s it was and it haunted me all day. My hand is raised to knock when I stop myself. I know exactly who’s door this is, I’ve been here and done this several time before. Every time though I stop myself just shy of knocking, stare at the heavy white barrier for a minute before going back to my room.

What am I doing? I have no right to be here, I have no right to ask for help. I know I need it, want it, but I’ve hurt enough people already. I sigh and drop my head against the door with a heavy thump. I can feel my tail curl between my legs like a scared dog. This is pathetic, this isn’t me. I’m not needy, I’m not someone who’s afraid to go to sleep. I love sleep! I let out a low groan in frustration.

The door whips open and I jump so far I hit the opposite wall.

“Okumura? What are you doing here?”

Suguro rubs the heel of his hand against one eye and leans against the door frame. His messy hair is held back by a thin black hairband, a pair of loose gray sweatpants are sitting low on his hips, and a white undershirt is a rumpled mess bunched up around his middle. I can see the puckered pink scar from his bullet wound over his hip bone that I’ve been avoiding and I crumble. I can’t do this. I don’t even know why I’m here! I feel my tail curl farther between my legs.

“It’s nothing, forget it.” I don’t even recognize my own voice it’s so broken. I turn to start walking down the hall back to my room, never looking back up at him.

“Hey! Wait, hold up man!” He suddenly sounds a lot more awake. “Just hold on!” He grabs my forearm to stop me. I don’t know why but I stop. He must take that as a sign to keep going since he knows I can easily get out of his grip.

“It’s not like I haven’t noticed things.” He’s says in a gentle tone. “You’re slowly turning into a zombie. What’s going on?”

Of course he’s noticed, Suguro notices everything. I heave a sigh and turn around to face him. All traces of having been asleep are gone. His brown eyes are bright but filled with concern. His brows are pinched and his mouth is pulled into a deep frown. His permanent glare isn’t there, he looks worried. He’s actually worried about me.

The last bit of panic from earlier leaves me and I feel so tired. I just want one night of dreamless sleep, I would give anything to have it. I suddenly remember how it felt sitting in Suguro’s lap back in the middle of the battlefield. I felt safe, like all the horrible things that happened melted away. I felt like he cared about me despite everything that had happened. In the middle of all the horrors of a previously unfathomable nightmare, Suguro made me feel like everything was going to be ok. I want that.

I take the two steps between us and wrap my arms around him. He stiffens and takes a quick breath in response. I wonder if I made a mistake doing this but he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me closer.

“What’s going on Rin?” He asks again in a softer voice.

I breathe in his scent and feel myself relaxing. My shoulders sag, my tail goes limp, my breathing evens out, it’s such a relief to feel like this alone. His scent is crisp, clean from his earlier shower but underneath that I can smell him. It’s musky, spicy, manly, with hints of things from his meister training that are now ingrained in him, part of him. Old books, ink, and now just a bit of gunpowder. I take another deep breath and savor it. He feels wonderful too. He’s warm, solid, I can feel the sharp lines of his muscles underneath the thin fabric of his shirt. I can even hear his steady heartbeat.

“Nightmares.” I mumble into his chest. “Panic attacks. Can’t touch the sword. Can’t practice my flames.” I feel the exhaustion more than ever and the panic starts to kick back in at full power. I can’t fall asleep, if I fall asleep the nightmares will come back. My breathing picks up and I squeeze Suguro tighter. It’s like a light switch where the moment I realized I was finally feeling ok it turned on and everything that had slowly drained away is back full force.

“Damn, I really should have listened to Shima with that PTSD stuff…”

I feel a shiver make its way down my spine and my breathing is now nearing hyperventilating. The exhaustion is completely gone and replaced with the earlier panic. Damnit!

“Hey hey!” Suguro pulls away a little bit and ducks down so we’re at eye level with each other. “Come on man, you’re ok. Breathe in, breathe out.” Suguro takes dramatic breathes to try and get me to match it. I try but I can’t do it. I shake my head and feel things getting worse. My vision is tunneling and I feel like everything is closing in. “Shit, shit! I really don’t know what I’m doing here!” He pulls me into the room and shuts the door behind us.

That really doesn’t help.

I try looking around the room, attempting to find something to distract me. Of course Suguro’s room is immaculate though and I can’t focus on anything. All his dirty clothes are piled into a hamper, his two pairs of shoes are lined up just inside the closet, an empty glass sits on the nightstand next to a book that’s lined up with the edges of the tabletop, even his bed sheets are even neatly folded over from when he got out to come to the door!

“Come ‘ere.” He holds onto my bicep and leads me to the bed. My hyperventilating isn’t getting better and I feel faint. He climbs onto the bed and scoots so he’s propped up against the headboard. He gestures for me to get up too and I shakily climb up onto the king sized bed. He pulls me into his lap as soon as both my knees are on the mattress. He puts his arms around me and I’m so close to him I can feel his chest rise and fall.

“Look, I really don’t know what I’m doing…Just, try breathing with me ok? You’ll be ok.” He starts rubbing his hand up and down my back. It feels ridiculously intimate and I’m sure that if I wasn’t in the middle of a panic attack part of me would be overthinking it. I feel his chest expand with an inhale and I try to match it. It’s unsteady and not nearly as deep but I keep trying. In, out, in, out. I take the breaths through my nose to inhale more of Suguro’s scent and it starts to work. I feel my breathing start to even out and my muscles start to relax again. In, out, in, out.

My thoughts are finally slowing down and clearing, no longer just blinding fear. The cold sweat still cloaks my body though and I start shivering. At least this time it’s genuinely because I’m cold. Suguro notices and pulls at the covers. They dislodge from being perfectly folded and tucked in at the foot of the bed. Part of me identifies that as being something out of character with Suguro’s near OCD but it goes away when the fabric is pulled over my shoulders. Suguro keeps rubbing his hand up and down my back.

“Why are you doing this?” I mumble into his neck. He shivers, I must have tickled him so I turn my face away.

“Because, dumbass, I care about you. I may not know what to do exactly but I’m not about to leave you to deal with this shit on your own.”

That makes me smile. Part of me is a little embarrassed but more than anything I’m relieved. I sought Suguro out for help and he didn’t push me away. I feel like he should have, he doesn’t owe me anything. Doesn’t he at the very least resent me a little for being the reason he’s in this position?

“I’m sorry.”

“What the hell do ya have to be sorry for?” He holds me a little closer and shakes his head. “Nevermind, you don’t have to answer that. I don’t know what’s going on in that thick head of yours but I know it’s not good. Ya don’t have to explain things but just know that…” I can feel his cheeks reddening. “If ya need anything I’ll do what I can to help. I’m crap at feelings and stuff but this seems to be working at least.”

I feel my tail give a lazy swish under the covers. More than anything I feel relieved that he isn’t drilling me for details. I’m not ready to explain things in depth, I’m not ready for him to try and fix things, right now I just want this.

In, out, in out. The world slips away and I feel peaceful for the first time in nearly a month.


	13. Rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry guys...I finally got a full time job but that means working 40 hours a week on top of full time grad school. I'm exhausted all the time but I swear I'm not done with this story. I won't be able to do the biweekly updates like before but I won't go too long between posts. I seriously can't even begin to thank you guys for all the attention this story has gotten. I know I've said it several times but it just blows me away every time. So thanks guys for everything :)

“And I say going into town and stealing right after the district opened is a surefire way to get us caught!”

“So what are we supposed to do, live off ramen!? We ran out of produce two days ago and I’ve been scrapping together meals with dehydrated or tinned meats!”

“Which is fine! We’re fugitives, not on freaking vacation!”

“Rin…” Yukio mumbles. Izumo and I look over at him at the end of the table. Unlike us, he’s still seated in his chair while ours have long since been abandoned in favor literally yelling in each other’s faces. He pinches the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up during his pause. I know he hates playing mediator but it’s sort of part of his unofficial role with our group. “Izumo has a point, it’s too risky to pull off. There’s going to be an enhanced police presence with all the reconstruction going on and exorcists everywhere to make sure demons aren’t lured by the humans coming back. Besides, how do you even plan on hauling all that food including things requiring refrigeration? It’ll take a whole day just to get back.”

I push my hands up through my hair and tug on the roots in frustration as I lean back and away from Izumo. “The nights have been right at freezing, that’s fine for any meat! And I’ll just haul it back on a cart or something! Worst case is Kuro helps!” At the mention of his name Kuro lets out chirrup and nods from my shoulder. I’m honestly surprised he’s still up there with how animated Izumo and I have been with our fight.

_I’ll help you Rin!_ He rubs his cheek against mine and flicks his tail. _I’ll help you even if these cowards won’t._

Yukio’s brows knit and his jaw clenches at that.

“It’s not cowardice, it’s being rational Kuro.” Yukio looks back at me ignoring the looks from our friends asking for translation. With how long we’ve been around each other and how much Kuro has been vocalizing both of us have gotten used to repeating what he says before answering out of courtesy. “I’m sorry Rin but the answer is no. We’ll make do with our supplies for a while longer before going out again and even then it’ll probably just another scavenging run in southern districts.”

I don’t even get a chance to groan before an unexpected voice pipes up.

“What about a surveillance run then?”

All pairs of eyes turn to Suguro who’s leaning against the wall to the kitchen. He’s the only one not seated at the table. I noticed him come in when Izumo and I started yelling but I wish he’d come closer. Since going to his room four nights ago I’ve found that just having him nearby has helped with things. He hasn’t done anything, but maybe he’s realized it helps? I’ve tried not get too hopeful since I still feel like he should push me away but I can’t ignore the feeling when I heard his footsteps the moment I raised my voice.

I manage to shake away that train of thought just as he starts talking again.

“Look, I agree that stealing is a bad idea but we have no idea what’s actually going on out there. The radio helps but they know we have it. The only reason we’re getting anything at all off it is because it’s their only method for long range communications with groups.” Suguro shifts his weight to the other foot and tightens his crossed arms. “At least if someone goes out there we’ll get a better idea.”

Is he getting anxious too? I know I’ve been itching to get out of here for days but I’ve been certain that everyone else has just been wanting to stay put, play it safe. I mean, as far as places to hide out in goes, this is paradise. We have a huge house on a lot of land. We get to continue our training and education. Hell, we even have a TV with a massive collection of shows, movies, and animes. It is a really great place to stay, but I’m just not one to stay put for so long…

“Better idea of what?” Izumo snaps. “What could possibly be worth risking getting thrown in jail for life or executed?” That last part is obviously directed at me and Yukio but she doesn’t look at us. She flops back into her chair, throws her feet onto the table, and glares over her sock-clad feet.

“How about some answers?!” Suguro returns her glare before looking at Yukio. “Ya said it yourself when we first got here, their motives don’t make total sense.”

“It doesn’t make sense that they sentenced a pregnant woman to be burned at the stake either. Clearly I don’t understand the inner workings of True Cross like I thought I did.” Yukio’s tone and expression remain neutral but his bitterness is clear as day. Heavy silence follows.

“A-Actually I’ve been thinking about that.”

Everyone whips their heads to look over at Konekomaru. He pulls his hand down like he had been raising it for permission to talk in class. His cheeks turn pink too as he hunches down, making himself even smalleraw.

“Ever since you told us what S-S-Satan showed you, and what happened with Ernst, I’ve been thinking…Some things just don’t really add up.” Suguro walks up to the table and I sit back down in my chair. Konekomaru fidgets under everyone’s undivided attention but continues. “Teacher, you said when Ernst took you to his facility, Exorcists were working there?”

“Yes, everyone working there was wearing the standard uniform.” Yukio confirms.

“W-well, that means Ernst’s research was funded by the Vatican. They may not have been fully aware of the extent of it, it’s happened before…” He trails off but everyone knows he’s referring to the research facility in Poland. Just thinking about that place makes my skin crawl and it makes me all the more grateful that Shura was the one to see it, not us.

“That means he was still employed and supported even after what happened.” Konkeomaru continues. “They didn’t punish him at all!” His voice gets stronger and he’s looking around at everyone. “That means that they may not have agreed with him, but they didn’t disagree with his call to execute Yuri Egin.”

“Okay, I get that, but what that has to do with now?” Shima asks. He’s been surprisingly quiet this whole time, I’d almost forgotten that he was here.

“Well I know we haven’t really talked about it so I don’t know how you guys see it, but I guess I see the call for execution as a show of power more than anything.”

Everyone’s quiet, not even Yukio speaks up. After several seconds Shima speaks up again.

“Ok I’ll bite, ‘show of power’ Koneko?”

“The Grigori were completely dethroned essentially by one man they employed. They funded his research and he used it against him. He turned exorcists that worked under him but were ultimately employed by them to his side.” Konekomaru explains. Yukio puts his head in his hands and elbows on the table.

“Ok, I’m still confused.” I admit. I stare at my brother even though he isn’t looking, I know he can sense it. Clearly he understands where all of this is going.

“That means this really has nothing to do with you two.” Izumo mumbles. “It’s just some stupid way for them to get people seeing them as supreme leaders again, follow them like dumb sheep in a flock as they did before.”

“Makes sense,” Suguro adds. He runs a hand through his hair and rubs the back of his neck. “Ernst is already dead so they can’t really do anything with him for punishment. They don’t even have a corpse to show. Only so much blame you can put on one dude who’s gone. Hell, he ultimately was their responsibility anyways being a high up member and all.”

“Yuki, they’re right.” Sheimi tentatively puts a hand on Yukio’s arm. “This isn-“ He pulls his arm away before getting up from the table. He doesn’t say a word, he just walks out of the room.

It’s all too familiar of a scene, a replay of our first night running. I look at everyone else and see that they’re all looking at Sheimi, waiting for an explanation. She blushes under their gaze but looks at me.

“You should probably go talk to him.” She says softly.

“Talk to him about what? What’s going on?” I’m genuinely confused, I have no idea what’s going with my brother or why he reacted like that.

Sheimi tilts her head a bit and gives me a look that’s equal parts confusion and surprise. “Have you guys not been talking about all this? About everything that happened?”

Now it’s my turn to blush. It’s not like we’ve been avoiding the subject with each other, more like we’ve been trying to move on and pretend everything is ok. I know that’s Yukio’s way of doing things, but I suppose it’s been easier for me to do that too. With how messed up everything has been inside my own head it’s just been another thing to bottle up and push away, to keep behind a wall because I’m afraid of what will happen the moment I actually start thinking about things. It’s not at all like me, I face problems and try to fix them, even if I don’t know how. But this? This is all just too much and I’m more concerned about everyone else. They’ve been dragged into all of this, they get priority over my own issues. My tail curls up between my legs and I worry my lip. We probably should have been talking this whole time.

“Are you freaking kidding me?!” I jump and Kuro leaps off my shoulders just before Suguro grabs it and spins me around. His expression is angry with his brows knitted and teeth grit. “You both are going through the same shit and you’re both clearly on the edge of mental breakdowns and you’re saying you two haven’t so much as TALKED?”

I don’t understand why Suguro is so upset about this. I know I’m just looking at him wide eyed like an idiot but I have no idea how to respond.

“None of us know jack shit about how help you guys, the least you could do is talk to each other!” The hand on my shoulder clinches a bit but not painfully and something flashes across his face before his expression gets angrier. “Is that why you came to my room in the middle of a freaking panic attack?! What is it, pride or some shit the reason you won’t talk to him?! I have no idea what to do with any of that, you shouldn’t be looking for help from me!”

There it is, there’s the rejection I had expected four nights ago. I can hear several gasps; most noticeably Sheimi’s but I ignore them. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. There’s a definite ache and all the air has left my lungs with growing feelings of embarrassment and shame. The only reason he hadn’t let me leave that night was probably because he felt like he had to help me. No surprise I guess, Suguro has always been a guy who needs to react to situations, good or bad way. He can’t let anything go, it’s just not in him.

I shove Suguro’s hand off my shoulder and go after my brother. It’s easy to avoid everyone’s looks since I don’t have to pass by anyone to get to the hall. I don’t know what expressions they’ll be wearing, but I know I don’t want to find out. Kuro doesn’t even follow me though I do hear a concerned meow before I turn the corner. I don’t even bother finding out what Sheimi already knows, I can’t stay in that room a moment longer.

I don’t even knock when I get to Yukio’s room. I just open the door and lean against it after I close it. I can push aside Suguro’s rejection for now because in the end, he really is right. Yukio and I should be helping each other even if we don’t really know how. I mean, there’s such things as talk and group therapy right? No real professional, just people with shared experiences working through things together. Maybe that’ll be enough for the two of us, it’s not like we have any other options anyways.

When I look around the room I see Yukio sitting on the floor by the double doors leading to the gardens with his knees pulled up. His arms are crossed on top with his cheek on them so he can look outside. A lone song bird is flitting about on a bare tree. I notice his glasses sit askew on his nose from his position and I briefly wonder if he can even see the bird.

“Go away Rin.” He mumbles softly. He doesn’t look up, he just continues to watch the brightly colored bird. Another lands on the tree and they squawk loudly at each other as they hop from branch to branch.

I walk over and sit against the opposite wall of him. It’s only the width of the doors away, this side goes in a little bit to form a sort of alcove before opening up for the rest of the room. I mirror his position with my knees pulled up but I ignore the birds. I know we’re not far away from each other, close enough that if we both extended our legs we would touch, but it feels like we’re miles apart. I haven’t felt like this since I got to True Cross and realized I didn’t really know my brother or the double life he was living. The realization that we’re further apart now when we’re the most similar leaves me feeling empty.

I take the moment of silence to examine my brother. He looks tired. The dark circles under his eyes are as dark as mine and his hair is messy instead of its usual controlled shaggy style. I instantly feel guilty for not having noticed that before now since clearly these things have been a steady change for weeks.

“You’ve been having nightmares too?” I figure it’s the best way to approach it with him, let him know I’m suffering and give him the option of saying he is too or address my problem.

The first song bird takes off and the second follows with even louder cries. Yukio heaves a heavy sigh and turns to look at me. The dark circles under his eyes are even more noticeable and blue eyes darker, heavier like rain clouds before a summer storm. I also notice that his hair is now long enough it covers the top of his ears. More specifically, the sharp points at the end. After that observation I look down searching for his tail. I don’t find it and remember that I didn’t see it when he turned to leave the dining room.

“You’re hiding them.” I conclude out loud before he responds to my question.

Yukio doesn’t even flinch, he just looks down at his feet poking out from under his jeans.

“You can’t pretend it isn’t part of you.”

That gets a reaction. He looks back up at me and glares. His body language has shifted from slumped and defeated to sharp lines and defensive like the flick of a switch.

“You’re one to talk. When’s the last time you trained? When’s the last time you practiced with the sword or your flames?”

I return the glare. Part of me knows he’s just trying to redirect and get me to drop the topic but responding to that is a like a knee-jerk reaction.

“At least I don’t hide who I am! I’m not still in denial and trying to pretend it didn’t happen!”

“That’s because it’s who you always were!” He yells. His hands tighten into fists. “You were always the demon, I was always the human! I was the normal one of the two of us!”

It takes a second for him to realize what he said but by then I’m already up and heading back to the door.

“Good to know that’s how you’ve always felt.” I throw over my shoulder.

“Rin wait! I didn’t-“

I yank the door open to everyone having been pressed up against the wood. Even Kuro who was on Izumo’s shoulder is scrambling back. I shove Shima out of the way to head to my own room. I don’t care that they heard, I don’t care what they think, this feeling is worse than Suguro’s rejection by far. Yukio is my brother, my family. I’ve always looked up to him and wanted to be like him. He’s smart, brave, everyone likes him and wants to be his friend, girls fall over themselves making treats and fight each other to try and win his heart. I’ve always been proud to have him as my brother. I’m proud of who he is and what he’s become in such a short amount of time.

But I guess he doesn’t feel anything like that for me.

I shouldn’t be surprised. I dropped out of middle school. I got into fights all the time and several of them resulted in people going to the hospital. I would ditch school in favor of just lazing about in a park. I couldn’t keep a job for more than a few days. I lost control and put my friends in danger. I’m not smart or strong. I’m just a demon like everyone said.

I shouldn’t be surprised he feels the way he does about me.

I reach my room and dig my backpack out from under my bed. Supply run, surveillance run, it doesn’t matter. I just need to get out of here, permission or not. I shove a few sets of clothing into it before pulling on my sneakers. Winter is coming fast now and I’d prefer warmer shoes but I can’t move as well in them. I yank a thick navy colored hoodie on and shove the compressible down jacket I got on our last run into my backpack along with a scarf, gloves, and a beanie before heading back out.

It only took a second to get everything but it seems like everyone has scattered. Yukio’s door is closed and nobody is in the hall. I make my way to the kitchen and grab some water bottles and food. My backpack still has a lot of room but I don’t bother with more, I just reach behind the fridge for the bag hidden against the wall. I count out enough for buying cheap meals for a few days before slipping the rest back where I got it. The money gets shoved into my front pocket since my wallet was lost god knows how long ago and I turn to leave.

“Hold on a second dumbass.” A hand grabs my backpack and holds me in place. “Let me grab some water and shit.”

What? I turn around just as Suguro let’s go and throws his backpack onto the kitchen island.

“Uh…” I stand there dumbly, just watching him shove water bottles and snacks into various pockets. He’s counting out money from Mephisto’s stash when I finally manage to get my brain and mouth to cooperate.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” He shoves the money into a pocket and slings the bag up onto his shoulders. “Come on, I want to get there before dark.” He brushes past me as he heads towards the front door. I follow after him without thinking.

We walk for nearly half an hour without talking. It must have been right around noon when we left so the sun is still high but thick clouds are rolling in. I swear each time a rouge one ahead of the masses crosses in front of it the temperature drops ten degrees. I have next to no knowledge on weather but I’m sure a cold front is coming in and I really hope it doesn’t bring our first snow. I find myself glaring at the puffs of white mist Suguro and I are exhaling as we walk briskly down the beat up road since I’m not liking our weather prospects.

Suguro doesn’t turn around or anything but I know he can hear me following close behind him. The stupid road has practically broken down into gravel in some place which causes me to stumble and generally just being loud. I’m kind of glad he doesn’t turn because I have no idea what to say to him or what my expression will betray. I still feel the bitter pains of rejection which only makes me more confused; why is he going with me? I didn’t expect him to or really anyone other than Kuro.

I keep mulling that over until Suguro exhales a heavy sigh, a huge plume of mist tumbling out with the cold air. He stops and looks up at the band of heavy gray clouds and I stop a few feet behind him.

“Sorry.”

“…eh?”

He whips around and looks me in the eye for only a second before turning his gaze to the ground. He shoves his bare fists into the front pockets of his black wool jacket.

“I’m sorry, ok? I…The shit I said before, I didn’t mean it like that.”

I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to hear some guilt-fed excuse, I know exactly why he said what he said. It’s fine, I’ll get over it eventually; just like when he told me we weren’t friends. I start walking again with my face downcast to focus on this god-awful road and not slipping.

“Forget it.” I mumble as I move past him.

“God damnit will you just stop!” He grabs my backpack for the second time that day halting my progress. I still don’t look at him but I can feel his doe brown eyes glaring holes into the back of my head. “I didn’t mean for what I said to be so…insensitive is what Shima said.” His voice gets softer, gentler. “It’s fine that you came to my room that night, I’m…” He gives an exasperated groan. “I’m glad I could help, ok? And I would like to help if it ever happens again…”

He mutters the last part and I don’t’ have to look to know he’s blushing. That didn’t sound anything like what I expected and I have to admit I’m a little bit uneasy about it. With Suguro I would have expected some kind of half-hearted apology with a jab at me needing to get myself sorted out followed by a shove or punch to the shoulder. Not a legitimate statement of regret and an offer to help in the future. I look over my shoulder and see him already staring. His perpetual scowl has melted away and a blush stains his cheeks all the way up to his ears. His silver piercings stand out in stark contrast against the flushed skin.

“So…uh, we cool man?” He looks away again but his hand is still holding onto my backpack. I swear I hear his grip get tighter on the material like he’s nervous I’m going to push him away or refuse his apology.

“Yeah we’re cool.” He didn’t even need to ask.

I hear him let out a breath before he starts moving. He goes a bit ahead of me but slows down once I start walking until we’re side by side.

“Good, now that that’s out of the way we’re booking it until we get to that stupid district. I am NOT going to be outside when those stupid clouds decide to dump snow on our asses.”

“Aw the snow too much to handle princess?” I snark back.

“Easy for you to say! You’re your own personal heat source with those damn flames! Us humans have to deal with the cold the old fashioned way!”

“By bitching about it?”

He shoves me but I don’t miss the ghost of a twitch on his lips. Just like that we’re back to our new normal, the tense air gone between us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how excited I am to finally have only these two characters and this arc to write :D


	14. Mercy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God writing is so therapeutic. I'm exhausted literally all the time but this is so worth staying up an extra hour to do :) Thanks so much guys, enjoy!!!

The road eventually merges onto a highway that’s in much better condition than the mostly abandoned country road about an hour later. It’s a huge relief to walk on stable solid ground and not have to watch where I’m stepping the entire time though now we’re more exposed. The trees disappear with the road leaving us out in the open. I admit the feeling is a bit unnerving and I find myself eyeing the expanse of mostly bare wood. Seriously, never would have thought I would find trees so important before all this.

We both turn north and keep walking in comfortable silence after a brief pause. I’d gone this way for our supply run weeks ago but we took the first turn off only a few minutes in. Everything looks pretty similar though. The road isn’t too bad being far enough outside the city here but a few more miles in is a different story. Some places are fine for the most part, just a thick coat of ash and some small debris. Others faired no different than the inner parts of the metropolis. Chunks of asphalt broken and standing several feet high and hiding huge craters between them, cement medians overturned with only rusty rebar connecting them, and surprisingly, a ton of weeds. They’re sprouting in almost every crack the road has, little tufts of green amongst a sea of gray. They’ll be gone soon with winter approaching so quickly but it’s still a pleasant surprise. Funny how fast nature reclaims its land, anxious to erase what man has made.

What isn’t a nice surprise are the remaining cars.

We’d passed a few fleeing the hospital and city the next day but they were ones left behind, forgotten in the mad rush to get out. These aren’t ones forgotten and left behind though, these are from people fleeing. There aren’t many, just a handful but they’re the results of accidents. Front ends are crushed liked soda cans, doors are bowed in, bright silver scratches run up and down sides, and airbags lie in deflated messes. It’s a sight but nothing too horrifying. A little blood on the airbags from noses hitting them too hard but that’s really it. Plus, there’s nobody in any of them.

But then we see a red sedan with its nose in one of the holes.

It isn’t that deep but it’s enough for the back wheels to be about my height off the ground. The trunk is unlatched and a crow is sitting on the edge picking through the contents. When we get closer it lets out a sharp cry and takes off in a frantic flurry of black feathers. I’m looking at a blue polo hanging out when Suguro moves between me and the car. He puts one hand over my eyes and the other on the back of my neck. His hands are huge and the one over my eyes covers my nose too.

“What the hell ar-“ I start to say as I stop walking. I move my hands to push his away.

“Trust me.” Suguro mumbles. I drop my hands. His tone is dark, heavy like he’s trying to convey more than those two words, begging me to trust him and not ask questions. I do trust him and I won’t ask, but I think I know why he’s doing this. He pushes gently with the hand sitting on my neck and shoulders and I start moving. It’s insanely awkward for both of us to walk like this but we make it work at a slow pace with occasional jerks to the side to avoid obstacles. At one point I hear Suguro take a short, sharp intake of breath and shudder before pushing a little harder to get me to move faster. I comply, I know for sure why he’s doing this now. I’m also grateful his meaty hand is covering my nose too. He keeps his hands in place far longer than I know is necessary but I don’t comment. When he does remove them I rub my eyes and glance over my shoulder. The car as only a red dot in the distance. I look up at Suguro and he just shakes his head before walking again.

Another hour and we reach reconstruction. There isn’t much, just things marked off with stacks of supplies and flashing lights but that’s when we opt to get off the road and make our way through the maze of buildings. It’s slower going, but it’d be impossible to explain to people what we’re doing all the way out here without being suspicious.

It isn’t long after that we start to hear noise, actual city noise. Half of me wants to race towards it and finally be back in a functioning city, back to familiar sights, sounds, smells. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it and how homesick I’d been feeling until now. It doesn’t matter that it’s not school or the church, a city is plenty. The other half of me though, wants to turn around and run back to the mansion in the middle of the woods. My heart wants it but my gut reminds me of what exactly is in the city and what will happen if I’m discovered. So instead of choosing either one I freeze in place. Thoughts and feelings war against each other and all I can do is stand there staring down this stupid alleyway. It’s not even anything special. I can’t see anything other than ash and debris, even in the street just outside it. But it’s there. I can hear it.

 Suguro has to notice but instead of doing or saying anything he just starts patting the ash from his clothing. I watch him try to clear as much of it as he can before he moves to the metal in his ears. One by one he pulls them out until he’s got a handful of silver studs and thick hoops. It feels almost wrong to see his ears naked; I can’t imagine how Suguro feels about it. He throws the metal into one of the pockets of his backpack and pulls a black beanie out from another. He yanks the thing on and it covers his hair as well as most of his ears.

He looks over at me once he slings the bag back over his shoulders. “Your turn,” He mutters gruffly.

Oh, right, gotta hide some things on my end too. I pull my hoodie up and unbuckle my belt.

“What the hell?!” I jump and look over at Suguro, my hands still holding the metal fastener and leather. He’s looking away and has his hands up like he’s trying to block my actions.

“Jeeze man I’m just pulling my tail in, what the hell do you think I’m doing?” I ignore his unintelligible response and unbutton my jeans to pull my tail through the hole. One sharp tug for the thick fluff at the end and the appendage is free. I pull my hoodie and shirt up like I had every morning so long ago. Hell, it’s been so long it takes me a second to will the furry thing to cooperate and wrap around me like it used to. It was once such a mindless task that the difficulty seems almost like it’s purposefully fighting me. Eventually it does comply (though after several swears) and the furry thing sits uncomfortably around my stomach and chest. I tug everything back into place, buckle my belt, and tug my own hat on. Like Suguro’s it only covers part of my ears but it covers the pointy parts.

Once everything is in place I look up at Suguro and see he’s fidgeting with one of his bare ears.

“So what’s the plan?” He jumps at my question like I broke some intense train of thought. He looks down the alley we’re in and then up at one of the buildings’ roofs.

“Well we can’t just walk into the area, I bet allies are blocked off or being guarded. Feel up to scaling a building and going roof to roof?”

“Well that’s a stupid thing to ask, I’m the one who can actually jump the gaps between the buildings.”

He glares at me before stomping off. I follow him across the street and down another alley. At the end of this one there’s a rusty fire escape attached to a building. Suguro goes up to it but the bottom rung is at least 10 feet above his head. “Give me a lift or something to reach this damn thing.”

Rude. I roll my eyes and jump up to help him. The whole thing is a mess looking more like a hazard than a safety measure but I guess it’s our only option. I get to the first landing easily enough but I have to kick, swear, and practically fall off the stupid thing before I finally get the latch to release and allow Suguro up. We reach the top without any other issues but upon reaching the edge the problem I mentioned early comes up.

“So what exactly was your plan from here?” I gesture towards the expanse between the two buildings that’s about a car’s width.

“Will you stop being such a smartass for 10 minutes?!”

“Nope!” I give him a wide grin but he just glares at me before looking back at the distance. He takes a couple of steps back, kneels into a crouch, and before I can stop him the idiot runs and freaking LAUNCHES HIMSELF off the building! I race to the edge and watch him land with a roll before jumping back up. The other building is a little bit lower but that still doesn’t help my blood pressure at what just happened.

“Ya coming or what?” He starts to saunter off along the roof.

Showoff. I jump to the other building with no effort and catch up to him. The jerk has a smirk on his face as he strolls along the cement surface.

The sun isn’t supposed to set for another hour but the thick clouds have brought the night in prematurely. I know the temperature has dropped even more now and on top of it I can smell snow coming. The air is crisp and heavy with the threat, there’s no denying it. Lights glow a little ways away. Towering apartments, street lights, restaurants, shops, all of them emit a soft yellow light like a beacon in the encroaching darkness. It’s kind of creepy honestly how everything around the district still sits in ruin. Buildings stand tall, intact windows reflect warm light, no debris, no ash, it’s such a weird contrast. The noise is louder up here but I still can’t pick out individual noises, just the constant garbled white noise that’s so achingly familiar.

This building is longer and by the time we reach the end there are only four more buildings between us and the edge of the newly opened district. I go to the side and look along the alley leading to it all. Sure enough, a police officer stands guard in front of a web of caution tape to ensure no one goes beyond the boundaries.

I’m watching the guy and debating options when I hear the noise. At first I think it’s a mistake, my ears playing tricks on me because I’m having difficulty focusing with having so much input for the first time in a month.

But then I hear a scream and know it’s real.

I race to the other side of the building and try to find the source in the labyrinth of concrete and glass. My eyes strain in the darkness below as I run along the edge looking, my heart racing, blood roaring through me. There! My stomach drops when I spot them. It’s a group of kids, probably four of them. They’re huddled against a dumpster so it’s hard to tell but I can see how small they are. I follow their line of site and I’m filled with dread.

A nefarious is stalking towards them.

Its twin heads resemble the shape of a dog’s skull but nothing more. No ears, fur, a nose, or even anything under the sickly colored flesh other than bone. The skin around it is pulled tight accentuating the lack of fat or muscle, the only breaks being the empty black hollows for its eyes and the seams. Several are ripped open and I’m fairly certain entrails are trailing behind it. One head whips up like it’s trying to sniff the air and I see skin is also missing where a lower jaw should be. A heavy tongue flops around with nothing to hold it in place, drool splattering across the gray ground. The rest of its body is almost reptilian in shape with elbows pointed up towards the sky and belly near the ground. The dark shadow behind it confirms my theory that this monster doesn’t have a tail but is in fact entrails. A human-like hand extends forward and the kids scramble back closer to the dumpster, only a few inches farther away from the monster. One kid’s elbow slams into it and the hollow metal sound echoes hauntingly down the maze.

I have one foot on the ledge about to push myself off when a hand wraps around my tail. How he managed to grab it through my clothes it is beyond me but the grip is there just past above my pants. Unlike a month ago when he tugged out of jest, this one is sharp and PAINFUL. He yanks me back and I start to cry out in pain when his other hand goes over my mouth. I’m really sick of him getting grabby.

“Rin, stop!” He hisses in my ear. I land against his chest with a heavy _thunk_. I squirm against him trying to break free but he adjusts his grip so his hand is wrapped around my tail at the base of my spine and not just through my hoodie. He pulls harder and I cry out again against his hand. The pain shoots up my spine like lightning, white and hot. His grip is tight and I can feel my fur caught in the creases of his palm. I whimper against his hand and he lets up just enough that the pain is more of a dull ache but the threat is still there.

“We have to stay hidden ya dumbass! Are ya wanting to get caught?!” He makes a frustrated noise. “I know ya want to help, but you _can’t_. Besides, what the hell are you even going to fight with, huh?! I don’t see a sword!”

…Shit. In my race to get out of the house I hadn’t grabbed the broad sword. Probably wouldn’t do much good though since I hadn’t really trained with it.

“Someone will come for them, they’ll have heard them like we did. There are guards and exorcists everywhere.”

I feel like that last part was mostly him trying assure himself but he’s right. I exhale sharply through my nose in defeat and look down at the kids. They probably came out here on a dare or something else just as stupid. My gut hurts as I watch them huddle in fear from the monster. One is sobbing audibly, their broken cries echoing off the cement walls. They don’t deserve this, it’s just one mistake. One stupid mistake. Every fiber of my being is screaming to help them, to jump down to their rescue. I don’t care that I don’t have a sword, I can distract that thing long enough for them to get away. Their lives are worth more than mine anyways. But I can’t, I have other people to protect. If they get me they’ll get everyone else at our little sanctuary in the woods. They don’t deserve this, nobody deserves any of this. Someone will come for them. Someone had to have heard them.

I close my eyes as so I only have to listen. I can hear their erratic breathing, the sobbing of one kid, one cries out for her mom. I hear the thing make a noise in its throat that resembles a growl and a small piece of rubble get kicked away by one of its bony hands. It has to be close to them, ready to pounce now. I can’t listen either. I move my hands from the one around my mouth to cover my ears.

Suguro is tense behind me, I can feel it with how much of his body is pushed up against mine. My entire back is flush against his torso and my ass is pressed against his thigh. I’ve never really felt small, especially with Konekomaru being in our group, but with Suguro curled up around me I can’t help but notice the height difference. His hands are still firmly in place but I can’t help but feel like he’s protecting me, looking out for me like he has the last few days. I mean, I know he is in the sense of keeping me from getting caught or doing something stupid. But this feels, I don’t know, different somehow.

The first pained shriek reaches my ears shattering that train of thought. It’s muffled through my hands, but no mistaking it. I whimper again but it’s a different kind of pain this time. I press further into Suguro trying to get away from it, to hide. He releases my tail and wraps it around my waist. I never thought Suguro to be the touchy-feely kind of guy but I guess hearing kids get ripped to shreds brings that out. His grip is tight and I feel him put his face into my shoulder.

Another pained scream with wails of terror. I can’t do this. I can’t stand here and not do anything. Every fiber of my being is screaming at me to jump down there. I’ve never not helped someone in danger, even for the littlest of things. I’ve always dived in headfirst without hesitation and without assessing the situation. That’s just who I am, I help, I don’t stand by, and I certainly don’t for something like this. A shudder runs through me and I feel Suguro squeeze me tighter.

_POW!_

My eyes snap open and I jerk forward. The head without a lower jaw lets out a pained noise and whips around to look down an alley I can’t see from this angle. The other head has one of the kid’s arms in its jaws. Blood covers his jacket and everyone else is holding onto him, trying to keep him back from the creature. Saliva drips for its mouth to the ground and has saturated the rest of the jacket sleeve not coated in red.

Another shot rings out and I see it go through the thing’s back hip. It doesn’t bleed, but a thick tar-like substance seeps out. This time the head holding the arm let’s go and cries out as well. The kids take the opportunity to pull their injured friend back against the dumpster and slightly away from the danger. With the kid clear shots fire rapidly. I hear a few miss and hit the cement walls but most hit the target. Holes begin dotting the creatures skin and more of the substance begins to seep out. It throws its head about as its body is jerked by each successful shot. The bullets do their job keeping it in place as an Aria reads the fatal verse. It only takes a second, but the nefarious begins thrashing more violently in the new pain before burning out to a harmless pile of ash. A few guys with big backpacks race out from the alley and approach the kids, clearly doctors.

Suguro and I watch the rest of it in silence. It’s nothing new, nothing we haven’t seen before or didn’t expect to see, but we still stand there transfixed. Some kids grab the men in tight hugs, the injured kid is stripped of his ruined jacket and sweater to assess his arm, questions are asked, it’s nothing special. And yet we stay rooted in place, eyes locked on the whole thing.

Standing there though, I start to notice a few things. Suguro’s arm is still around my waist and holding me against him for one. He had let go of my tail a while ago, he doesn’t need to hold me in place to prevent me from jumping off and doing something stupid anymore. So why is it around my waist? This hold is different. This is…intimate.

Even with his hand over my mouth.

I feel a blush make its way across my face and I hope that it can be mistaken as due to the cold. I also begin to notice exactly how close we are. Sure there are multiple layers of clothing between us but I can still feel his solid, angular body behind me. Nobody has really been physically affectionate with me, just my dad, brother, and within the last year and a half, Sheimi. The first two don’t count, their family. Their hugs have been nothing out of familial affection so I guess Sheimi is the closest thing I have to compare to. He doesn’t feel like Sheimi in any way though. Any of the times she touched me, hug or otherwise it felt different. Her body is soft, round, delicate. In my arms she felt like someone that needed to be protected. I guess that describes Sheimi pretty accurately. She’s a lot like the flowers she’s so fond of with that description. And though the flowers are beautiful, they are strong in their own way. They grow every year no matter what nature throws at them to bring beauty, color, and nurture everyone around them. That really is Sheimi. But what about Suguro? If Sheimi is a flower, what’s Suguro? He’s tough, strong, smart, nothing like a flower. And as much as I enjoy flowers, I’m realizing that I’m enjoying this too, perhaps even more so.

I start to relax against him, including letting my tail down. I feel it slip from under my shirt and let out a sigh of relief. I could feel a cramp starting from not being used to it being wrapped up like that in so long. I feel it brush against the concrete for only a second before wrapping around Suguro’s leg like it did before. Suguro puts his face into my shoulder again with a heavy exhale. His warm, moist breath washes over the parts of my neck not covered by my hoodie. Goosebumps erupt across my skin.

I want to say something. I don’t know what exactly, maybe just a thanks? I feel like I have to because this is starting to toe something I’m not familiar with. His hand is still over my mouth so I do the first thing I think of. It’s not the greatest idea in retrospect but hey, it does the job.

“UGH!” He yells in my ear. He yanks his hand away and furiously starts wiping it on his jeans.

“What the hell?! Jeeze the last time someone did that it was Shima and we were eight!”

I roll my eyes though I doubt he notices. His hand is still around my waist and that’s really the only reason I don’t snap back at him. I open my mouth to mutter my thanks when our attention gets dragged back to the alleyway below.

“Hey Marco! I didn’t know you got dragged out here!”

An exorcist taking samples of the former nefarious stands up quickly to shake the hand of another.

“Unfortunately…All non-essential personnel got shipped here weeks ago but my team just got back from a case in Malta. Seems like everyone is out here huh? I saw Ceilia earlier today.” His accent is thick, maybe Italian? Either way, if they called in exorcists from all over Asia and Europe to help control demons here this surveillance run is starting to seem like a terrible idea.

“Yeah, it’s been pretty hectic.” The first guy responds. “Though I’d much rather be down here doing samples than coal tar control or guarding the repair teams down below.”

I get the feeling we’re not about to learn anything useful from these guys once they start complaining about assignments. I break free of Suguro’s grasp and start to walk back to the other side of the roof. I’ll thank him later, right now I just want to get out of here. Chances are the security guard we saw earlier left his post so we should be able to get through no problem. Now I just need to find a fire escape or something for Suguro to get down. I’m looking along the edge when I realize he never followed me. I look back and see that he’s still in the spot though now he’s leaned against the edge and looking down.

“ _Suguro!_ ” I hiss. I want to get down and into the district before people start going back to their posts. This is a small window of opportunity and I have no intention of missing it. But instead of even acknowledging me, he just continues to watch. I groan and walk back to him. I swear if we miss this chance I am not carrying his ass to the ground because we have no other option. He can find his own way down, jump into a pile of garbage for all I care. I finally get close enough to hear them talking again and realize why Suguro stayed.

“-got stuck with that duty.” The Italian guy says. “Can’t say I envy him, he told me she keeps finding ways to summon those damn nagas.”

“Isn’t she in an isolation room now?”

“Let me put it this way, the last story I heard she bit her tongue and used that to make the symbol on her bed sheets and summoned them.”

“…Jesus…How the hell do you stop that?”

“Ever see that American horror movie Silence of the Lambs?”

There’s heavy silence before the first guy speaks again. “That traitor is fucking terrifying. Any word on what they’re going to do with her? I mean, they’ve had her for a month now.”

“No clue but since they’re keeping her alive it must mean something right?”

“Yeah I guess…Wanna grab a beer? I’m all done here and I could really use a few. This shit has been happening almost every night.” The two guys walk away leaving behind the rest of the people still analyzing the area, friendly banter echoing behind them.

Suguro finally looks away from the alley to me though his hands are still tightly gripping the edge. His doe brown eyes are wide and his brows are nearly hidden under his hat. He doesn’t have to say anything, I figured it out.

They were talking about Shura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody thought I'd forget about her right?! She's my favorite female character :D


	15. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how happy I was writing this :D
> 
> Also, on a random note not really relevant to the story, anyone else find themselves writing and having to remind themselves about dialect and colloquialisms? I mean, I'm from an area with A LOT of that and are specific to this area of the country so I'm constantly questioning myself if the phrases I'm using makes sense...seriously, it's hard to remember things like that until someone points them out. Like one time during my International Infectious Diseases class my professor brought up an armadillo. Well half of the class isn't even from the USA so we ended up spending a good 20 minutes going through American animals after scaring the crap out of 'em with pictures of said creature.
> 
> TL;DR, please call me out on phrases and references that don't make sense!
> 
> Thank you so much everyone for all your constant kind words, kudos, bookmarks, all of that! Every time I get a new one I get deliriously happy :)

We come to a mostly unspoken agreement to discuss Shura after we’re settled in for the night. It kills me to wait but I shut my mouth and keep going. This isn’t the right place, nor is it the right time.

We get into the district without any trouble. Whether the man guarding left to help or fled is up for debate but we don’t complain. We just saunter through the yellow web and continue on like we’re meant to be here, like we aren’t criminals.

We spot the first collection of posters on a grocery window a block down. There’s one for each of us taped side-by-side on the shiny new glass. Our school pictures dominate the papers in full color, the tops all reading “Wanted for Questioning” in big red kanji. Underneath the images are descriptions. They don’t just stick to the basics like age, height, and weight either. No, they include details like each piercing Suguro has, what Shima’s staff looks like, Sheimi’s tendency to wear kimonos, they even say Yukio and I have pointed ears. They identify the feature as a “genetic family trait” which earns a choked laugh. That’s one way of describing it. At least it answers the question on how much they’ve let the general public know.

What stands out the most to me though, is the additional sentence under mine and my brother’s descriptions in as big of font as the top; “Extremely dangerous, do not confront.” Seeing those words leaves a bitter taste in my mouth but I feel happy that Yukio isn’t here. I know he wouldn’t take that well, no matter what state he’s in.

Suguro pushes my shoulder to get me moving again before I have time to dwell on it, probably having noticed those additions too.

The streets are packed with large vehicles. Their motors groan loudly under the strain of their cargo which look to be mostly supplies for reconstruction. Utility vans, trucks filled with a mixture of power tools, and flatbeds hauling construction vehicles. Everything is caked in layers of gray ash with only hand prints along doors and lift gates exposing their original colors. The sickly yellow headlights and red tail lights are even muted under the muck. They’re probably constantly hauling equipment from place to place. Once one location is done with something it’s loaded up and shipped somewhere else. I can’t even begin to imagine all the work that needs to be done. I’ve passed through the areas needing reconstruction even a month after the event so clearly there’s still a lot to be done.

Unlike the streets though, the sidewalks are basically empty. Even with all the lights on (and additional ones I’ve noticed in side streets and alleyways), no one seems to want to venture out at night. It’s kind of earie in a similar way to the decimated areas we passed though. Everything looks back to normal but at the same time doesn’t. Nothing is destroyed, glass is intact, lights illuminate everything with a soft hum, but it still feels empty. Even all the traffic driving by is easy to mistake as lifeless with the grimy windows hiding the drivers and passengers.

“We need to figure out where we’re staying for the night.” Suguro mutters as he pauses at an intersection. I stop next to him and look up.

“Can’t we just do what we did last time and break into an abandoned apartment?”

“I’m not even going to explain why that’s a bad idea dumbass.” Suguro glares down at me before looking down the other streets. “I grabbed enough to stay at an inn for a few nights but that’s assuming they haven’t jacked the rates and they aren’t booked up.” He glances down the streets again before he heaves a groan and turns to go down the adjacent. I’m guessing he’s as familiar with this area as I am. “That’s also assuming they’re even open.”

That’s a fair point. We’ve passed by plenty of business that look open and back to normal but still bear “Closed for reconstruction” signs. I wonder how the people that have moved back are dealing with all of it. Is it really worth coming back only to find that you can’t get groceries? Or go back to work? It is a fair point but it still doesn’t work with my outlook on things.

“Well then, stop stressing about it, yeesh. Doesn’t do any good to worry until you know something for sure.” I catch another series of posters out of the corner of my eye but I turn to look up at Suguro. “If you’re constantly worried about the unknown you never get to relax.”

Suguro makes a noise like a dismissive snort. “Why am I not surprised that’s your way of looking at things? And for the record, I think ya don’t worry enough about the future.”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”

We continue for another several blocks when we finally come across an inn. It doesn’t have any signs out but the exterior lights are on and I can see lights are on inside beyond the frosted glass. It’s as good of a sign as any at this point. Suguro tugs his hat tighter over his hair and scrapes a few rogue ones that have slipped out back under. He fingers his bare ears again with a heavy sigh before looking at me.

“Your eyes are too blue to be natural but I guess if ya don’t smile we’ll be fine.”

Was that a compliment? It sounded like a compliment. I stand there like an idiot until Suguro grabs the sleeve of my hoodie and yanks me through the door he’s holding open.

Everything looks brand new which isn’t surprising. The wood floors and paneling all gleam with fresh lacquer, the entry matt still curls in on itself on the edges, and the doors still have plastic on the handles. Everything smells horribly new too, like paint, packing materials, and alcohol but some kind of incense is burning to try and cover it up. The inn isn’t big, especially for being in city limits. Probably something that caters to the bed and breakfast style. The lobby area is long and narrow with one opening on either side. To the left looks like a dining area but all the furniture is piled up to one side of the room. Which is much more put together than the room to the right, it’s stacked full of boxes around the perimeter and even more in the middle.

“You two aren’t here for a room are you?” A high pitched voice asks.

I look at the far end of the lobby and see a kid perched on the desk. She looks to be about 8 years old, her messy black hair is pulled up into a pony tail and she’s wearing a grubby shirt that fits her like a dress. Various colors of paint streak across it, clearly from having wiped her hands on it and I’m pretty sure she’s got a piece of tape stuck to her side. She’s holding a handheld game and looking at us skepticism, like her parents shooed her to watch the front despite no expectations of customers.

“Actually, we are kid.” Suguro walks up to her, dragging me behind him by my sleeve. “Ya got any available?”

She quirks an eyebrow and I’m reminded of Izumo. I also notice that there isn’t even a chair behind the desk which explains why she’s on the counter. “Why do you even need a room?”

“We live just outside the boundaries of this district and I swear I’m going to lose it if I have to spend another second with his parents waiting for our place to reopen.”

Wait, what? First of all, I hadn’t thought so far ahead as to come up with an excuse for why we needed a room. I briefly acknowledge that Suguro may have a point with what he said earlier but then my brain catches up to what he implied. I’m pretty sure I’m gaping at him like a fish.

The little girl’s skeptical expression melts but she rolls her eyes. “Whatever. There are people in rooms 1 and 2 waiting for their places to be done too.” She puts down her game and twists around to grab a book on the adjacent desk against the wall. She takes her time flipping through the pages but I’m still looking up at Suguro. I can see a blush slowly stain his cheeks and creep up to his ears.

The little girl makes a triumphant noise and puts the book down in front of her. “Fill out the stuff here. The computer still doesn’t work so we have to do it this way. That’s why my parents let me stay up here. It’s 10,000 yen a night, cash only.”

Suguro fills it out and hands the kid the money. She doesn’t even count it, just shoves it into a box with other handfuls of yen. She reaches above it and pulls a key with a tag reading #4 down from a board. Like she had mentioned, rooms 1 and 2 are missing keys but 12 others still hang neatly on their hooks.

“The room is down there” She extends the hand holding the key to Suguro and points behind her with the other. The hall is just past the desk and goes behind the room full of boxes before the wall bearing an elevator and set of stairs. “The rooms down here are all done but upstairs isn’t. Phones and wifi still don’t work.” The last part is angrily grumbled as she picks up her game. “Check out is at two or pay for another night. Same deal, cash only…please.”

“Thanks kid.”

The girl gives a lazy wave and the game starts making noise. That was way too easy.

Suguro still doesn’t look at me, he just turns and makes his way towards the room with me trailing behind him. I’m not usually one for being at a loss of words. It comes with my need to never leave things unspoken and fix problems right away so this something foreign to me. Do I say something? Sure the story worked and the kid didn’t ask any questions, but it’s still weird! Couldn’t he have said something else? How long had he been thinking of that excuse? He implied we were a couple! It’s weird!

“Ya think any harder and you’ll have an aneurism.” He doesn’t look at me when he says it, he just opens the door.

The room isn’t anything spectacular nor is it decorated. The door to the right is open exposing a bathroom with those gray tiles that look like wood. The walls are painted a soft green with a mirror dominating one wall over a white countertop. The shower is tucked into the corner with a glass side and door with a slightly raised bamboo floor and bench. It looks really inviting and I suddenly feel the sweat and ash on my skin. The rest of the room consists of a queen sized bed, two chairs with a table between them, and a long dark colored built-in that looks like it’s supposed to house a mini fridge, TV, and microwave but none are there beyond empty outlets and neatly capped wires. I guess it would be nice but the lack of those and artwork makes it feel kind of off.

Suguro has put his backpack in one of the chairs and is finally looking at me. His arms are crossed, scowl back in place. “I was kidding but now I’m actually getting concerned.”

I still don’t have a proper response so I just glare and turn into the bathroom, closing the door more forcefully than necessary. How can he be so...blasé (thank you Yukio and your annoyingly huge vocabulary for that word)? Did he expect me not to react to that explanation? He never even told me what he was going to say! I let out a frustrated groan. Maybe I’m getting too worked up over this and over thinking things. Why am I even getting worked up about this anyways?

A shower. Right now all I want is a nice hot shower to wash the filth off of me from walking all day through ash and relax. I strip down quickly, chucking the layers of clothing into a pile. I’m grateful the floor is gray because I’m fairly certain the dirt on my clothes would leave an obvious mess on any other color. I step onto the bamboo and notice little bottles line the built in shelf. No TV but they have their complementary shampoo. I’m not even going to complain about that because I didn’t grab that stuff this morning either. Good thing Suguro isn’t here to berate me about that too.

The water is blessedly hot right away. A moan escapes the moment it touches my skin and I feel the residue of sweat and grime trail down my body. I can feel the steam curl off my skin, fog the glass, and swirl around me, temporarily shutting out the world. It’s not like the shower is really special compared to the one at Mephisto’s house, just appreciated more after today. I take several minutes to just stand there under the stream to let my muscles slowly loosen up, my body relax. I dunk my head under the stream and my hair covers my eyes. One thing nobody has mentioned is haircuts. We should probably figure that out because now even Shima has to use a headband. What’s even stranger is seeing his black roots and I know it bothers him. I make a mental note to buy hair dye for him.

I slick my hair back and get to washing, I’ve spent enough time just standing there.

I scrub shampoo into my hair before pouring more onto my hands for my tail. Ash had thoroughly embedded itself in the fur and I spend far more time scrubbing the longer fluff at the end than I did with my hair.

It’s not until I’m running the soap over my skin that I start to really think again. My right hand is covered in suds and I decide to try it. It’s been a few days, maybe things have changed? I stare at my soap slicked digits and hope that it’s different this time. I trail a few fingers down my stomach. Nothing. I ghost the tips along the inside of my thighs. Nothing. I grab the base of my tail and massage the junction between it and my back with my thumb. Nothing. I think back to the night I discovered what that feeling did, how I felt euphoric for hours and hours. My toes curled nearly the whole time, sweat running down my skin, the constant heat between my legs, the spring getting tighter until it eventually snapped into orgasmic bliss only to start up again the second my senses started to return. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I can feel my face getting red out of embarrassment and anger. I’m nearly 17 years old, I should NOT be having this kind of problem with my body!

I realize I’m squeezing the soap and slam it back on the shelf, the edges now shaped around my fingers.

I didn’t’ notice until a few weeks ago, something that shocked me at the time. How could I have not realized it? It’s something I did regularly, whether it be after a particularly satisfying dream I wanted to make somewhat true, out of boredom when Yukio was gone, in the shower to relieve stress, or on the rare times I pulled something up on my phone. I never thought much of it before, it was just something I did, something I knew everyone did. Being a teenager it kinda came with the territory anyways. The moment I’d discovered it years ago I felt like a whole new world was revealed to me, something I spent hours upon hours exploring. And when I got my powers, I discovered a new level of pleasure, a new world to explore and I dove in without a second’s hesitation.

Now though, now I can’t even bring my body to acknowledge it.

I brace my arms against the wall and lean into them, the water pounding against my back. It’s not necessarily that I WANT to right now so much as it’s being denied the ability to IF I wanted to. I’m sure that even if by some miracle my anatomy decided to cooperate I wouldn’t do anything but I still want to at least be ABLE to.

I blindly grope around for the handle to shut the water off. Who knows how much hot water there is and I’m not that big of a jerk to use it all. Maybe just most of it. Besides, I’ve spent enough time wallowing in self-loathing.

I towel off and throw on pajama pants before finally leaving the bathroom. Suguro looks like he hasn’t even moved. He’s still standing there with his arms crossed, backpack sitting in the chair next to him. He’s glaring at me but he quirks an eyebrow like he’s silently asking if I’m ok. I maturely toss my backpack to the ground and sit down in the unoccupied chair to ignore him. After a second of staring he grabs his bag to shower as well, clearly getting the message that I’m not going to talk to him.

After I hear the door click shut I pull my knees to my chest. This day has been too long and too much has happened.

Shura…God she’s been in the hands of the Vatican for over a month now. Those things the exorcists said from before give me hope for how she’s doing but the conditions they described? I’m amazed she’s still trying. Amazed, but not surprised I guess. It would take a lot to break Shura. Why has she been fighting so hard to send the nagas though? Surely she can’t be trying to escape, one of those things would do the job easily. What else could she possibly be trying to do?

I shake my head furiously. I’m not smart enough to figure that out, that’s a job for Yukio and Suguro.

I think back to the kids and feel the hollow ache from standing their helpless. I know things worked out in the end but I still can’t help feeling guilty. I could have prevented that kid from getting hurt at all! But Suguro was right (again). If I had done anything I would have been caught and then everyone would have. I would be the reason five people, who have done nothing wrong but protect me and Yukio, would end up and jail. I would be the reason for my brother’s execution.

I shiver at the thought. It’s easy to ignore the metaphorical noose around my neck but not so much for him. Yukio has always tried to be better, be stronger, be braver. His only mistake was trusting the wrong person because he made promises about saving ME. Not him, but me. The idiot…

Yukio. I have no idea how to help him, especially when I’m just as messed up. The only thing I have going for me is that I’m not hiding what I am from myself. What could he be feeling to cause him to do that? Is it shame? Is it fear? I know I never wanted any of this but I don’t recall once going so far as to doing that. He blurted out how he was scared in the crater back when we confronted Dr Thompson and his lackies, so maybe that’s something?

Memories from that night hit me like a freight train. All the blood, gore, bodies in pieces by our hands. Their screams of pain, the smells of gunpowder and metallic tang of bloodshed, the warmth of my flames, and worst of all, how I felt. The feelings of enjoying killing all those people instantly turns into a war with the guilt, shame, fear, and self-hatred. I squeeze my eyes shut and put my hands over my ears. I can hear the screaming now, I can hear myself laughing at their pain. I feel nausea bubble up and any hunger from a meager lunch and no dinner disappears. Things start to overlap in my mind as everything starts to tumble out of control. It’s overwhelming, I can’t stop it. I can’t-

“RIN!”

Strong hands rip mine away from my ears. My eyes snap open to see Suguro kneeling in front of me. His hair is hardly toweled off. It’s just a mess of brown and blond with drips clinging to the ends. His piercings are all back in though mostly hidden by his wet locks. He’s shirtless too but what I notice most of all his expression. It’s the same one I saw in the crater before he was forced move away, the same one when I came to his door in the middle of the night.

He cups my face gently, like I’m made of glass.

“Rin, come on man you’re ok. Breathe.”

It’s only then that I realize I’m having another damn panic attack. My breathing is shaky, hurried like I can’t get air into my lungs causing tunnel vision. I grab onto Suguro’s wrists like a lifeline, keeping them in place. I try, I really try to follow his exaggerated breathing but like last time my body isn’t willing to cooperate. I manage to shake my head, a staccato breathe punctuating what I can’t vocalize.

“It’s alright, come ’ere.” He bumps my still raised knees with his arms telling me to put them down. Slowly I do but the muscles ache. I have no idea how long I was curled up like that or how tight till then. He pulls me into a hug, hands pulling me to him before he wraps them around my waist. I instantly feel a little better but I’m still not breathing normally and my heart is still racing. He moves again to guide me off the chair and to my feet before pulling me to the bed. It’s like a repeat of last time, being pulled into his lap and arms, comforting words being whispered into my ear.

“You’re ok Rin, just breath.” He runs his hand up and down my bare back, forcing my body to relax. “In,” he takes a deep breath that pushes against my belly. “And out,” he slowly exhales, the breath tickling my ear.

It takes a few minutes but things finally start to calm down. My mind stops racing, my breathing evens out, my heart no longer feels like it’s going to burst from my chest, and my muscles relax until I’m practically mush against him. It can’t be comfortable for him, having held me like this for so long doing exaggerated breathing but he never stopped. He just kept going and saying comforting things to me. I heave a shaky sigh which causes him to pause.

“Better?” I manage to nod, exhaustion taking hold. “Alright, let’s call it a night.” He starts to pull away from me but I grab ahold of him, keeping him firmly in place. “Rin it’s ok, I’m just turning out the lights and pulling the sheets out, I’ll be right back.” I’m seriously hating being so needy and afraid. I scoot back off him but avoid eye contact.

After a second I feel him tap my tail.

“This too, I can’t feel my toes.”

I just reach behind me and pull my tail off his leg. I don’t even remember wrapping it around his thigh.

This is all so awkward. The first and last time this happened I had passed out on his shoulder. I don’t remember the lights being turned off, or Suguro moving me, or him falling asleep. I just remember feeling exhausted and the next thing I know I woke up in his empty bed. We didn’t talk about it after either which made things easier but this time is different. This is the second time he’s done this and I’m still awake.

The light turns off with a sharp click. The room is dark but light still bleeds through the curtains from the streets. I still don’t look up, not until I feel the sheets get sharply tugged out from under my legs and the dip of the mattress when Suguro crawls in. Even then though I don’t look at him. I stay sitting on the bed, facing the headboard, avoiding him like a child. I have no idea what to say, what to do.

Fortunately he does.

“Oh for the love of…” He cuts himself off by grabbing my arm and pulling me none too gently to the bed. I bounce a little but end up on my side with my back to him. Suguro grabs my waist and pulls me so I’m flush against him. His stomach and chest are pressed against my back, his legs follow mine, and his face is pressed into the back of my neck. He tugs the blankets over us and wraps an arm around my waist again, pulling me even closer to him.

I want to protest. I want to tell him I’m fine, to push him away and not rely on him but I can’t. I can feel his even breathing against me which is easy to follow. I can feel his strong arm around me making me feel safe. I scoot closer to him (if possible) which makes him give my waist a gentle squeeze.

“You’re all right. I promise I’ll wake ya up if you have a nightmare and I’m here if you need me.” He whispers. I can feel his lips brush against the sensitive skin on the back of my neck and I shiver involuntarily.

I didn’t say it the first night or on the roof just hours ago. It’s long overdue for both those times but I manage to get my voice to cooperate this time.

“Th-thanks, Suguro…” Mostly cooperate, I bite my tongue for having stuttered.

He tenses behind me, like he hadn’t expected me to say anything, but even more surprising is what he says next:  “Ryuji.”

It’s soft, like he’s almost embarrassed to say it. But I understand, and I understand the meaning behind it. A small smile manages to make its way across my lips before I say in a more confident sounding voice “Thank you, Ryuji.”

I feel the sigh brush across me and his nose nuzzle into my hair. We both drift off and I sleep better than I have in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure all of you have read enough fanfiction to know how the next chapter will start, don't act surprised! :P


	16. Repayment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I really don't have an excuse after my last final May 16th. At least before then school was killing me. Seriously, I was awake for 4 days straight at one point. A professor gave us a week to do a take home exam which just happened to mean it was due the same day some of us turned in our research papers and did the 30 minute presentations on them for that same class (everyone did this, we were just the unlucky 5 to have that stuff due that week). On top of working full time...it wasn't easy. I have never consumed so much caffeine in my life...at least it was worth it, I got an A I the class. Beyond that, like I said, I don't really have an excuse. I took a week to try and get my circadian rhythm back to normal but after that I guess I just kinda lost my mojo with writing. Every time I sat down nothing really happened and if something did I ended up deleting it. I'm really sorry guys, this wasn't fair to y'all. I hope this chapter and the next makes up for it. Thank you to all of you that are still reading this.
> 
> P.S. To those of you who live in or have friends and family in England, my heart goes out to you guys. So much has happened there these last few months and I can't find the words to express how I feel. I hope none of you have first hand experience with anything that's happened...

I don’t even have to open my eyes to know it’s still early. The world is dark beyond my closed lids but I take in what I can, trying to figure out what woke me up. I’ve never been a morning person though so it’s not easy in my groggy state. My thoughts are fuzzy, just slightly coherent but I know something woke me up. It’s not a threat, just something…off. I scoot slightly, my arm numb from being pinned under me, when I realize the position I’m in.

And I’m the damn little spoon…

Why the hell am I the little spoon?! A frenzy of half formed thoughts start buzzing in my sleep addled mind. Everything from how I fell asleep like this to begin with (which I quash as being completely different from waking up like this), to being more upset about being the little spoon than cuddling in general. The thoughts are fleeting though and nothing more so I let it go. Too much energy to chase after them. We apparently slept in that position all night which is weird for me considering most morning I wake up tangled in my bedding to the point half of my waking up process is just getting out of it. That being said, some things did change during the night. For one, his leg made its way between both of mine and my tail curled around his thigh. One arm of his is still around my waist but the other is now under my pillow. I can feel his deep, even breaths against my neck, tickling me slightly in tune with the rise and fall of his chest. I’ve never slept so closely, so intimately with someone before. I mean, I’ve shared a bed with my brother and dad but it’s nothing like this. It’s actually…really nice. I’m warm, comfortable, I feel safe, I feel…like I’m being poked.

I shuffle again and oh, that is not FAIR! Especially after my personal battle in the shower last night!

Sure enough though, I can feel it pressing against me, against my ass specifically. My face reddens and I’m immediately wide awake, all traces of grogginess gone. Not cool, not cool! The hell do I do about this?! Do I just try to go back to sleep? Do I make him roll over? Do I wake him up? What about in the morning? Do I bring it up or pretend it never happened?

Instead of doing any of those things I do what makes the least amount of sense.

If anyone were to ask me why I did it I would say it was out of pure selfishness, that I was jealous because my body wasn’t in the same state, a state I woke up to a majority of mornings. If they were to push me, realizing that was a total lie, I would say it was out of curiosity, that I’d never been in a situation like that before and was curious. Human nature, right? I wanted to know what would happen, what it felt like.

Honestly, I don’t know why I do it, but it’s is worth it.

I grind down on him making his hardened length press deeper into my pajama pants. Even between the layers of fabric I can feel the most sensitive parts of him against me. I even feel it against my tail which causes the fine hairs to stand on end.

His reaction though, is the best.

Ryuji moans loudly behind me, deep and primitive in the back of his throat. His face burrows deep into my neck and shoulders, pushing his lips and the scruff on his face against my bare skin. His arm tightens around my waist. His leg grinds up between mine even higher and rubs the parts of my body no one else has touched. It’s the most erotic thing I’ve ever experienced.

Yet it does absolutely nothing for my anatomy.

I scrub my eyes, pull at my hair, groan, and kick my feet. This is beyond frustrating! It’s the same as last night…It’s not that I WANT to be aroused, it’s that I CAN’T! …Right? This is strictly me being frustrated at my body refusing to act normally. Nothing else. I don’t want to be attracted to Ryuji in that way, I don’t want to fight an awkward boner around him. I don’t-

“S’op squirmin’ Rin.” The words are mumbled against my skin causing me to freeze immediately. I hadn’t realized I’d been moving around so much I’d woken him up.

Shit, shit, shit! What do I do now?! Should I play it cool? Should I fake sleeping? Should I pretend nothing happened?

My thoughts stop short when I hear soft snoring resuming behind me. Of course that asshole is still asleep, he would mutter stuff while unconscious with the sole purpose of scaring me. I huff and pull out of his grip more roughly out of spite. I know it’s still an ungodly hour, early enough that even he hasn’t woken up, but there’s no way I can fall back asleep now. Suguro seems completely undisturbed by me leaving his grip anyways. He pulls my pillow down using the arm under it and holds it tight to his chest. Part of me wishes I had my phone to take a picture, another part of me wants to tug the pillow away. To be honest though, I don’t really understand the second one. At least with the first it’ll make for good blackmail material. Between the cuddling, the mess of two tone hair that’s now almost covering his entire face, and the lack of his permanent scowl he looks less like a punk and more like a regular human being. Actually more like a sheepdog with that bed head of his.

I end up not doing anything and just get out from under the covers.

The room is freezing and I don’t have to look out the window to know the world beyond is cloaked in a thick blanket of snow. Even without sunlight I can see the unmistakable glow behind the closed curtains. Well that’ll make this fun…I don’t even know what exactly we’re doing but I’m sure the snow won’t help.

My stomach makes an audible grumble, reminding me how little I ate yesterday and leaving me ravenous now. Might as well go hunt down some breakfast.

I manage to stumble into clean clothes, hide my tail, and yank on my beanie with minimal cursing and only nearly falling once. The routine of blindly (and slightly scrambling) to get ready brings back memories from early on at True Cross. True, most of the time I had overslept and was racing out of the dorm still pulling clothes on, but they still come back to me. Part of me actually misses things back then. Everything seemed easier, even if I was hiding an enormous secret and part of my identity. Back then I wasn’t anyone different; I didn’t get any special treatment, I was just a high school student by day and Cram student by night like my six other classmates. I miss the simplicity, especially now with everything that’s going on. Never thought there’d be a day where I missed homework and sitting through boring lectures.

I close the door and yank my shoes on, not bothering with the laces. What are the chances this place has breakfast or at least something for me to swipe?

I make my way down the hall and into the main lobby. Light pours in from the street lights through the glass front door but otherwise everything is dark. Several inches of snow fell last night with more still falling. It’s quiet out there too, though I guess that’s not surprising considering the sun is just now starting to come up. Ugh, I don’t think I’ve ever been up this early! Woken up that is, staying awake until this hour is completely different.

I all but stomp into the kitchen attached to the dining area, now more ticked about being up. Stupid morning, stupid Suguro, stupid…My face turns bright red and I yank the refrigerator open with more force than necessary causing the items in the door to rattle loudly. Right, food first, brooding later.

I scan the contents and my mood somehow sours even more.

“Ugh, seriously?!” I groan.

It’s all ready-to-eat food. I know I can’t complain too much about what’s available but really? I’m finally in the rebuilt part of the city where there’s fresh produce and meat being shipped in daily, and the fridge is stocked with exclusively garbage. Hot dogs, yogurt, plastic wrapped meals from convenience stores, and yep, even all the eggs are hardboiled. So much for cooking…I’m starting to think this place typically has a chef as part of their staff and they’ve yet to hire a new one.

I glare at the contents of the fridge feeling personally insulted. My stomach growls again so I push past my pride and grab a yogurt. Maybe we’ll luck out and some fast food place opened up. God knows it’ll take more than an apocalypse for McDonalds to disappear.

I take a bite of the yogurt and cringe. All I can taste is artificial sweeteners, “made with real strawberries” my ass. I still force myself to eat it though. Between bites I snoop through various cabinets just for something to do. Most of them are still empty but I do find one that seems to be the coffee/tea cabinet. Well at least that’s one good thing in this pathetic kitchen. I fill up the electric kettle with enough water for some instant cappuccino (I don’t complain about this stuff because honestly, I would have filled up a mug of regular coffee with half milk and sugar anyways) but I pause before turning it on.

Should I make some for Suguro? Ugh, no wait Ryuji. It’s going to take forever to get used to that.

I add more water and flip the switch. It’s the least I can do after last night, right? I said thank you to him but I’ve always thought actions speak louder than words and I’m a bit limited on actions at the moment. This will have to do. I turn back to the assorted drinks and immediately start swearing. I have no clue what the guy even drinks. Black coffee? This powdered stuff that technically isn’t even coffee? Tea? Cocoa?

I end up debating up until the kettle chirps. I know I’ve put more thought into this than I have anything else before, so why am I now? It’s just a stupid drink, a gesture to show my appreciation. Jeeze I’m sure collectively our entire group put less thought into Izumo’s birthday gift than this! I end up throwing a bag of jasmine tea into a paper to-go mug. Jasmine is safe right? Besides, he came from a Buddhist temple, meditates, and goes running every morning. Sounds like a jasmine tea drinker to me. I nod to myself and start dumping the mix for mine.

Drinks made, kettle put away I make my way back to the room. The street lights are off now and everything has a rose colored hue from the sunrise though the glass doors. Hopefully that means Ryuji is awake because I have no idea what to do if he’s not. Balancing the cups in one hand I open the door to our room and I’m greeted with Ryuji pulling clean jeans over his hips. His back is to me but he must have heard the door because he looks over his shoulder at me.

“Was wonderin’ where ya disappeared to.” He mumbles. His voice is still thick with sleep but his eyes are wide open and alert. His hair is a tangled mess but a hairband is keeping most of it out of his face. I know he’s a morning person since he told me over a month ago he goes running at 5:30 every day but I’m still shocked that someone can just roll out of bed and be ready for the day. That’s not normal.

He starts threading his belt through the loops causing my gaze to shift and land on his lower back. It’s impossible to miss the scar. The tissue is still purple, clashing against his pale skin in a messy crater. I know Yukio did his best with him and Shima, but apparently there isn’t much anyone can do with bullet wounds. The scar on his front isn’t like this though which bothers me. What I saw almost a week ago was a neat little knot of discolored scar tissue, nothing too shocking. But this? This is something completely different. Clearly the round took some of him with it because the area is sunken into an ugly, jagged depression in his back the size of a 500 yen coin. There’s even some spider webbed scars coming out of it. Clearly those had been stitched by Yukio though. Makes sense though, it looks like these are rips from the wound, different from the shot itself. Probably from the stubborn idiot walking and tripping and fucking CLIMBING a crater after being shot.

I feel a wave of guilt crash through me instead of anger. He only got hurt because of me and Yukio, and now he has a permanent reminder of what happened marring his body. The weight of that hangs heavy on my shoulders the longer I stare. I only look away when Ryuji tugs a black thermal down which covers the scar.

“Where did ya run off to anyways?” He turns around to face me, clearly unaware of my staring or my musings. He starts taking out his piercings again while he looks at me for an answer. It’s only then I remember the tea in my hand.

“Kitchen. Nothing really edible in there though. Here,” I take a few steps forward to hold the tea out to him. “I wasn’t sure if you’re a tea or coffee person so I guessed. It’s jasmine.” Silence. I stand there holding the damn thing while staring at the empty built-ins awkwardly. I can feel my face turning beat red and I’m starting to assume I’ve guessed wrong when eventually I feel the cup tugged out of my grip.

“Thanks man.” I hear him take a sip but I don’t look up. I swallow some of my own drink but I hardly taste it. It’s more for something to do instead of just standing there. I guess he has no idea what to say or do either because he does the same thing. What a great way to start the day.

 

* * *

 

 

Less than an hour later we’re making our way down the mostly cleared sidewalks with full bellies. Like I expected, it would take more than an apocalypse to shut down McDonalds. Never thought I’d miss those greasy, syrup soaked breakfast sandwiches.

Both of us are clearly in better moods now but there’s still a heavy cloud tension between us. It’s hard to say what exactly it is but if I had to guess, it’s that Ryuji knows more about what happened this morning than he’s letting show. I have no intention of bringing up and to be honest, I really hope he doesn’t either.

Another series of posters across the street has me tugging my beanie tighter over my pointed ears. It’s impossible not to notice them, especially now that they’re one of the few items of color with everything cloaked in white. I look up to my side and see Ryuji absentmindedly running his thumb over one of his. Definitely a new nervous habit. It makes me wonder why he got all those piercings to begin with. From what I’ve gathered, Ryuji dyed his hair and got the piercings right before coming to True Cross along with Shima dying his hair. Surely it wasn’t something as petty as spite to his family. I’ve heard of plenty of kids doing stuff like that the second they leave home but Ryuji doesn’t come across as that kind of person. Besides, I’ve seen that photo of his family and temple being hastily shoved into a pocket several times now. No one who does something like that out of spite would keep a photo on their person all the time.

“Are we going anywhere specific or are we just wandering now?” I ask when that train of thought dies.

My question causes his thumb to freeze in place on the conch of his ear, where one of his piercings used to be. There’s a shift in his body language as well and I know I’m not going to like his answer.

“Yes and no.” He says with a heavy sigh. “You’re not going to like it. God knows your brother is going to kill me when he finds out too.”

I stop walking and Ryuji does as well just one step ahead of me. I already don’t like his answer. I can feel my heart rate and breathing pick up in anticipation. He glances at the other people going around us on the sidewalk for a moment. The sun is now up though only a slight yellow hue makes its way through the snow heavy clouds. Everyone around us must be on their way to work judging by the time and their haste. One man on his cell phone bumps into me but because of how strong I am he’s the only one thrown off. He glares at me before continuing on his way.

Ryuji grabs my bicep and pulls me into the adjacent alley. A bright fluorescent light illuminates the entire length, reminding me of the still present threat of opportunistic low level demons. We don’t go very far, just enough that any conversation we have won’t be overheard. Especially over the roar of traffic and other city noise.

“We need to rescue Miss Kirigakure.” He says simply when he turns to face me.

“Okay…” I say slowly. I figured we would do that eventually so it’s not really a surprise.

“To do that,” he continues after a long pause. “We’ll need a key. An all access key, not just one of the locally tied ones like the teaches at school carry. Squad leaders carry those. We’ll need to find a squad assigned barrier guard because most members will be stationary while a select few and the leader roam the interior.”

“How in the hell do you know all of that?” I interrupt.

Ryuji glares at me. “Didja not pay attention to the mission files we were given over the years? This is standard practice for clearing hostile areas.”

I break eye contact and watch a bus go by the mouth of the alley. Honestly I hardly skimmed any of them. I basically got the main details and then tossed them aside before doing something more interesting.

Ryuji heaves an annoyed sigh and rubs a hand over his eyes. “Whatever. Either way, we need to find a squad like that and get a key. There’s no other way to get to the Vatican, let alone inside to True Cross Order. We’d be lucky if we can get into the tourist areas like St Peter’s Basilica.”

“Alright, finding a squad like that isn’t going to be too hard once we reach the perimeter, but how exactly do you plan on getting the key? Ask nicely?”

The fact that he doesn’t snap at my sarcasm makes those earlier feelings of unease come back.

“That’s the part you’re not going to like…” Ryuji looks behind me and I know he’s looking at the brightly colored posters we just passed. “I guess armed robbery isn’t too bad of a charge compared to the other shit we’re facing…” He mumbles softly.

“Armed…” I don’t even finish repeating it as I start backing away from him and into the cement wall of the neighboring building. He’s right, I don’t like it. I can already picture it and my breathing starts getting erratic as a few images start forming in my mind.

“Hey hey! Calm down man!” Ryuji puts up his hands on my shoulders and hunches down just enough so we’re eye to eye. “Nobody is gunna to get hurt, ok? Do ya really think I’d let that happen?” He pauses long enough for me to slowly shake my head. “I don’t want to do this either but there’s not really another way for us to get a key without it being suspicious. Look, there’s plenty of hostility in people around here, just look at the headlines on the newspapers. We’re going to play into that, nobody has to know who we really are or anything. We’re just a couple of thug kids who’ve lost a lot in the disaster and are desperate.”

“H-How?” I manage to stutter.

“We won’t make the key our obvious target. Just tell the guy to empty out his pockets and take everything he has. If he doesn’t show us the key, pat him down and take everything that’s left.”

It sounds like a decent enough plan, simple. Nobody has even looked twice at us just wandering around and we have posters with our faces on them everywhere. Besides, people will be looking at the gun, right?

Wait…

“By armed you mean…” I trail off but Ryuji understands. He takes one of his hands off my shoulder to hike up his layers of clothing just enough to show part of a gun tucked into the waistband of his jeans. My eyes snap back up to his, probably comically wide.

“I wasn’t about to follow your dumb ass out here without one!” He snaps in his defense as he drops the fabric back to its proper place. “There was no way of knowing what we would have come across out here. Besides, one of us had to have a weapon.” He glares at me, daring me to bring up the sword. Once again I cave and break eye contact first. Ryuji sighs and I feel his hand return to my shoulder. “Look, it won’t be loaded. It’s just to scare them, they won’t know it’s empty. As soon as we have the key we’ll hightail it outta here and back to the house. We’ll work on part 2 of the plan there with everyone else.” He ducks his head back into my line of sight, the furrow of his brow is still present but not in the form of a scowl. “Everything will be fine, Rin.”

He waits for me to nod before dropping his hands and heading back out to the sidewalk. I follow silently a step behind him. He was right, I don’t like the plan. The very idea of doing something like that, even if it is just an act, makes me feel the beginnings of another stupid panic attack. I’ve hurt and scared enough people, I don’t want to do it again in any way. I don’t have any other ideas though. I trust Ryuji to make these kinds of calls and plans. I’m just the kind of guy who plays the muscle, the action. Even if I don’t follow things to a ‘T’ I still achieve whatever the goal is…just typically with a little more damage than originally expected.

I shake my head and stare at the spot on Ryuji’s back where I know his scar is hidden. I can do this. I can and will do this. Shura needs us and Ryuji needs me to help get the key. We’ll be fine, things will go according to plan and we’ll be out of here tonight.

I hate this plan…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically below my personal word limit for a chapter but I wanted to get it out to you guys. I'm going out of town tomorrow morning (I should be doing things like packing right now...) for a funeral and leaving again on the 28th for a trip to Boston and Maine with the husband and friends. I want to get the next chapter out before the second trip but honestly it'll probably be around July 9th after I get back. Again, I'm really sorry for the long wait guys.
> 
> ~Lots of love from MiLou~


	17. Backfire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it's 3:30 in the morning and I need to be up in 2 hours to get ready for work...Still, totally worth it to get this out to you guys :)
> 
> That being said I'm certain I missed some errors and some places don't flow right. Please let me know so I can edit them when I'm fully conscious.

The rest of the day is boring as hell.

We eventually loop back to the hotel to grab our bags and manage to do so without running into anyone. No one is even at the front desk so we just leave the key on the counter. At least that’s a relief, the little girl was too nosey. After that we basically just wander the perimeter like we did yesterday coming into the district. It’s really weird how all of the sudden it just ends. People walk along the sidewalk, businesses are open and running, cars going by, all of it is painfully normal save for the webs of yellow tape and plastic barricades. Everything looks fine beyond them too, just empty and dark.

“Power grid.” Ryuji had muttered as an explanation. I really don’t understand what he means by that but I don’t bother asking.

We trudge along for hours just looking, though for what exactly I’m not really sure. A cop guards nearly every road and alley leading into the closed areas but a few are guarded by True Cross members. To everyone else they probably look like outsourced security guards, but to us they stand out like sore thumbs in their trench coats. Actually I take that back. That girl clearly has a sword strapped to her hip and the petite blonde next to her not only has a rosary around her neck but mala beads around her right wrist. How people don’t think that’s strange is beyond me.

I roll my eyes and end up almost missing Ryuji turning into a ramen shop.

“Hey!”

I scramble to catch the door as its closing behind him earning a glare from the older woman next to me. The shop smells heavenly when I step inside. I take a deep breath and relish the myriad scents. Roasted meats, sautéed vegetables, spices, broths that have been simmering for hours, god how I missed all of that. A smile tugs at my lips and I make my way towards Ryuji. He’s chosen a table in the corner next to a window that looks out at the road guarded by the two True Cross girls.

“Figured you wouldn’t complain about camping out here for a while.” It’s faint, but I can see the slight upturn of his lips in a ghost of a smile when he looks up at me from his seat.

I shrug trying to mask my enthusiasm for being in a real restaurant and slide into the booth seat across from him.

I don’t know what I expected but it certainly wasn’t sitting in a ramen shop for hours. We do eat lunch but Ryuji spends the rest of the time alternating between looking out the window and writing in a notebook he picked up at one the few shops we stopped in earlier. I tried to read what he was writing at one point but gave up pretty quickly. Between it being upside-down, his cramped kanji, and my already sub-par reading skills I couldn’t get much. I did ask him what the hell he was writing but he just said “stuff” which ended that conversation.

Probably an hour after finishing our food Ryuji kicks my foot under the table. I look up from the paper cup I’ve been ripping into miniscule pieces and Ryuji nods out the window. FINALLY something is happening. The knight is holding a radio between her and the aria, the latter looking wide-eyed. The taller says something into the machine and nods towards the other. The aria turns and vaults over the barricade, disappearing down the dark alley.

“That’s where we’ll get the key tonight.” Ryuji mumbles. I look up at him but he’s still watching the knight that stayed behind. “If there’s demons out there during the day there will be several squads patrolling that area after sundown.”

Anxiety claws its way up my throat but I cover it with a huff, scattering the remnants of the cup across the table.

“That’s great and all but sundown is still hours away. We can’t stay here till then.”

Ryuji shoves his notebook back into his bag.

“No, we have shit to do.”

“Like what…” I ask cautiously. I already don’t like what we’re doing, what else could he possibly have in mind.

“Ever cut someone’s hair before?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Fuck up my hair too badly and I’ll break your nose.”

I have no doubt he’ll make good on that threat.

We’re in a disgusting convenience store bathroom doing this. (Seriously, this place was literally rebuilt within a month ago, how is it already this gross?)

Ryuji is sitting on the toilet, bare from the waist up, with the dirty shirt from yesterday wrapped around his shoulders. He’s glaring daggers at me but I somehow get the feeling most of it is actually nerves. His hair has been really important to him and I doubt losing part of his identity is easy.

I swallow the lump in my throat and turn on the electric clippers we just purchased. I’m using the longest guard possible so if I do screw up I can hopefully fix it but I still don’t like having this kind of responsibility. Especially since I’ve never done this before. Fuck I’d prefer facing Amaimon again than do this and I have a hard time deciding if that’s just sad or weird.

I shake my head and start running the thing through the blonde stripe in his hair. It falls in clumps to the dirty floor but I don’t give it more than a glance. I focus on carefully running the machine in neat rows to ensure I don’t miss a single strand. I do look down when I’m getting close to his ear and kinda wish I didn’t. Ryuji’s eyes are squeezed shut, the furrow in his brow is tight, and his nose is scrunched in a look of anguish I’m sure he doesn’t realize he’s expressing. I feel horribly guilty despite knowing I shouldn’t.

‘This was inevitable,’ I think to myself as I work around his bare ears. ‘He knew it, I knew it, this was inevitable. It’s not my fault.’ My stomach still feels like it’s in knots.

It takes well over an hour because I keep trying to make his hair look somewhat decent but in the end it’s still a shaggy mess of brown hair. Still, standing back I hardly recognize him. His ears are now visible but I can hardly tell he normally has them filled with metal, the holes are barely visible. His hair obviously made a huge difference too and really the only way I can tell it’s him is his doe brown eyes. The usual crease between his brows in his near permanent scowl is gone right now too. Honestly, now he looks more like the scared teenager we all really are.

“That bad?” He mutters. It’s the first thing he’s said since his threat to break my nose.

“No, but your own mother wouldn’t recognize you.”

He gives a snort. “Doubt that, she’s probably the only one that would. I haven’t seen her since I got all this done.” He makes a vague gesture to indicate his ears and where his dyed hair was.

I feel my eyes grow wide. “You haven’t seen your family at all since you came to True Cross?” I don’t wait for the confirmation, I can see it in his defiant expression. “So what, they know nothing?” More silence.

Now I feel rage. I know I don’t have much family left but the priests at the monastery are still people I consider that and I’ve visited them nearly once a month since going away to school. “How the hell do you think your family feels about all this!?” I throw my arms out to indicate the situation we’re in. Pieces of his hair get dislodged from my hoodie in the gesture and float to the ground “Your family probably had cops coming to their home with those flyers. Flyers of you that have a picture of someone they now no longer recognize saying they are looking for you for connections to the total destruction of a fancy ass school and the surrounding city resulting in the death of a bunch of people!?”

Ryuji’s glare sends ice through my veins, defusing the anger as quickly as it came. “Don’t. Fucking. Remind. Me.” He growls through clinched teeth. He rips the shirt from his shoulders and scrubs at his hair to get the strays out. I glare at him before snatching my bag and storming out the door. The rage I felt a moment ago may be gone but I’m still pissed at him. I don’t know his reasons for what he’s done but it’s not right in my book to turn your back on family.

The same girl is at the register though she has a different magazine now. She doesn’t even look up as I walk by. I end up grabbing more things to buy while I wait on Ryuji. I get a few tins of the cat food Kuro will never admit he likes, a special edition of a magazine about gardening in winter for Sheimi, a dirty one for Shima (I don’t even look at the selection, I just grab one randomly), and then I end up in the isle with hair stuff. One side is dedicated to hair dye and I grab one box of pink, one of blonde, and two bleaching kits. I force myself not to think too much about the blonde box. As pissed as I am, it’s still the right thing to do.

The girl still doesn’t look up when I bring everything up to the counter. She just snaps her gum and starts ringing it up. She does mutter the total before holding out her hand for the money but she still doesn’t even glance at me. Thank god because I’m sure it would be weird to see the same guy buying more stuff after being in one of the bathrooms for over an hour.

I have my new purchases shoved into my bag and I’m waiting by the door when Ryuji finally comes out. His hair is wet like he rinsed it in the sink but he covers it up with his hat. He avoids looking at me but I can see that his scowl is back in place.

Outside the sun is starting to set and the street lights are turning on. We walk back the couple of blocks to the ramen shop in silence though I do catch Ryuji running his thumb over his ear again out of the corner of my eye.

The cross street before the restaurant had only a regular officer before but now a Dragoon stands in place. I make a point of not looking at him and instead focus on my steps through the shoveled sidewalk. That has to be a good sign, right? For our plan that is.

Ryuji grabs my arm and drags me into a dead end alley between empty apartments like he did this morning.

A woman that had been carrying groceries behind us pauses and watches us dart down the alley but after a moment her cheeks go bright red and she hurries on her way. Whatever. I look back at Ryuji and see that he’s waiting under the fire escape like last time.

Fifteen minutes later we’re as far into the closed off area as we can without me carrying Ryuji. We’re sitting on the ledge of one of the taller buildings with a nearly unobstructed view down the empty streets of the intersection plus the courtyard next door. It’s freaking freezing too. Nothing protects us from the wind, the cement chills me to the bone, and I can already feel the snow I missed brushing off it melting into my jeans. Plus my tail is starting to cramp after having spent the whole day wrapped around my chest. Bottom line, I’m in a pretty foul mood. I can tell Ryuji isn’t fairing much better but right now I can’t really bring myself to care.

“So what now?” I huff, not even bothering to look at him.

“Keep an ear out for any patrols dumbass.” I can feel him glaring at me so I make a point of not looking at him. “I’m making this up as I go for the most part, alright? I aint psychic, I don’t know where a squad leader is in this mess. At least if we find a patrol we can make something happen that would warrant one coming to help. I seriously doubt we’ll be lucky enough for one to just walk by this particular place.”

“Whatever.”

Almost an hour goes by and I’m starting to think this plan isn’t going to work. I haven’t been able to hear anything. No humans, no demons, hell not even a coal tar has floated along with its annoying chitter. However, I do admit Ryuji’s plan has merit. There are dozens of tracks down below from humans and demons alike. Clearly this area has been busy, just not now. Why? I have no idea and I don’t ask.

I kick another strip of snow over the ledge and listen to the heavy yet muffled noise of it landing on more below. I open my mouth to tell Ryuji that his plan isn’t working when I do hear something. I sit up straight and look around. It sounds like someone walking up a ladder, but it’s far away and distorted, like it’s coming from inside a building.

Or from underground.

I yank Ryuji back off the ledge and peak over at the street. The roads here were never cleared so it takes a moment but I do eventually see the circular manhole cover get pushed up through the snow and to the side. A stick thin guy crawls out and flops gracelessly face down into the white powder. His black trench is covered in dirt and wet on the edges.

“Move yer feet Gray!”

The guy, Gray I assume, moves his heavy boots and another comes out of the sewer access equally filthy.

“How much longer are we stuck on coal tar duty?” The second sits down next to his squad mate and fixes him with a glare.

Gray rolls his head to look at him. “For tonight? ‘nother four hours.”

The second guy groans and flops backwards.

Their accent is weird. The vowels all blend together and everything sounds too nasal. Maybe American? The second guy certainly looks like an American football player with his broad frame but the other is stick thin. Both have short dirty blonde hair matted with sweat and longer faces too but other than that I can’t tell much else about them.

Gray sighs and rolls over causing Ryuji to take a sharp intake of breath. I don’t catch the reason why right away but then I see it. On his right breast, opposite of his True Cross pendant, is a gold band with a pink stripe in the middle. The identifying badge of a squad leader.

They lie there for a moment in silence but then the second guy gets up and brushes the snow off his uniform.

“I’m grabbing coffee and takin’ a piss. 30 minutes ta cool down and caffeinate ain’t long enough for a 10 hour shift Gray.”

“Not my call and you know it.” He snaps from the snow. As an afterthought he adds “And get me a doughnut!”

I think the second guy gives him the finger as he walks down the street leading back into the district.

Ryuji and I sit there holding our breath. Holy shit we actually did get lucky and have a squad leader show up here! After a minute Gray gets up out of the snow and sits on a raised flowerbed between the sidewalk and the street. He pulls out a phone and the bright screen comes to life. It’s at that moment Ryuji grabs me by the shoulders and whips me around to face him.

“Okay here’s the plan: You’re going to jump down that side.” He points to the side of the building Gray almost has his back to. “And sneak up behind him. Pin his arms or something to keep him from radioing for help. In the mean time I’ll hurry my ass down the fire escape and pull the gun on him. You don’t have to say anything other than ‘hold still’ or ‘don’t move.’ I’ll do all the talking. Simple.”

My heart is already racing but I manage a nod in agreement. It should be easy.

“Good, now move it.”

I vault over the side and land silently in the snow seven stories down. I guess this snow was a good thing after all.

I do feel bad for this. Gray is completely innocent, just a guy doing his job. He doesn’t deserve to be scared like this. The guilt claws at me and I pause at the edge of the building. The guy is still engrossed in his phone, he has no idea what’s about to happen. ‘Think of Shura.’ I tell myself. ‘She’s innocent too, she needs us. This guy will be fine and we’ll rescue Shura, it’ll all be fine in the end.’ It’s enough of a distraction for me to get behind him and immobilize him. I swing my arms under his and yank them up to lock my fingers together behind his neck. His phone falls out of his hands and gets buried in the snow.

“What the…?” Gray is staring at the diffused glow of the screen in the white powder. He lets out a sigh. “Ryan this isn’t funny, that’s my work phone. Diane will take the money out of my salary to replace it if it gets damaged.” His tone isn’t even that angry, just tired and slightly annoyed.

I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. The seriousness of what I’m doing is hitting me like a train and I feel like all I can do is keep breathing.

Gray starts to get annoyed that ‘Ryan’ hasn’t let go and he starts tugging his arms down. “Come on man, I’m serious.”

“Don’t move.” I finally manage to get out. My heart is racing a million miles a minute with adrenaline and somehow goes faster when Gray freezes in my arms realizing it’s not his squad mate doing this. He tries to turn his head to look at me but isn’t successful. He then starts to pull his arms down harder when Ryuji’s voice comes from his side.

“He said,” Ryuji moves in front of him and glares down at him. “Don’t move.” Ryuji pulls the gun from behind his back but keeps it at his side. A warning to cooperate.

Gray freezes and I can feel his racing heartbeat against my palms.

“Here’s how this is going to go:  you’re going to empty your pockets and we’ll go our separate ways. Got it?” Gray nods slowly and Ryuji looks over at me. He looks completely normal, like we aren’t mugging some poor guy. No dilated pupils, no nervous sweating, steady hand, no rapid breathing, nothing that makes him seem unsure of himself. Hell, if I didn’t know better I would think he has done this before! Thank god he is the one doing this though, I’m sure that one look at me and Gray would know I’m terrified. There’s no way we’d get the key if I did the talking.

I take a deep breath and slowly pull my right arm away allowing his to go free. This is it, he’ll dump his pockets, we’ll get the key, and we’ll be back in the house by sunrise. Gray starts to reach over to his upper breast pocket like he’s going to cooperate but then he swings his arm back as hard as he can, landing his elbow directly where I was shot.

I feel pain for only a moment, just enough to register it before I black out. I know I was out for only a second when I come to, but it was long enough for me land in a crumpled heap in the snow. The ringing in my ears is fading and I can hear a fist fight. I lift my head just in time to see Gray punch Ryuji in the nose. He stumbles back, reflexes making him bring his hands to his injured face. Gray takes advantage of that and lands a kick at his unprotected stomach.

Damnit, I never started fighting lessons with Ryuji. As much as he looks and acts like a punk, he clearly has never been in a fight. His reactions are slow, he’s too stiff, his stance is off balance, and he’s got too many openings on himself.

Ryuji is still hunched over when Gray starts reaching for the radio clipped to his belt. Ryuji notices and tackles him into the snow before he can bring the mike to his mouth. At least he has twice the body mass as this guy, maybe he can keep Gray down with just his size.

I try to push myself up to my hands and knees but pain shoots through my stomach.

“Fuck…” I gasp and put my hand over the injured area. That can’t be good. I’ve taken plenty of punches and kicks, none of them have felt like this. Especially not one from a human.

Ryuji and Gray and wrestling in the snow, fighting to get the other in a submissive hold. Ryuji seems to be gaining the upper hand when he finally straddles Gray but the guy swings his left fist up and makes contact with his cheek. I see a brief flash of gold on his hand before it bites into Ryuji’s flesh. Blood starts trickling down to his chin and that’s when I notice how much is coming out of his nose.

Ryuji isn’t going to win.

He’s too inexperienced, he has no idea what to look for or how to protect himself. Gray has yet to receive any injuries save for perhaps a few bruises when he was tackled into the snow. He’s had training, he knows what he’s doing and how to fight hand to hand. Ryuji can’t beat him, and I know that I can’t either. My side is making it difficult to just breathe, let alone fight. I also can’t take off my ring…with all this bright snow and it being night my flames will be an unmistakable beacon to every exorcist in the district. And that’s assuming I can even take it off without going into some sort of mental breakdown.

The gun!

I feel myself jump at the realization. Ryuji doesn’t have it, he must have dropped it at some point!

I frantically start looking for the gunmetal from my prone position and find it several feet out of my reach, the grip just poking out of the snow. Fortunately it’s farther from Gray and Ryuji and it seems like they’ve forgotten about it.

I grit my teeth and start dragging myself towards it using mostly my left arm. It’s extremely painful and slow going, the snow offering little for me to hold on to and even more resistance as I try to pull myself. I hear cry of pain from Gray but Ryuji’s advantage is short lived. I hear the wind get knocked out of him followed by a heavy thud. I scramble the extra mere inches and wrap my fingers on the frozen metal. I swing my arm towards them and yell out for them to stop. Ryuji is on his back, arms up to protect his already injured face while Gray straddles him mid punch. His eyes are locked on the gun and wide in shock.

I try to tell him to get off but it just comes out as pained gasps. I settle for waving the gun to the side and he gets the message. He slowly slides off of Ryuji and raises his hands.

Ryuji immediately starts moving. He roughly starts ripping at all of his pockets, shoving everything he can into his own. He must have found the key because he hasn’t even gotten to the hip bag when he scrambles to his feet. He doesn’t say anything when he gets to me, he just carefully puts his hands under my arms and slowly pulls me up. I keep the gun trained on Gray the whole time who is now glaring at us with his pine colored eyes, the road rash on his cheek growing darker.

Once I’m on my feet Ryuji takes the gun while sliding his opposite arm under both of mine. It’s reminiscent of when we fled the hospital and I start mentally preparing myself for a repeat.

We start walking backwards, gun pointed at Gray the whole time until we reach the cross street. Ryuji then drops his hand and starts half dragging me in an awkward run down the street.

The second he does I hear Gray screaming into his radio for backup.

We’re not going to make it.

My side is too injured for me to help us escape, there’s no way we’ll get away. We can’t use the key either, they’ll figure it out. And that’s just assuming we somehow get to a religious site that isn’t being watched by someone. No, the plan was for both of us to out run them, use the snow to our advantage with leaving a trail back into the high traffic areas. As soon as we would step back into the district we’d be free, another face in the crowds.

That’s not going to happen though.

Shit, what do we do?

We’ve just turned down an alley when Ryuji shoves me with his shoulder and I lose my footing. I fall out of his grip and land loudly against a metal door with a bang but he grabs me by the front of my hoodie before I can fall to the ground. My side is killing me and I can feel a weird warmth in that same area. It almost feels like someone is injecting hot water under my skin. Getting shoved into the door certainly didn’t help any of that either.

I don’t get a chance to figure out what the hell Ryuji is doing, his mouth crashes into mine before I can even make eye contact with him.

I can feel how chapped his lips are from the dry winter air, how thick the scruff on his chin is, the harsh exhale out of his damaged nose, even the copper tang of his blood. I don’t even realize he’s kissing me right away and when I do I’m still frozen in place. I don’t do anything, I can’t do anything.

It’s not like any of the few kisses I’ve had before. A quick peck while rushing between classes, a slow burning one to say goodnight, a rough and passionate mess of lips, teeth, and tongue behind the school, it’s not like any of those. I know my experience is limited, girls rarely gave me a second look but I know enough.

I know this is different.

This is desperate, this is fearful. This is a stolen kiss goodbye before something awful happens. This is like in an action movie before the hero runs off to do something suicidal to save everyone else.

And that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

The realization hits me hard and I feel my stomach drop to the frozen earth below.

I hear a weird click and the hand clenched in the fabric of my hoodie tightens for a second. Then suddenly I’m falling backwards. The hand that once held onto me so desperately has opened and is now pushing me away. I land on my back really hard though it’s onto a soft carpet and my backpack. After a stunned half second I sit up on my elbows, ignoring my body’s painful screams of protests. I fell through the door I had crashed against just moments ago, my feet still in the way of it closing. I see a flash of gold fly to the floor and a notebook land next to me. By the time I look up from these items Ryuji has the door half way closed. He doesn’t look at me, he just kicks my feet out of the way before pulling the door shut with a loud bang. The only other thing he leaves behind are a few crimson droplets of blood on the floor.

**_“RYUJI!”_ **

I scream his name despite the pain in my chest. I scramble up to my knees and wrench the door open. It reveals a shallow closet modified into a Buddhist shrine. A large white stone figure of Buddha smiles peacefully from the middle of the lowest shelf haloed by carefully arranged white candles, a row of bamboo growing behind it, an incense burner in front, and a neat pile of mala beads on a frayed cord. On the floor is a red rug with clear indentions of knees from someone kneeling for prayers.

It’s not the dark snowy alley from the district.

**_“NO!”_ **

I slam the door shut and yank it open again only to reveal the same shrine and Buddha figure with its mocking smile.

**_“NO, NO, NO!”_ **

I slam the door repeatedly, despite nothing changing. I can hear footsteps racing towards me now. That asshole! The fucking asshole! I can hear and feel the wood splintering, the knob warping under my fingers.

“RIN!”

Yukio falls to the floor next to me. I don’t pay attention to him though. I’ve stopped slamming the door, resting my forehead against the knob with both hands still around it and my thoughts racing in a panicked frenzy. They’ll catch him! They’re going to kill him! They’ll figure out who he is! It doesn’t matter that I cut his hair and his piercings are gone, they’ll figure it out! And when they do they’ll realize it was me with him! They’ll torture him for information but that stubborn bastard won’t talk, he’s too fucking loyal! That fucking asshole! **_How could he do this?!_**

I can hear more people arriving but I still don’t look up. Yukio has a hand on my shoulder but I can’t tell if the words he’s saying are to me or someone else, they’re just noise being drowned out by my own chaotic thoughts. Another hand lands on my shoulder and the soft voice joins Yukio’s. I yank myself away from both of them.

**_“GOD DAMNIT RYUJI!”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (singing) If you saw that this was coming raise your hand! If you saw that this was coming raise your hand! If you thought that they were happy and things were going merrily so things would crash and burn then raise your hand! :D
> 
> Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to take a 2 hour nap and then begin consuming a concerning amount of Monster and Rock Star energy drinks.


	18. Aftermath

**_“You god damn fucking asshole!”_ **

They’re going to catch him! They’re going to catch him and figure out who he is! A haircut and taking out his piercings can only do so much, his picture is everywhere! This was a stupid plan, I should have trusted my gut when he told me about it this morning! They’ll figure out who he is the moment they catch him! And when they do they’ll torture him for information! It’ll take them no time to figure out that I was the other person with him and when they do they’ll use him to try and get information on where the rest of us are! He won’t tell though, that stubborn bastard is too damn loyal! He’ll take whatever form of torture they throw at him with a locked jaw until they kill him! Oh my god they’re going to kill him! They’re going to catch him and kill him!

The same series of thoughts keep screaming at me in a chaotic mess until they start crashing together, hardly making sense but still providing more fuel to the panic and dread coursing through me. I can feel my breath getting shallower and my heart racing with every second, dragging me into another panic attack which only adds a whole new series of thoughts to the storm inside my head.

Ryuji has been the one to help me through these, and now he isn’t here! I don’t know how to handle this on my own! What do I do?! He isn’t here and I can’t breathe! He isn’t here because of me! They’re going to catch him-

I slam the door one more time in an attempt to try and quiet the storm. There’s an audible crack as the wood snaps and a screeching protest of metal as the knob warps further under my fingers but it only causes a second of reprieve before the storm starts up again, just as loud and vicious as before. I grit my teeth trying to slow my breathing but all it does is turn it into loud hisses. Fuck what do I do?! What the fuck do I-

A pair of small hands reach around to grab the front of my shoulders, slender fingers digging almost painfully into the muscle as they whip me around to face them.

“RIN OKUMURA YOU WILL CALM YOURSELF RIGHT THIS SECOND!”

Silence.

Everything comes to a screeching halt. I have no idea what noise was happening outside of my own head but it’s clear everyone is taken back by Sheimi’s outburst. I stare into her piercing green eyes that have never shown with such intensity before, frozen in place. A shuttering breath has her fingers digging deeper into my clavicles but a much steadier exhale has her letting up. This keeps up for several more breaths until she seems to have decided I’ve calmed down enough. When she speaks again her voice is softer but still holding a commanding tone I never would have expected to come from her.

“There. Now that we are past that, we are going to go to the kitchen. We will get you cleaned up and while we do, you’re going to tell us exactly what happened. Understand?”

It’s clear there’s only one answer I can give but I can’t find my voice. I can still feel the lingering icy grip of panic around my throat, threatening to choke me at the slightest provocation. I just lower my head instead, breaking contact but hopefully conveying complacency. It seems to be enough because I feel another pair of hands reach from behind to pull me to my feet by my underarms. I feel like a small child being picked up by a parent which causes a flicker of embarrassment with the dig into my pride. I try to protest the action with a growl of annoyance since only one person could be doing it and I know he will hear it, but it just comes out as a choked groan of pain the second the muscles in my side stretch. The hands freeze for a second before a murmured apology. I don’t get a chance to analyze it because the next thing I know there’s more near blinding pain but I’m on my feet. The pain starts to dissipate once the muscles relax but it still echoes all the way to my spine and belly. Yukio slips my left arm over his shoulders and his right under mine, mirroring how Ryuji helped me minutes ago. The frozen grip around my throat tightens and I swallow heavily to try and keep it down.

I look up for the first time, really looking at everyone in the room. Moonlight is streaming through the glass doors casting everyone in a soft glow. They’re all in their pajamas, clearly having been woken up by none-to-subtle arrival. Konekomaru and Shima are both huddled over something but I can’t see it with Sheimi in front of me. Her brows are still furrowed in an expression commanding obedience but now that I can see all of her the illusion is slightly shattered. Her blonde hair had been in twin braids (I suspect Izumo having done it) but many of the shorter strands have escaped and are making a frizzy halo. She’s also wearing a shirt two sizes too big with one shoulder poking out. I look towards the door and see Izumo standing near the frame. She’s in the same outfit I saw weeks ago in the apartment. We make eye contact for just a second before she rolls her eyes and with a with a huff she leaves. This seems to be our cue to leave as well because Sheimi follows and Yukio pulls me along.

We make it to the kitchen, harsh yellow lights flicking on and causing everyone to flinch as their eyes struggle to adjust. Yukio moves me into one of the chairs after taking my backpack and before he even has to say anything the first-aid kit appears on the table. He mutters his thanks to whoever brought it but doesn’t look up at them, he just opens the heavy metal box. Kuro jumps up next to it and starts sniffing me intently, short breaths rushing over my exposed hands as he investigates the sodden sleeves of my hoodie. I end up watching him in my weird, numb, post-panic attack state since I can’t seem to do anything else. Although a brief thought about Ryuji not wanting Kuro up on the table crosses my mind.

Yukio grabs my chin and jerks my face into the light forcing me to finally look at my brother. He seems to be the only one who wasn’t asleep when I showed up. His hair is still neat and dark circles ring his wide, alert blue eyes behind his glasses, completely different from the messy bedhead hair (save for Konekomaru) and slightly puffy eyes from several attempts at wiping away sleep everyone else wears.

“There’s blood on your face but I don’t see any place it could have come from. What happened?” His voice is quiet, soft enough the others may not have heard it. I don’t know why though and I don’t really put effort into thinking about it. I end up looking away, not wanting to explain. I don’t know if I’m more grateful or embarrassed that Kuro ends up answering for me.

_It’s not his blood._

He moves so his front legs are on my shoulder, allowing him to more closely sniff the blood marring my cheek, nose, and chin.

_It’s that other guy’s blood. Rin what happened?_

His yellow-green eyes are wide with concern when he leans back enough to look at me instead of just my cheek.

“Rin.” Yukio’s voice is loud enough now that the others can hear. “I need you to tell us what happened. Where’s Suguro?”

I flinch at his name but again someone else answers for me.

“He doesn’t really have to.” My head whips around to the other side of the table where I can see Shima and Konekomaru pouring over a familiar looking journal. Konekomaru looks up at us with a tight expression. “Bon wrote this. It’s an explanation of what happened and what we need to do next. Apparently he had a backup plan in case something happened to him.”

I’m out of my seat and reaching for the stupid book before I can think at all which causes me to slam against the table with a pained cry just as quickly. Fuck my side!

Yukio drags me back into my seat and starts pulling off my wet clothes, the snow having melted long ago and now reaching my skin. The moment my top half is bare a towel lands on top of my head, covering my eyes. I don’t need to look to know who brought it. I also know that saying thanks wouldn’t be well received so I just pull it around my shoulders to catch the drips from my hair.

“Explain.” My brother deadpans as he starts investigating my side. I don’t look down, I already know that I’ll see a mixture of green, blue, and purple beneath my skin.

Shima takes a deep breath. “Bon wrote a message and a plan in this journal, it’s a backup in case anything happened. Knowing him though, I’m willing to bet he was sure something like this would happen to begin with and this was his actual plan.” I flinch and Yukio apologizes, clearly thinking it’s something he did with his investigation. It’s not, I’m paying hardly any attention to his cold fingers on my skin. Bon thought something like this would happen? Why didn’t he change the plan then? Am I that unreliable that he knew something would happen to me?

Shima shifts his weight causing one of the floor boards to creek. “Anyways, he left us the key.” He throws said key onto the table and it lands with a soft metallic clatter. “He said to go after Shura, not to worry about him. He says he’ll hold off suspicion about the key as long as he can but says to, and I quote, ‘move your asses’.”

“But where is she and how exactly are we supposed to save her?” Sheimi asks softly from the seat behind Yukio.

“Vatican City’s True Cross branch in the prison. He says she’s also being kept in isolation which should make it easier to find her.” Konekomaru answers. I hear him pull the notebook from Shima and rip a page out. “Izumo, can you get the history textbook and a pen? There’s a section in there describing the Vatican City branch. The prison isn’t listed for obvious reasons, but it’ll at least help us get an idea of where to go.” A pen lands on the table followed by the heavy thud of the textbook. “Thanks. Ok, Vatican City is 7 hours behind us. It’s just after 10 here which means it’s 3 there. Bon said to use the key to get there and just go through the public entrance, blend in like tourists. Teacher, you still have your uniform?” The question sounds more surprised than anything. Part of me is sure that he’s holding onto it as a memento of who he was and what he did but I’d rather hear it from him. I’m also curious as to how Ryuji knows that he has it.

Yukio freezes and I look at him. His cheeks are red with embarrassment.

“Yeah...” He says softly after a pause. He doesn’t offer anything else and no one asks. Konekomaru picks up explaining the plan and how the uniform will be useful.

The weird disassociation I feel after a panic attack decides to fade at that point and my mind races to catch up. Everything that has happened the last few minutes is processed and one thing stands out; no one talking about going after Ryuji.

“Wait!” Everyone looks up at me but my attention stays on Konekomaru and Shima. “You guys aren’t seriously ALL doing this, right? What about Ryuji?!” His two closest friends look at each other and then away, looking at anything other than me. It’s all the sign I need for their answer. “He’s your best friend! You grew up together! You two are seriously going to just leave him out there and let God knows what to happen to him?!” Who just turns their backs on someone like that?! A sense of betrayal washes over me for him causing me to clench my fists until my nails start to break the skin and I bare my teeth. “What kind of friends are you two?!”

“The kind that trust him!” Shima finally looks at me. He flinches at my exposed fangs but returns my glare just as quickly. “Do I like his plan? Hell no! I may be a coward but don’t think for a second that I would turn my back on Bon like this by my own choice!”

“You do have a choice!”

“No, I don’t Rin!” He yells back. It’s the first time he’s yelled at me and just like Sheimi’s outburst it takes me by surprise. “I trust Bon, that’s what close friends do! You don’t know him like we do!”

That last part stings but I don’t let it show. “What’s there to know? He needs help!” I know I’m shouting, letting my anger start to get the best of me but I really don’t care. “If they catch him they’ll figure out that he wasn’t some punk that held him up! What do you think they’ll do to him?”

“’Held him up?’” Sheimi gasps cutting off my tirade. “Rin…what did you guys do?”

I can hear the horror in her voice but it does nothing to quash my focus. I maintain eye contact with Shima as I explain. “We held a squad leader with one of our dragoon guns. We made it look like a mugging so they wouldn’t suspect it was the key we were after.” Sheimi makes a choked noise of shock and I hear not only Yukio but Izumo behind me suck in a sharp breath. I don’t let it stop me. “And they aren’t going to let shit like that slide easily, even if they somehow don’t figure out that it was Ryuji and me.”

“You cut his hair and he took out his piercings, why would they jump to that conclusion?” Konekomaru’s voice is a lot softer, but still holding conviction, still supporting this stupid plan of Ryuji’s.

“Because they having fucking posters of us everywhere! Pictures and every detail you can imagine to make sure our asses are found by someone, anyone! They don’t care who anymore.”

This causes a pause but Shima still holds his ground. “I trust Bon’s decision. He would have thought this through and now we’re just wasting time, precious time Bon is giving us. So if you value him at all, you’ll shut up and let us do this because you arguing with us doesn’t change anything!”

“He has a point Rin.”

Traitor. I look down at my brother and see the expression he reserves for me when he thinks I’m being unreasonable.

“We need to go now, the more time we lose the greater the chance this fails. We have no way of knowing our window before people get suspicious and amp up security. Your side seems ok enough to go through with this and treat it properly later.”

Yukio stands and makes eye contact with Sheimi before looking at Izumo. “Sheimi, Kamiki, dress in the nicest clothes you have. Put summoning papers in your pockets, shoes, any place you can.” He looks at Konekomaru. “I know your fighting skills aren’t great and we can’t bring weapons, but you clearly know The Vatican as well as I do. Same as the girls, dress nicely and put sutra papers everywhere you can think of. If you need to bring things like mala beads, wrap them around your wrists so they’re in plain sight. We don’t know what kind of guards will be there but it’s best to be prepared.” Yukio turns to head back to the bedrooms.

“What about me?!” Shima glares at Yukio’s retreating back. “You’re not seriously leaving me out of this, are you?”

“Yes, I am.” He responds in his teaching voice over his shoulder. “I need you to watch over this idiot and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” He jerks his chin towards me just in case it wasn’t clear who he was referring to.

“Hey!”

“Seriously?!”

“Yes, seriously. Look Shima, we need someone to stay here. What if Ryuji comes back while we’re gone and he’s hurt?”

“Then why not have Moriyama stay? She actually knows medicine stuff, I can’t do squat!”

Yukio turns around and crosses his arms. “Because she can summon Nii and together they make the best defense if things go wrong. This is not up for discussion, you’re staying here.” He maintains a glare at Shima until the latter finally looks away. “Let’s go, regroup in five minutes.”

Everyone but Shima and I leave to get ready. Neither one of us moves at the table or even gets up to see them off either. Konekomaru comes back for the key but doesn’t say anything. They leave through the mangled closet door in Ryuji’s room, I hear the protest of wood and metal as it opens and closes behind them. Shima and I glare at each other the whole time.

_Rin?_

I jump at Kuro’s voice. I sort of forgot he was here to be honest.

_Rin are you ok? You still have that other guy’s blood on your face…_

I look down at his big eyes. At least Kuro is always on my side. He may never fully understand what’s going on, but he’s always been loyal. I freeze for a second and realize what he just said and what he said earlier. The realization has my heart racing and hope swallowing up the anger and betrayal I had been feeling.

“Kuro! You can smell him right?!” This causes Shima to jump, having not heard Kuro’s inquiry.  Kuro cocks his head to the side in his questioning gesture.

_Yeah. I’m all demon, of course I can smell him._

“Can you track him?!” The excitement in my voice is clear and Shima seems to be catching on to our conversation despite him only hearing half of it.

 _I guess…_ He’s weary, unsure. I’m willing to bet that in his hundreds of years of life he has never been asked something like this. _I can smell him but I don’t know about track. I’ve never really tried._

“Will you though? Please Kuro…”

There’s not a second of hesitation or moment of consideration, he just rubs his face against my arm. _Of course Rin. I’ll find him, I won’t let you down!_ He jumps off the table and starts running towards the door. I take off after him, the pain in my side ignored. Kuro transforms the moment we’re outside, his new size shaking the ground as he runs and even causing some of the snow on nearby trees to fall. I fling open the gate and watch him slowly disappear down the broken road. Kuro will find him. He’ll find Ryuji and he’ll be ok.

“Do you really think Kuro will find him?” I jump a bit at Shima’s voice. I didn’t even hear the crunch gravel and snow as he approached. I turn around to find him looking completely different from what he did minutes ago. His shoulders are slumped, defeated looking and his expression shows clear exhaustion that’s more than physical.

“Yeah, I do.” I’d already let my anger go the moment Kuro took off but my tone seems unexpected to him, like he expected me to yell at him.

“I really don’t like his plan, but it was already done, ya know?” Shima kicks at the powder causing a few rocks to leap up as well.

“Yeah, I know man.” I clasp my hand on his shoulder for just a second before going back into the house. I’m only half dressed and what I am wearing is soaked, I have no desire to be out here longer than necessary. Shima follows next to me and I notice his gaze dart down to my exposed side out of the corner of my eye.

“Chicks are totally going to dig that scar.” It’s so unexpected and stereotypical Shima that I just laugh. “What?! Chicks dig that stuff! Makes you look tough, like a bad boy. Everyone knows that all girls are into bad boys. Getting shot hurt like hell but it’s worth it to be able to lift my sleeve and show off this!” He pulls his sleeve up to exam his own scar with a satisfied smirk. Like Ryuji’s, the tissue is purple with a tattered edge connecting the different skin colors. There’s a visible chunk missing but nothing like the one on his friend’s back, just a small dip in the muscle.

“Oh yeah? And how’s that working out for ya considering your options are Sheimi and Izumo?”

Shima stops walking and visibly deflates a little, dropping his sleeve. “…Ok fine Kamiki still isn’t giving me the time of day but when we’re back I can guarantee the ladies will be all over me!” He perks right back up with a cocky smirk and continues walking towards the house.

When we get back? He really thinks things will eventually go back to normal? A bitter taste floods my tongue and I swallow heavily to keep a smile on my face.

  

* * *

 

 

“Jesus Bon, is that broken?!”

There’s a loud yell of pain. “Obviously! Why the hell would you touch it?!”

I jolt upright just as Kuro lands in my lap. His paws are cold and wet, his black fur a bit disheveled, but a wide smirk is on his face. Kuro found him. Kuro found him and brought him home. I push my hair out of my face to smile down at him in thanks.

I’m sprawled out on one of the couches in the living area next to the kitchen. Nobody really hangs out here since it doesn’t even have a TV but it’s where I found Shim after my shower. It may not be the most comfortable area or really have anything, but it does offer a view through the kitchen to the front door so I knew right away why he chose this spot to wait. I offered him a smile before lying down on the couch with a book of my own. I hadn’t intended to fall asleep, but at some point I must have since I didn’t even hear Shima get up to go to the door. Everything is still dark outside the windows so I have no idea what time it is or how long I slept which just adds to my disorientation. Clearly everyone else is still gone which makes me kind of nervous. If Kuro managed to get to the district, find Ryuji, and come back before everyone else that can’t be a good sign.

“Will you stop that?! I’m fine!”

“No you’re not! Your nose is broken, you have two black eyes, a cut on your cheek, and I’m sure you’re hurt elsewhere!”

“The black eyes are from the broken nose and it’s just a few bruised ribs.” I’m guessing Shima is giving him a skeptical look considering what follows. “Shima, seriously, I’m fine. I’m going to take a shower.”

I hear footsteps retreating to the bedrooms and another pair coming back to the living area. Shima comes around the couch and into my line of sight scratching at the roots of his dark hair with a relieved expression. It reminds me what I bought for him back in town.

“I snagged some hair dye and a magazine for you in the city.”

Shima’s expression lights up when he turns to face me. He doesn’t even seem surprised that I’m awake or at how random my statement is. “Seriously?! Thanks man!” He turns are darts back into the kitchen where my backpack was abandoned.

I take the opportunity to go talk to Ryuji.

Where do I even start though? I want to be mad at him, but right now I can’t deny the euphoria at knowing he’s ok, that he’s back. I have so many questions for him too. Did he not trust me? Is that why he did what he did? How did he get away? What injuries does he have? How did he plan on getting back since he left the key? What about the kiss?

The last one is definitely my biggest question. Sure we seem to have made progress in friendship over the last few weeks, but what a kiss implies…I have to be wrong, there has to be some other reason. Ryuji hated me the first time we met for God’s sake! We butted heads and fought more often than not, our stubbornness and impatience nearly equal and turning even the most basic of interactions into a fight. And when he found out what I really am? I could see the disgust on his face clear as day when he looked at me the day after. Sure he seemed to accept it at some point, even apologized for his behavior. But a tail, pointed ears, fangs, those are constant reminders of what I am and who my father is. But that’s not even the worst of it. He’s seen me when part isn’t locked away in some demonic object. He’s seen the blue flames and I’ve seen him flinch every time they appear. I don’t blame him. He spent his entire life hating those blue flames, the flames that destroyed his home and his temple’s name. They’re the trademark symbol of the single greatest threat to this world and Satan proved that not too long ago.

No. There’s got to be some other meaning. It was a distraction to get me back without protest. If I had known, I would have fought tooth and nail against it. There’s no way there’s anything else. He kissed me to distract me long enough to get me home, that has to be it.

Still though, I can’t totally convince myself that is entirely true. I’ve never been one for assumptions. Sure I’ll come up with explanations, but I won’t believe anything until I hear it from the person. It just never seemed right to me, like it was the same as speaking for someone without their consent. Besides, I could be totally wrong.

I reach the door to Ryuji’s room to find the door cracked. I can hear the shower still going so I push it aside and enter. The bedside lamps are lit casting the room in a warm light but it illuminates the harsh reality of what’s really going on. There’s a set of dirty gray shoe prints coming from the area around his closet to this door and I can still see the few dark droplets of his blood on the carpet. I ease myself down to the floor at the foot of his bed and wait. I don’t have to for very long. After just a minute of picking at the hem of my sweat pants I hear the water shut off. Another minute later and the door opens.

Shit, he does look bad.

His now shorter hair doesn’t hide anything. The bridge of his nose has a shallow cut but is clearly swollen. A dark, nasty purple and green bruise has spread from the cut and pooled under both of his eyes. The swelling seems isolated to just his nose and the corners of his eyes but nothing looks crooked. At least that’s one of the benefits of being punched straight on, less likely to have to fix anything. I’ve had to reset my nose twice from fights and I wouldn’t wish the pain of realigning that bone on anyone. The cut on his cheek doesn’t look nearly as bad, especially since it’s closer to his ear and just below the bone. There’s still a bruise forming and minor swelling, but is dwarfed by the other injury. He just pulled on his pajama pants which leaves the colorful patterns on his chest on full display. Again, nothing serious. I’ve taken enough hits to know that while it all looks bad and he’ll be sore as hell for the next week, nothing needs attention.

Ryuji takes a few steps before he notices me. He doesn’t look surprised but I can see the stiffening of his shoulders. Defensive.

“I’m glad you’re ok.”

He makes a nose that sounds like it was supposed to be a scoff through his nose but the swelling swallows most of it up. “Shima seemed to think differently.” His voice is a little rough too but I attribute it to swallowing the blood that drained down his throat from his nose.

“Yeah well, I’ve been in enough fights to know what’s serious and what just looks bad.” I feel a smirk spread across my lips. “Which by the way you suck at.”

It’s hard to see it under all the bruising but his cheeks do turn red in embarrassment. “Oh like you were any better!”

“Dude, I was put out before it even started. I didn’t get to fight. You on the other hand got your ass handed to you despite the guy being half your size.”

Ryuji grumbles something and flops onto the bed, his legs hanging off next to me. I pull myself up slowly using the frame which Ryuji notices.

“You ok?” He asks softly.

“Yeah yeah, just sore and pissing blood again. Yukio is going to flip when he finds out. He left before he could really do anything.”  I try to wave off his concern but his eyes are wide in horror. “I’ll be fine. Apparently that’s common with kidney injuries. It’ll heal on its own eventually.” I sit down next to him and cross my legs. “I actually came here to ask you about…” I trail off but he knows. He groans and rolls his head to look away.

“Why I kissed ya?” He’s not looking at me but I still nod. He must take my silence as a confirmation. “Why do you think?”

His answer, which isn’t really an answer, ticks me off. “I don’t know, that’s why I asked!”

Ryuji groans again and brings a hand to his face like he’s going to cover his eyes but he bumps his nose causing a hiss of pain and muttered “fuck”. Silence drags on for a few seconds and I’m starting to think he’s not going to give me a real answer.

“Yo, Rin!” I whip around and see Shima come in the room. The pungent smell of bleach that follows him immediately has my eyes watering and I cover my nose. Clearly the kit I bought is still in his hair and I curse my slightly elevated senses. “I gotta ask, did you look when I picked up this magazine?”  It’s then that I notice that he’s holding said magazine. He’s angled it so only the back cover is facing me though and all I see is an ad for some kind of travel destination.

“No I just grabbed one, why?”

Shima starts laughing and takes a few extra steps closer to us. “Here Bon, this is more your style.” He throws it so the cover lands face up on the bed and I can see exactly what he means.

It’s a gay magazine.

The cover doesn’t have some pretty petite girl stretched out in skimpy clothing leaving very little to the imagination. Instead, it has a guy on it. A guy with tight ab muscles revealed by a black shirt bunched up under his arms. The only other thing he’s got on is a tight pair of gray boxer shorts on which leaves nothing to the imagination. A coy smirk on his lips completes the image and ensures whoever is looking at it knows exactly what’s inside this magazine.

Ryuji sits up enough to see the cover before he chucks the magazine across the room. “Fuck off Shima!”

Shima laughs again but leaves, taking the smell of bleach with him. My eyes stay trained on the magazine now lying on the floor, the cover face up.

Huh…

“Does that help answer your question?”  I don’t look up but I feel the bed move as he rolls over so his back is facing me.

“…you’re gay?” I don’t intend to sound so shocked but it ends up that way.

“No shit.” Comes his snarky response.

I immediately start thinking back to school and try to pick up any times Ryuji gave an indication of his preference but come up empty. I can’t remember a single time something happened with a girl or guy actually. There’s been things with the others. Not as obvious as Shima of course but they’re easy to pick up on. Sheimi blushed and stuttered every time Yukio talked to her the first few weeks of class. Izumo stopped mid-sentence at the beach when a guy walked by and watched him until he turned the corner. Heck, Konekomaru even blushed and wore a dopey smile that one time a girl was lost and asked him for directions. But with Ryuji? Nothing. Not a single incident comes to mind over the course of the last year.

“Well…I guess I just never thought about it.” I finally look over at him and see the muscles in his back and shoulders tighten. “You just never seemed interested in anybody.” That has his shoulders relaxing a bit at least.

“That’s ‘cause school’s more important to me. Dating takes up too much time, it’s a distraction.” That last part is mumbleded and it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.

“You had a boyfriend and it didn’t work out.”

Ryuji gives a weary sigh. “Boyfriend doesn’t really fit. Taki ‘n I had a…thing back in Kyoto. School was more of a priority to both of us so it was really just foolin’ around during our free time after school. Just an hour or so to destress. At least at first it was like that. We started spending more time together, and not just to screw. My grades slipped a little and I ended things.”

That makes a lot of sense and I’m not surprised. Well, not entirely. The fact he had a boyfriend at all is but not his reasoning and choice. That does lead to me wondering one new big question.

“Why me?” My earlier list of reasons why not comes back and I can hear the doubt and confusion in my own voice. It’s clear enough that Ryuji looks over his shoulder before rolling onto his back again. He makes eye contact for just a second before looking up at the ceiling.

“It’s not like I wanted to like you.”

Ouch. I flinch and look away. Convenient, that’s what I am. Now that school isn’t part of his life relationships are an option again and I’m convenient given the circumstances. I glare at the dirty footprints marring the carpet. I feel ridiculous for all the energy I wasted on this now.

“Wait, no I didn’t mean it like that!” He waves his hands in a panicked gesture, the words rushed. “I mean, I did but not in the way you’re thinking! Ugh...”, Ryuji groans. “Taki always said I sucked at this stuff.” He pulls his hands back and I hear his hand make contact with what I assume to be his face because he hisses and curses again.

“Then what do you mean?” My eyes stay glued on a patch of carpet. I can still feel the hurt from what he first said but curiosity wins out as usual.

Ryuji groans again. All this groaning can’t be good for his throat since it’s already in rough shape. “I mean that when we first met I felt something and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want things to distract me again, especially since I made it to CRAM school.” Makes sense so far, nothing personal at least. “And when I found out that you were not just part demon but Satan’s kid…” There it is. There’s the personal part. “I was mad, really mad. Of course the guy I like is Satan’s kid! Just my fucking luck…Shima told me I was overreacting because of that. He’s kinda the one who knocked some sense into me. Flat out told me I was being a dick not listening to reason, especially since you’ve made it clear you’re just as pissed about being his kid as I was.”

“Shima knows?”

That earns an annoyed laugh. “’Course he knows, I can’t hide any shit like this from him. Never have been. He knew I was into guys before I ever said anything and he knew about Taki. Probably why he threw the magazine in here. Saw an opportunity to give the final push and took it. Asshole.”

“None of that really answers my question though, why me? Especially since you know I’m not entirely human.” I finally look over at him and see him looking at me. His brows are furrowed like he’s trying really hard to come up with the right thing to say.

“Because…” He pauses and looks up at the ceiling, his expression staying the same. “Because fighting with you makes me feel more human. It puts things in perspective for me on what’s really important. I’ve never had much outside of school and Aria training so as annoying as your attitude is about those things, it makes me think. At first I hated it, felt like another distraction but I guess I just never realized how little of a life I really had. I mean, I don’t even have a real hobby!”

“What do you even do in your spare time then?”

“Exercise, study. Both of which Shima and Koneko have said many times doesn’t count as a hobby since they relate back to school.”

Can’t say I’m really surprised but it’s still sad to hear. I don’t know how he can feel what I do when I cook with things like running and memorizing scriptures. To me, it just sounds miserable. Can he really take pride in those things like I do when I make a meal everyone enjoys? What about the euphoria of mastering a new technique? Or even a sense of peace when you’re doing something methodical like chopping veggies?

“To be honest though, logically I shouldn’t feel this way about you.” Ryuji’s voice is soft, hushed, filled with a gentleness I’ve never heard before. “You’re as far away from what I thought I wanted in someone as possible. You don’t really care about school, you’re way more emotional, you’re reckless, you don’t listen to orders, and for God’s sake you’re freaking Satan’s kid!” He scoffs at that last part.

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned that point already.” I mumble back.

“My point is,” he finally looks back at me, his brown eyes finding my own blue ones. “Maybe that opposites attract bullshit isn’t as out there as it seems. Complete opposites would never work, but I guess some of those things bring out the better parts of others and hold back the not so great. Sort of find a balance when you never realized stuff was off before.”

“That’s…really poetic. Not something I would expect to come from you.” That’s for certain. My stomach feels like it’s in knots at his words but the shock that something that deep would come from Ryuji of all people is winning out. His expression darkens but mostly from embarrassment.

“…Ok fine, most of that is what Shima has said and maybe I do listen to that romantic garbage he’s always spewin’…sometimes.” A blush tinges his cheeks and he looks away but for only a second. He seems to force himself to look back at me. “I’ve been thinkin’ about this for a while ok? I’m crap with words ‘n feelings, but…” He heaves a sigh and his gaze shifts down and to the side. I know he’s looking at my tail and I have to fight the urge to move it out of his line of sight. I haven’t tried to hide what I am since the secret got out, but suddenly I feel self-conscious about all these features. “Even after I found out you’re Satan’s kid, I still feel this way. Yeah I was pissed and thought that was the end of things, but it wasn’t. I wanted it to! I REALLY wanted that to be the end of things…but damnit it wasn’t…” He clinches his hands into a fist for a second, still looking at my tail. “You showed me, showed everyone that nothing was different. You were still the same annoying guy who slacks off too much and doesn’t take things seriously.”

He really does suck at this but I understand what he’s trying to say. It’s not a total acceptance of what I am, but it’s more than what a lot of people would be willing to do. I’m not as dumb as the True Cross exorcists think. I know how they feel about me. They may not say or do anything directly, but it’s things like flinching when I smile because it shows my fangs. The flash of fear when I’m not expected somewhere. Angry whispering to colleagues when they think I can’t hear them. I don’t know if anyone will ever really accept me as I am, but I feel like Ryuji is the closest to that. Everyone is still nervous around me to different extents, more so after the incident in the crater, but I feel like that left me at the same level as them.

Can this really work?

I don’t hear Ryuji sit up or even realize he’s so close until a hand on my jaw turns me to look at him. His expression is his usual grumpy looking mask but I catch the nervousness in his eyes just before he leans forward to press his lips to mine. It’s not fast, hard, and desperate like before. I’m not caught off guard and frozen in place either. This time the pressure is soft, tentative and I know what is happening.

It’s a question.

Ryuji has always been one to show rather than tell what he’s thinking and feeling so I’m not surprised his way of asking if this is ok. Asking if this is something I want to pursue with a gentle kiss. He knows I’m more than strong enough to push him away, he gave me time to do so just before he leaned in too. I could have said no before but I didn’t. And now that I can feel this, I know what choice I want to make.

And why not? Even I didn’t’ feel this warmth slowly seeping through my veins, the flurry of excited butterflies in my stomach, my heart stuttering an unsure beat with this kiss, I’ve felt things around Ryuji lately I haven’t felt before. He’s been there when I’ve needed someone the most and helped me through things even he’s not so sure about because I needed him. He’s held me back, pushed me forward, made me stop and think. I’ve never been as close to somebody as I have with him. He likes me, and he knows who I am. He likes me and knows what I am. I may not have considered a relationship with a guy before, but why should I let that hold me back? Why not give this a chance?

I tilt my head to the side and lean in closer to deepen the kiss, giving him an answer. He exhales sharply through his damaged nose like he had been holding his breath. It doesn’t last long and it’s nothing more than closed lips but it’s enough. I feel Ryuji smile before he starts to pull away. I want to say something. I want to ask him what we do now. I want to know what he’s thinking. I want to ask him how he thinks this is going to work.

The closet door bursts open in a loud crash that has both of us jumping apart before I can voice anything.

Everyone flies into the room in a desperate pile of limbs and several cries of pain when elbows, knees, and feet make contact. Yukio jumps up from somewhere near the bottom of the pile and slams the door shut, cutting off the connection between here and Vatican City. He pauses for only a second to take a deep breath, his shoulders heaving with the sigh of relief before opening it again and grabbing at the hinges. He pulls and there’s no resistance as the wood cracks and splinters, leaving the frame a mangled mess but the door free.

“Jesus Chicken, bit of an overkill don’t ‘cha think?”

Shura. She sits up and it’s impossible to miss the messy tangle of fire red hair. Yukio turns around to give her a cold look, one that seems exclusively for her, and she returns it with a cocky smile.

Everything worked out. This messed up plan of Ryuji’s worked. We’re all back here in the house safe and together. A tightness in my chest I hadn’t realized was there slips away as I watch everyone untangle themselves and sprawl out on the carpet with plenty of groans and complaints.

Maybe everything will be ok after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this note at the end because I figured people were more interested in the chapter than my whining :)
> 
> First of all, I am so sorry guys! I never had any intention of Aftershocks having such a long wait between chapters. Real life is not going well is the long story short. My three grad school classes are a lot tougher this semester than the last which doesn't work well when I...well work 40 hours a week. On top of that my health has been not too great. I have some mental health issues that have never been a problem before but with this high stress level that's changed. As if I don't have enough going on to worry about...because of all that I'm sorry to say I can't give an estimate for when the next chapter will be posted. The only reason this chapter got written is because our big 2 year accreditation inspection at work happened. Because I'm in administration, I ended up being the one to be at the ready to make any changes that can be accepted on site. Which translates to me sitting at my desk for 8.5 hours doing nothing but write. Whatever I got paid to write this, not going to complain! Another thing is that I know this chapter is a little rougher than usual. I've tried to find time for editing but it's been 30 minutes here, 15 there sort of thing. I'll probably come back to this to make changes at a later date.
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you for sticking with me through this unexpected hiatus. I love and appreciate all of you. To those that have left me comments and e-mails, I'll respond to those shortly. This week is mid-terms which means I have a week long break of coursework. Thanks again guys!


	19. Fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't begin to thank you guys enough for all your kind words with my last chapter update (I admit that I teared up a bit reading them). I really needed those messages to get me through the second half of the semester. Finals are next week then I have a 6 week break before the next semester. Hopefully I can get a few more updates in before this hell starts all over again. I'd also like to make a disclaimer with this chapter: my husband edited it. I've never had anyone edit my writing before but with everything going on I had to cave. I'll have him edit the previous chapter too and re-post it but for now, enjoy this one. For the record, after less than a minute of reading he started laughing and asked how much lorazopham I was on when I wrote. I threw a pillow at him.

“Izumo move your feet!” I’m not ashamed to admit I whine as I weakly shove at her.

“Make me Okumura.” She mumbles into the pillow from her bed, not even opening her eyes. If anything she moves her feet closer to me to somehow take up more room. I growl in annoyance and smack her legs with a cushion.

“You’re taking up half the couch!”

“Like I said Okumura, make me.”

“Silence would be appreciated when I’m doing stitches!” Yukio yells from across the room.

“Yeah! And as the one getting the stitches, I’d appreciate it too!”

“Sorry Shura…” We both mutter back. I turn to glare at Izumo only to be met in kind. She maintains eye contact for only a second before rolling them and burrowing further into the pillow she’s lying on. I roll my eyes too, even knowing she doesn’t see it, and lean away from her and against Ryuji’s shoulder. I can feel him tense up at the contact but relax just as quickly. I take that as a sign that this is ok so I kick my feet up onto Izumo’s, ignoring her grunt of protest.

We’re all piled into the living area Shima and I had been waiting in only a few hours ago. Not everyone is hurt and needing medical attention but I get the feeling after being separated no one wants to be apart, even if it’s just to sleep.

Izumo is taking up half of the sectional sprawled out on her belly unapologetically. She has a few scuffs and bruises but the worst is her wrist. She fought a guard at the entrance to the prison and sprained it pretty badly. The joints there are swollen, red, and hot to the touch. The skin around her knuckles is a bit bloody as well, mostly from making contact with the rough fabric of the guy’s uniform. She swears she heard a rib crack from the punch she delivered, and after sparring lessons with her I wouldn’t be too surprised. Either way the guy went down thanks to her and not her familiars which is rather impressive. She shot me a self-satisfied smirk as Sheimi wrapped her wrist with elastic bandages while Yukio worked on Ryuji.

The other half of the couch is taken up by him and me. Why I’m part of the “injured” group is beyond me since I already got a check-up, but Yukio won’t let it go. He keeps checking on both of us every so often as he tends to everyone else; him for signs of a concussion, me for internal bleeding. It’s not too bad, just a few questions here and there, examining my bruising for changes or swelling, but the worst part is that I’m not allowed to go to sleep. SOMEONE had blabbed and told Yukio I was pissing blood which only added to his paranoia. I tried to tell him it was normal but I have a feeling he knows that and is just using it as an excuse to fuss over me. I admit my side is killing me but I’m making an effort not to let it show. Others are more badly hurt, they need the attention. Besides, the only reason it’s this bad is Gray got in a lucky shot and clearly my body is still slow to heal there. I’m sure that after a few days I’ll be completely fine.

Speaking of someone who blabbed, Ryuji looks like hell. It’s clear he’s feeling everything now. The entire time we’ve been camped out here he’s hardly moved. Even during Yukio’s checkups only his mouth moves to answer questions. The only thing he has really done is jab me with his elbow when I’ve started to doze off. How he’s been able to tell is beyond me since his head is resting on the back of the couch with an ice pack covering most of it. Yukio had applied some skin glue to his nose and cheek and given him pain pills but that’s it. I was right with my assessment and unfortunately there isn’t much anyone can do about his injuries.

At least with Yukio’s concerns about a concussion Ryuji isn’t allowed to go to sleep either. A sadistic part of me is rather pleased about that.

Shima is in his armchair from earlier and is sound asleep. His hair is back to pink though it still reeks so strong of chemicals that I can smell from across the room. He’s snoring, face smashed against one of the wings of the gaudy green chair. As soon as everyone was back in the room from changing or cleaning up he was out, like he had just been waiting to know was that everyone was here and ok before letting himself sleep.

Konekomaru is in the same chair next to Shima though he’s still awake, but just barely. I’ve seen him jerk out of light dozes several times now. Like Izumo he has a few scrapes and bruises but nothing requiring attention. Lucky. He’s been silent since getting back. Though normally the quietest of us, it’s still a little unusual for him.

Sheimi is over with Yukio tending to Shura. Save for some plant stains and materials caught in her clothes and hair she came back relatively unscathed as well. Apparently Yukio was right about Sheimi and Nii for defense. Of course now she’s proving just how valuable she is by helping Yukio with Shura. I know Yukio prefers modern medicine but no one can deny the effectiveness of plants like aloe vera, yarrow, and tea tree.

Shura is an absolute mess and that’s obvious from only seeing what little bit isn’t covered by that dingy orange jumpsuit. She was tortured, daily judging by the myriad of colored bruises and various stages of healing in all the cuts. Based on her appearance every known method of torture must have been used. Her face which always held a gentle roundness is now full of harsh lines from sudden and dramatic weight loss. Her once fair skin is now a sickly hue from the lack of sunlight and proper nutrition. Her hands, face, and neck now consist more of broken and damaged flesh than not. Two of her fingers had been broken.  At least that’s what I saw before Yukio and Sheimi began taking off parts of her prison garb. Sheimi cut away a sleeve and revealed at least half a dozen blistering burns from what looked like a hot iron rod. Yukio cut part of the back open and gave a sympathetic hiss of pain. I can’t see what happened but he’s been carefully stitching skin back together for the last 10 minutes.

They’ve been working on her for the last 30 minutes straight and it’s clear Shura is getting anxious. It’s by far the longest stretch they’ve been working on her without pausing to check on me or Ryuji. She’s been fidgeting and huffing impatiently since Yukio started working on her back but now I’m starting to wonder if it’s something else. Shura has never been one to sit still or be taken care of so I originally thought it was just that. After watching her for a while though I’m not so sure. I can’t place it but her behavior doesn’t seem like normal impatience. She’s always vocalized it, shown irritation, but not anxiety. Sheimi pauses to mix more plants from Nii in the stone bowl next to her and Shura takes the opportunity to jump up from the chair.

“Ok break time!” She makes a bee-line for the kitchen and immediately starts going through the cabinets. I finally get a glimpse of her back and see several small cuts held together by black stitches on her shoulder. The area around them is swollen, discolored, and angry looking. Whatever had punctured her had left behind something to cause a horrible infection. It’s partially covered in a salve Sheimi mixed but most of it is still on my brother’s stunned hands. Konekomaru jolts awake again at the sound of her voice. Yukio makes an exasperated noise, wipes his hands on a kitchen towel and follows her while the rest of us (that are awake) turn to watch.

“What are you looking for? I could have just gotten you something.” His voice is soft, oozing sympathy and patience like he’s talking to a small child who’s acting out.

“Oh please Chicken, relax. After a month of being cooped up I just want some booze.” Another cabinet slams shut and I almost miss Yukio’s squawk of shock.

“Alcohol is the last thing you should have!” He manages, his prior tone gone. He pauses and follows it up with, “Besides, there isn’t any. With how long we’ve been here we would have found it by now.”

“This is Mephisto’s house isn’t it? Trust me, there’s booze here.” She opens the pantry door and I hear a triumphant noise. “Bingo!”

“What? It’s a return air vent.”

“In a pantry? Tell me Chicken, does that make sense?”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Didn’t think so.”

I turn more and crane my head enough to see Shura pulling a knife out of the storage block. Yukio is just standing to the side with his arms crossed in disapproval. She ducks down out of my line of sight to use the knife to unscrew the vent from the wall. I guess I never thought about the large metal vent cover in there. It’s not like I know that kind of stuff to begin with though. A few seconds of metal screeching, a few swears, and finally a loud crash as the grate falls to the floor.

“Called it!” The sound of full glass bottles rattling fills the air as Shura stands back up. “Let’s see, what do we have…bubble gum flavored vodka?! What the hell you damn clown!” More glass rattling as she puts the brightly colored bottles on the counter. “Cotton candy, birthday cake, all of this is gross flavored vodka! Jesus this guy has the taste of a 1st year sorority girl…whatever, I’ll take what I can get.” Shura cracks the seal of one and takes a swig straight from the bottle. That seems to be Yukio’s breaking point. His shocked expression morphs into anger and he swipes the bottle out of her hands, spilling some of it on the floor. The smell of sickly sweet artificial flavors and the sting of alcohol perfume the air.

“That’s enough! You’re hurt and the last thing your body needs is poison! Get back on the chair and let us take care of you!”

Shura returns his angry look. “I’m the adult and you’re the angry teenager here Chicken, stop acting all high and mighty.”

“Then start acting like an adult and not like this is some kind of game!”

“I am well aware of what exactly is going on here, better than you that’s for certain. Now give me the bottle back Chicken!”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” His yell jolts Shima and Izumo awake and suddenly all pairs of eyes are on them. Even Ryuji has removed the ice bag to get a better look at what’s going on. Shura slowly crosses her arms, careful to hold them away from her chest and not brush against the angry burns mottling her one exposed arm.

“I’ll stop calling you that when you stop acting like one. You don’t understand what’s going on-Let me finish!” Yukio shuts his mouth but I can see his free hand, the hand not holding the bottle, tighten into a fist near his side. “You’ve made it clear too many times you’d rather keep your head buried in the sand than know the truth. You’re too scared to face reality and instead you pretend everything is fine and dandy until it all blows up in your face. Well here’s so news for ya, shit’s about to hit the fan. I didn’t spend over a month in prison being tortured because I wanted to; I did it because I had to! There’s a far bigger picture to this and you’re refusing to see it. For someone as smart and hailed as a prodigy to True Cross, you sure act like a stupid kid outside the classroom.”

Yukio finally snaps and I see his fist tighten enough to draw blood and the hand holding the bottle tightens until the glass starts to crack. “I’m not acting like a kid! If anything, you are! Stop being stubborn and irresponsible, take this seriously, if anything, for once in your life! Now sit back down so Moriyama and I can finish treating you!”

“Uh-uh, we’re done here. You didn’t listen to a word I said and I’m done with dealing with you.” Shura moves to swipe the bottle back but Yukio holds it high above his head.

“You’re still hurt! I can see burns around the collar of your shirt, let us treat it!”

“Not happening.” She reaches up to try and grab the bottle again but misses. “Seriously Chicken, you’re starting to piss me off. Give it back!”

“No! Get back in the chair!”

Shura huffs and fixes Yukio with a look of disdain. I’ve never seen such a cold or hateful look from her before and clearly neither has my brother. He flinches but still holds the bottle out of her reach with a glare.

“Ya know what? Fine! You aren’t the one touching those burn though, come on Moriyama.” Shura turns and storms towards the other entrance to the kitchen which leads to the bedrooms, not even bothering to look over at Sheimi to see if she obeys.

“Why not?!” Yukio yells back as Sheimi obediently races past him with Nii on her shoulder, supplies rattling in her arms.

Shura pauses at the threshold, her back to everyone. “Remember those seals I had tattooed on my chest and stomach? Yeah they aren’t there anymore. Figured I’d save ya from the first pair of real tits you see being mutilated ones.” Stunned silence falls save for the soft sock clad footsteps of Sheimi and Shura walking down the hall.

Holy shit…I turn my head to look up at Ryuji. He’s still looking at where the two girls left, his bruised and swollen eyes as wide as they can get in their current state. I don’t even know where to start with processing all this stuff and it seems like I’m not the only one. Everyone in the room is silent, the tension Shura left behind is thick and choking. No one offers anything but I can feel several pairs of eyes dart around the room. Some pause on me and Ryuji, but I don’t look away from him.

I wonder if Ryuji realizes that’s what would have happened to him if he’d been caught.

An involuntary shudder wracks my frame which seems to pull Ryuji out from whereever his mind had wandered. He must have picked up on what I’m thinking because the arm I’m leaning against makes its way around my shoulders. It’s casual enough for everyone around us but I understand. I lean more heavily against his less injured side and close my eyes, listening to his heartbeat. For once he doesn’t jostle me to make sure I’m staying awake.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum

Ryuji is here, he’s ok.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

We’ll be ok.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up to the smell of pork and Sichuan peppercorns.

The meat is just starting to cook and I can hear it sizzling in hot oil. The peppercorns have just finished roasting, releasing their aromatics. The smell is heavenly and I take a deep breath to savor it. Meat, real meat! Oh it’s been so long since I’ve been able to enjoy that smell! And it’s real, it’s coming from the kitchen!

Holy shit it’s real and it’s coming from the kitchen.

My eyes snap open in shock when I make that realization and I look around. At some point Ryuji moved to lay down causing me to go down with him. I’m pinned between him and the back of the couch, half on top of him with my head on his chest. He’s still sound asleep and his deep, even breaths raise and lower me gently with his arm still around me. I can feel not only mine but Ryuji’s feet tangled with Izumo’s in the corner though hers are mostly buried under the cushions. Snoring is coming from across the room from Shima who has his head on one arm of the chair and his legs hanging over the other. Konekomaru is curled up like a cat in the other chair managing to fit most of his small body on the cushion. Sitting up a bit I can see Izumo and assume she’s still asleep. At some point after sunrise she must have moved her pillow to cover her head to block out the light; all I can see is a mess of purple hair coming out from under it. Looking towards the floor I see Sheimi. She has her back against the sectional and the comforter from her bed cocooned around her. Kuro is culled up against her feet situated against her comforter and enjoying a ray of sunshine coming through the windows. No sign of Shura or Yukio though.

“Well, at least one of you is finally awake.”

The slightly breathy, taunting voice behind me has my blood running cold. Oh god no! My stomach clenches at the memory of his “oatmeal” from last year making me groan. Great, just like that my dream of real food disappears.

“Oh don’t be like that, my cooking is fine! And besides, Ukobach is the one cooking.”

Elation at seeing the demon and having his cooking fills me for a moment before annoyance kicks in. This guy seriously has a talent for making me go on emotional roller coasters. I turn my head and glare at his smug expression. Mephisto folds his arms along the back of the couch as his Cheshire cat grin grows.

“Well I’ll say this much:  you all certainly have a way of surprising me! I figured Miss Kirigakure would escape eventually but never would I have guessed it would be because of you all. I must thank you for your timing by the way. I was in the middle of a board meeting discussing the construction updates.”

Dear god does this guy ever shut up? I groan and burry my face into Ryuji’s chest. I am not awake enough to deal with this clown. He must be amused by my grumpiness because he laughs and pats my head like he would a dog.

“Fine, fine! We’ll chat later, there’s much to discuss!”

Damn him…

An hour and a half later we’re all finishing the last of our meal. It’s been…weird. Everyone has been silent the whole time but for very different reasons. On one hand everyone is thoroughly enjoying Ukoboch’s cooking, it is amazing, but just having real food again is blissful. No dehydrated, canned, or instant garbage, just real meat and produce. Everyone has been stuffing themselves nearly sick, not wanting to waste a single bite. On the other hand, everyone can feel the tension building. Shura and Yukio haven’t even made eye contact with each other, choosing to sit at opposite ends of the table. Mephisto’s presence has brought about some weird feelings as well. He’s acting completely oblivious to everything which certainly isn’t helping. Instead he just sits there with a small smirk eating Ukoboch’s mapo tofu with carefully measured bites.

It isn’t until after Ukoboch reappears to start cleaning the table that anyone talks. And of course, it’s Mephisto.

“Now then,” he breaks the silence with an even bigger grin. “After such a lovely meal, I think it’s time we got down to business on a few matters.”

“Is that what this was? Some kind of peace offering?” Shura snaps leaning over her empty plate to glare at him. I expect his haughty attitude to change a little in response to Shura, he’s always shown a little less patience with her, but instead his grin widens.

“I suppose we’ll start with you then Miss Kirigakure. How do your injuries fair?”

“You know damn well how ‘my injuries fair’ asshole, I saw your fluffy white ass more than once while I was down in that hell hole. You’ve seen and heard enough.” Her words are spat with as much venom as one of her familiars.

“Now now, you know as well as everyone else that my intervention would not have been well received...” He pauses and adds in a much lower tone, “by anyone.”

Shura huffs and leans back into her chair, breaking eye contact.

“Fine, how about a more personalized ‘peace offering’ then?” He snaps his fingers and a bottle of fine bourbon whiskey appears in front of her. Shura eyes the bottle of golden liquid for a second before ripping off the seal for a sniff and a swig. Mephisto takes that as an acceptance and smirks.

“I figured you would appreciate that more than what you found in my stash.” Shura flips him off as she takes another swig. “We’ll come back to Miss Kirigakure. Misters Okumura and Suguro, I believe I have you two to thank for the excellent timing. I’m not sure why you were in the district to begin with but I highly doubt it was to steal a key. Either way I was discussing the reopening of the school in January when your attempted mugging occurred. True Cross was still suspicious of me but now it seems like they’ve given up. Not my style for even someone else’s plan you see.”

No one responds but I feel a few glances in my direction.

“Anyways, because of that you’ll get a few luxuries. Ukoboch will be joining you.” My gaze snaps to Mephisto’s and I can’t help smiling. “One of his many abilities includes summoning ingredients so you shouldn’t have to worry about food anymore.”

“Why couldn’t we have him before?! And for that matter, why didn’t you show up with more food like you said you would?!” Izumo’s outburst seems to break some of the tension and I get the feeling most of us were wondering the same thing.

Mephisto’s expression sours but doesn’t look outright angry. “A bit difficult to do so when you have an entire organization watching your every move. I’ve never been trusted and since all of this started I’ve been just as much a suspect as Miss Kirigarkure. The cold indifference I showed at your trial 7 months ago, Mister Okumura, hardly mattered. The simple fact that both of us are demons implicated that I must somehow be involved. Fortunately the evidence, or lack thereof, did not agree. So, while Ukoboch was confined to the school kitchens providing for the construction crews, I was being monitored so closely I couldn’t sip tea without someone noticing. Forgive me for forcing you to temporarily eat like the wayward criminals you actually are on whatever non-perishables you would have scavenged without a roof over your head.”

Izumo looks away without a word and Mephisto’s smirk returns.

“If that’s the only grievance held against me, then I’ll continue.” Mephisto looks at me and Yukio but focuses on him as he talks. “Miss Kirigakure’s escape has of course stirred quite a bit of upset in True Cross. Right now there’s plenty of anger and finger pointing between everyone which is why I’m here; it was easy to slip away in such chaos. Anyhow, there’s plenty of video footage of that night being reviewed and it shows some _very_ interesting things.” He pauses and Yukio looks away after a second, his long hair covering his eyes. Everyone looks at one another for some kind of explanation but it’s clear by the series of shrugs and head shaking no one knows what Mephisto is talking about, not even those that were there.

“For one,” Mephisto continues as if he never paused. “I offer my highest praises for continuing your studies while on the run. I did hope those textbooks would be put to use but then again I was hoping teenagers would voluntarily do school work with no repercussions so my expectations were low.” I want to be offended but he’s absolutely right, I wouldn’t be doing any of that if everyone else wasn’t pushing. “Your skills have clearly improved and it seems you’ve all learned a few new things. For the record Miss Kamiki, yes you broke that guard’s rib.” I don’t have to look to know Izumo is smiling wickedly. There’s no way someone should be so happy about that.

“I’m sure there’s more to discuss as a group but now that Miss Kirigakure’s hostility seems to be dampened I’d like to speak with her privately.” Sure enough nearly a third of the bottle has somehow already disappeared and Shura is looking to be in a much better mood. Her cheeks are brightly flushed and a sloppy smile tugs at her lips. Holy shit did she really drink that much so fast?! I get no time to dwell on it because Mephisto starts making shooing motions. “Go on, go play outside or something.”

I seriously hate this clown.

We do end up outside on the patio with the outdoor fire pit roaring. It’s not as satisfying as the real thing being gas but it does keep everyone warm despite several inches of snow on the ground. I even shed my hoodie for just my thermal as I lounge in front of it with Kuro in my lap. Everyone is doing something to keep busy trying to ignore the tension that hasn’t yet subsided. Some of it, but not all, had slipped away the moment we separated from Shura and Mephisto. I know part of the cause is a bunch of unspoken questions. We haven’t really talked about last night and for some reason nobody seems to want to bring it up which leads to a whole new batch.

Sheimi is carefully examining Izumo’s wrist. It’s still red and swollen but not nearly as angry looking. Whatever salve Sheimi made has definitely taken the edge off Izumo’s knuckles too. Konekomaru has a book in his lap, but he’s not reading. Instead he’s looking through the glass at Mephisto and Shura, still unusually quiet. Ryuji is next to him carefully cleaning a gun like Yukio had shown him. Every piece is laid out meticulously in one row and supplies in another, organized by order of use. I roll my eyes at his OCD behavior before looking out at the makeshift gun range. Shima still seems offended at being left behind on the trip to the Vatican and pushed Yukio for a private lesson. He’s still not comfortable with the weapon though and Yukio seems to be patiently trying to coach him into not being so stiff.

Shura comes out not much later looking almost sober. She’d stolen a shirt from Ryuji’s room earlier but now she’s wearing his wool coat too. Ryuji notices but doesn’t say anything, his clothes are the only ones baggy enough on her busty frame to not put pressure on her injured chest. She flops down next to me and I try to ignore the smell of whiskey on her breath. Now that she’s so close I can smell things like vanilla and wood under the sting of the alcohol. I don’t know if that makes it more or less tolerable. I look towards the doors for Mephisto but I don’t see him.

“Already left.” Shura answers before I get a chance to ask. “Said he’d be back if he has to but I doubt he will. Most of the string he has to pull with you guys he left with me. Don’t know how I feel about that yet, but right now just like a glorified babysitter.”

I turn to glare at her and I’m met with her smirk. Part of me is glad she’s behaving like her old self but the tension from earlier is back, like her behavior is just an act. I look towards Ryuji and see that his shoulders have tensed. He’s still carefully scrubbing the barrel of his gun but the subtle change is enough. He feels it too.

I don’t have to wait long to find out why though.

Shura watches Yukio coach Shima through a couple of shots but he misses the target every time. After Yukio pushes his overgrown hair out of his face for the millionth time she snaps.

“Ok I’ve had enough, screw Mephisto’s advice on this.” Shura gets up suddenly and storms across the snow-covered yard to Yukio. He heard her initial outburst and paused his lesson, turning to face her. Shima slowly lowers the gun once he sees Shura coming towards them. “What’s going on Chicken?”

Yukio’s brows furrow in confusion. “What are you taking about?

“This!” She waves one hand in front of her indicating Yukio’s whole body. “I noticed it right away in the Vatican, so what the hell is going on?”

I hear the click of the gun safety engaging before Shima backs away a few steps, realizing that something is about to happen and he should get out of the way. Everyone else seems to notice too. Silence falls as conversations are abandoned and hands stall from cleaning weapons.

“I still have no idea what you’re talking about!” Yukio throws his arms up in frustration as Shura doesn’t clarify what she means. She glances back at me for a second before looking back at my brother.

Oh shit. I know what she’s talking about now.

Dread fills me as I watch the roundabout argument continue between Yukio and Shura. I know Shura always gets results, however messed up her methods may be, but I know nothing good can happen with this. I haven’t been training with the sword, practicing controlling my flames, or even taken off my ring this whole time we’ve been here. I’ve made no progress with training my demonic abilities, but neither has my brother.

Unlike him though, my tail and ears are never hidden.

When I confronted him about it things went about as poorly as they possibly could. I know I’m not the best person for this kind of stuff, but I’m the only one that could understand! Yukio always says how stubborn I am and I know that’s true, but the truth is he’s worse. It doesn’t happen often since he’s usually so patient and calm under pressure, but when he gets something in his head there’s no way he’s giving up. That’s probably what got him through exorcist training so young honestly. He got the notion that he had to be the one to protect me, to become stronger. In the end he did, but at what personal cost?

Shura suddenly throws a punch at Yukio which he avoids easily.

“What the hell are you doing?!” He avoids another punch by backing up several steps, putting the gun range table between them.

“Fight me Chicken!” Shura launches herself over the table with both feet poised to slam into his chest. Yukio again back steps to avoid her strike. The second her feet hit the ground Shura swings a round house kick but again fails to make contact when Yukio jumps to the side, landing farther away than a normal human would.

“No! You’re hurt! Stop before you make anything worse!” He yells.

Shura ignores him and follows him farther out into the yard with every back step and jump he takes. They’re practically to the tree line where the targets are hung when Yukio finally snaps.

“Enough!” He thrusts out his right hand, most likely in an attempt to push her away but Shura is expecting it. She grabs his wrist and wraps herself around it. Yukio is taken by surprise and stumbles but manages to keep from falling on her.

“Ya know, in the 9 years we’ve been together, you’ve never worn jewelry.”

No!

I jump out of the chair causing it to fall backwards to the ground with a loud bang, Kuro claws at my leg before falling to the ground. My side protests the sudden motion with a shockwave of pain up my spine but I ignore it as I race towards them. Faintly I hear Ryuji yell my name.

No no no!

Shura yanks the ring off before I’m halfway across the yard.

It’s instantaneous. Blue flames flicker to life casting the trees in an earie glow, Yukio’s ears elongate, poking out of his shaggy brown hair, claws and fangs grow to deadly lengths, and finally his tail unwraps from around his torso, falling out from under his sweater as the rush of demonic power flows through him. A broken belt follows it and disappears into the snow.

Yukio just stands there stunned for a second while Shura steps aside, examining the black ring. I freeze as well, waiting to see what happens.

Yukio slowly raises his shaking hands, examining his claws. His eyes are wide behind his glasses, panic written all over his face as he turns them over. Blue flames dance around the digits before disappearing into thin air in response to the motion.

“G-give it back!” His voice warbles, his fear even clearer. He doesn’t look up from his hands though. By now I know everyone is watching in horrified silence. They heard the exchange between the two of us before Ryuji and I left for the district. They know how Yukio feels about being a demon. They know this can’t end well.

“Not gonna happen.” Shura says as she looks up from the ring. “You need to accept th-Hey!” She jumps back several feet avoiding Yukio’s swipe at the hand holding the jewelry.

“Give it back!” His voice is stronger, fear shifting to anger. Not good. He keeps trying to grab it back but every time Shura manages to keep out of his reach. It’s really impressive how well she moves considering how badly hurt she is but I don’t take time to marvel at it, my attention is on my brother. I’ve never seen him like this, completely desperate and terrified, at least not since we were kids. One time when we were really small another kid had taken Yukio’s glasses. Yukio had desperately tried to get them back but the bully was bigger and just held them out of his reach, laughing the whole time. In the end I punched him in the stomach, forcing him to hunch over low enough to get them back. Since then, Yukio has always handled bullies with cold words or indifference, waiting for them to cave or grow bored. He learned that letting that desperation take control wasn’t helpful, it was a hindrance. This situation doesn’t seem all that much different from that incident when we were kids.

“Give it back! Give it back!” He lunges for her but Shura leaps to the side causing him to tumble into the snow. He stays there, heavily panting. After a moment of this the fresh white powder starts to melt away with a hiss and a thick cloud of steam. My gut tells me something bad is about to happen and I start racing towards him again before I can really think about it.

“I said **_GIVE.IT.BACK_** _.”_ His voice shifts to something dark, something sinister, inhuman. It almost doesn’t even sound like him. He lifts his head to glare at Shura, snow melting and sliding down his messy brown hair. His back is to me so I can’t see much but Shura’s face is clear. Whatever she sees is terrifying. I’ve never seen Shura look terrified.

I don’t give it a second thought, I just dive at Yukio.

I crash into him hard enough that both of us slide several feet through the snow. It hisses and melts down to cold mud covering both of us. If it weren’t for the snow I have a feeling the grass would have caught fire from his flames. I had somehow hit him hard enough that I hear the wind get knocked out of his lungs and that grants me the few precious I need to scramble to my knees and look at him.

Mud cakes his neck, chin, and the right side of his face as well as the entire front of his maroon sweater. The sleeves were pushed up partway to his elbows and even with all the mud I can see it. Dark brown fur is creeping up from his hands. I look up to his face and see his fangs extend past his lips which are contorted in an angry snarl. His glasses must have broken and fallen during the crash which allows me to see his eyes unobstructed. His bright blue irises have feathered, the area around the pupil now rimmed in a blood red. I can also see the beginnings of horns through his messy hair.

“No!” I cry out in panic.

I launch myself as best as I can from my position on my knees and crash into him again. I try desperately to pin him, get him in a headlock, something, anything to immobilize him but it’s no use. With his demon blood flowing he’s much stronger than me. Fists smash into my ribs, knees knock the wind out of me, and feet send me into a nearby tree. The wood trunk cracks at the impact but manages to hold the massive pine tree upright. I slide down to the snow with an avalanche following from the branches. I’m dazed, wheezing as I try to regain my breath but I’m up and racing towards him again before he can lunge for Shura. She’s still just standing there staring at my brother with a now blank expression, ring in hand almost mockingly. I land on top of his back managing to wrap my arms around his middle before he can get his feet under him. He collapses under the impact with a pissed-off hiss I’m sure everyone on the patio hears. More slippery mud splatters coating me as well. I dig my nails into his sweater but I know it’s not enough traction to really hold onto him.

“Yukio, stop! Wake up!” It’s louder than it needs to be and both of us flinch. Nothing though. Yukio still scrambles beneath me, loud hisses and growls the only communication he offers. By now his horns have fully appeared and I’m willing to bet the fur has reached his elbows under his sweater. Those stupid horns though…Yukio seems to have realized they’re there because he suddenly snaps his head back, one of the rough, twisting projections slams between my eyes. I cry out, feeling blood run down the bridge of my nose and stars explode behind my closed eyes.

“Rin!”

“Yuki!”

Fuck no!

I swear my heart stops and I can feel the exact moment Yukio’s attention shifts. It’s like things move in slow motion at that point. Yukio turns his head to look at Ryuji who’s standing in the middle of the yard with his now assembled gun pointed at us. I know he wouldn’t kill Yukio, but I also know that it won’t do any good if he tried. That night in the crater Yukio and I killed god knows how many men while they emptied round after round at us. None of them gave us more than a graze, so why would his shot be any different? Sheimi is standing next to Ryuji, Nii already unfurling vines from her shoulder to protect his Tamer. She looks nervous but not afraid, like she truly believes Yukio won’t hurt her.

I don’t share that belief.

Yukio seems to realize this too because he suddenly twists in my arms. As I expected my grip on his sweater isn’t enough. I land hard (fortunately) on my uninjured side and Yukio manages to end up chest to chest with me. He pulls his knees up and plants his feet against my hips. A sharp kick and go flying once again. The second he’s free he takes off towards them. I hear Shura yell for them to run, a few cracks of gun shots, and it’s all I need to make the decision.

The ring comes off my finger before I hit the ground and I feel liquid heat rush through my veins. The transition has always been nearly instantaneous but never something I’ve enjoyed. I can feel my ears and fangs grow, my senses heighten, and my flames burst into life. It feels…odd. Not necessarily wrong, but it never feels right. I push those thoughts aside and follow my instincts. It’s a last resort, but I know it’ll work.

Back at the crater, Yukio was submissive. He had waited for my demon blood to take control, for me to take the lead. Whatever that is, I know I can use it. I don’t like it, but I’m not about to let my own fears win and allow other people to get hurt. How I tap into it is still a mystery but I know I have to at least try.

I land on my back in the snow which instantly melts under my flames. I’m on my feet just as quickly. Yukio is frozen just out of arms reach from Ryuji who still has his gun raised, Sheimi pushed behind him with an arm blocking Yukio’s path. His expression is twisted, torn. He has to recognize them! Even in this state there’s no way he doesn’t know who they are. So why is he acting like he’s going to attack them? As confusing as the situation is the hesitation tells me that my brother is somewhere in there. Kuro has shifted into his larger form behind Sheimi, waiting to move and protect them. He seems to have sensed the shift in my brother as well and paused his advance. His yellow eyes are fixed on him with one paw raised to be put between them if the need arises. Yukio jerks his gaze down and locks it on the gun.

Oh shit, that’s why.

Yukio shakes his head and snarls, crouching a bit to launch himself.

Something in me snaps. I don’t know if I reached for it intentionally or not but I feel it. Some part of me reaches to somewhere I can’t be sure and breaks the last seal. Heat floods through my veins like before but the shift isn’t just physical, nor is it painful like last time. I feel my claws turn into talons, the itch of fur breaking out over the skin of my hands and arms, and the twin heavy horns extend from my skull. Lastly I feel my mind shifting, some parts shutting down as my thoughts simplify. I don’t feel this blinding rage coursing through me like that night so long ago, instead it’s more like a protective instinct. I don’t want to cause pain or harm, I want to prevent it.

A roar rips its way out of my chest, loud and echoing through the trees. Birds take to the sky with terrified cries. My brother finally looks up from his would-be-prey and drops his hands. Still defiant though. His stance shows he will still attack.

Not ok.

He snarls a challenge and I charge. He fights, pushes, punches, bites. Fangs bite into my shoulder, fists slam into my ribs, claws rake across my chest. Blood, mud, and saliva mix on my skin but still he fights. Inexperienced, poorly, but still he fights. I refuse to hurt though. I ignore the pain he causes.

I shove brother farther away from them, putting myself between them. Brother growls and pulls back a fist. Brother punches, I grab fist, pull, twist. He stumbles. Opening. Arm around his throat, growl. Threat. Obey like good brother. Stand down. Talons digging into my arm still, drop. Head tilts to the side exposing neck. Submissive. Good brother. I let go of his neck slowly. He stays.

Ring.

I look up and see teacher next to partner and friend now. Ring there. I hold out my hand. She doesn’t move. I growl and throw my hand out again. Understand! Partner does. He grabs ring from her, walks to me. No fear. He places ring in my open hand. I grab brother’s hand and shove ring on finger. Hard.

He changes fast. Ears, flames, horns, talons, all gone. He collapses. Tired. Panting.

I look at partner, he’s looking at me. Partner. I grab his hoodie and pull him to me. Messy, muddy, still he holds me close. Sight, smell, feel. All safe. All ok.

The shift is slow for me. It’s like waking up from a dream, disorienting and hazy as my mind drifts back to what it was. I focus on his scent. Familiar, comforting. Old books, gunpowder, cedar shaving cream, the spicy, musty, unmistakably masculine smell that’s unique to him. It helps, keeps me grounded. The demon blood in me fades away, going back to wherever it sleeps. I feel my horns shrink until they are finally non-existence, the talons piercing his hoodie withdraw to blunted nails, the fur falls away, my flames dwindle and die, and my fangs reduce to a comfortable length. As the last of my demon blood leaves I shiver at the sudden blast of cold. I’m caked in nearly frozen mud, the rest of me is soaked from melted snow, and I can still feel blood oozing from various wounds. The comforting warmth from my flames no longer protects me and for the first time I miss them. The tips of my ears, my nose, and my fingers instantly lose circulation as my mostly human body attempts to protect and warm my core. Ryuji doesn’t seem to care that he’s getting dirty and wet as well, he just holds me closer to try and share his body heat. I look up and give him an exhausted smile which he returns. Good, he isn’t mad. I do feel bad about the sudden, obvious, and very much public show of affection since Shima is the only one that knows what’s going on between us but he doesn’t seem to care.

“Rin?”

I look to the side and see Sheimi holding my ring out to me. Nii is perched on her shoulder still retracting vines. Thank god because there’s no way I would have been able to find that stupid thing in the snow on my own. I mentally apologize for what must be the hundredth time for thinking her familiar was lame the first time she summoned him. I take the small piece metal out of her gloved hand and slip it back on. I don’t feel anything change physically but I do feel a sort of door close, locking out my demon blood. I’m grateful for the barrier, but it doesn’t feel like a crutch as it did before.

“You ok?” Ryuji’s voice is soft, husky.

“Yeah, just tired.” My limbs feel heavy, my new wounds sting, and I can feel a headache starting behind my eyes, but nothing unbearable.

“You took a few hard hits, are you sure you’re ok? What about your side?” Sheimi is already pulling at my thermal so I just let her.

“I’m fine, really Sheimi. I can feel everything healing. Thanks.” It’s mostly true, I can feel the tingling, itching sensation of the minor injuries starting to heal but others like the punctures in my shoulder are still bleeding. Sheimi takes a moment to look me over anyways. She doesn’t look pleased with what she sees but in the end seems to trust my judgement. She gives a defeated sigh showing that she’s giving in but gives me a look that promises she’ll be checking up on me later.

“What do we do about Yuki?” Her expression instantly softens as she looks at him.

I look down and see that he’s still unconscious. A few cuts around his eyes from his broken glasses are still bleeding but other than that he appears uninjured.

Fuck I do not want to deal with the aftermath of this.

I growl with annoyance before pulling out of Ryuji’s warm and comforting embrace. I reach down to pick him up by his underarms like he did for me last night. That seems to rouse him somewhat. I get him up to his knees and he groans as he puts a hand to his head. If I have a headache than he must have a migraine.

“Yukio? I need ya to help me out here.” I whisper as gently as I can. He still flinches. “Keep yourself upright for a while, I’m going to help get ya into the house. Think you can do that?”

He pulls his hand away just enough to put it palm down and wave it in a “sorta” motion.

“Good enough.” I kneel down and shift him so he’s got an arm around me and leaning heavily on my shoulder before standing up.

“H-hey kid…” Her voice is tentative, unsure. It’s so unlike her usual tone I almost don’t realize who’s talking. When I do I feel rage.

“Not.Now.” I snarl. I don’t bother looking at Shura as I mostly carry Yukio back to the house. His feet drag in the several inches of snow, slowing out progress. Ryuji and Sheimi open the double doors to the house but stay behind with everyone else on the patio. I know we’re tracking mud, snow, and blood through the house and I desperately hope nobody makes me be the one responsible for cleaning it up later.

Getting the two of us into the shower in his bedroom is a massive struggle. The tile is instantly slick once our wet and muddy shoes make contact so I give up on keeping both of us on our feet. Yukio sits propped up against the wall well enough on his own that I start to take off his shoes. I have one filthy tennis shoe off and I’m pulling at the laces of the other when Yukio seems to come to his senses, mostly.

“Rin?” His voice is shaky and uncertain. I look up from the knot in his laces to see his twisted expression. I can’t tell if it’s mostly the migraine, him trying to focus his weak eyesight, or if he’s still out of it. Either way it’s concerning to me. I shifted too but I just feel bone deep exhaustion, some aches from the fight, and a mild headache. Why is his reaction so much more different than mine?

“Yeah it’s me. Come on we need to get cleaned up.” He tilts his head to the side a bit but nods in understanding. I finally get his other shoe off and toe out of mine. I don’t bother with the rest of our clothes because now both of us are shaking from the cold. I turn the water on causing Yukio to flinch before blinking owlishly at me as I kneel back in front of him. I start pulling off my brothers sodden clothes and pile them up in the corner. Mud and grass leaks from the pile which instantly tries to clog the drain.

I notice the bands on his chest once he’s free of his sweater. Bruises outline where belts held his tail in place too tightly. The voids where his tail wrapped around him have the darkest outlines. I know Yukio isn’t happy about being part demon, but to actually hurt himself to hide these parts of him? I look up trying to make eye contact with him but he’s just staring at his pile of clothes with a blank expression.

I have no idea what the hell I’m doing…

I don’t know how to deal with this; I don’t know how to help him. For being someone in the most understanding position, I feel like I should at least have some idea. But I don’t. Yukio and I are brothers, twins even, yet we’re polar opposites in personalities, ways of thinking, beliefs, ideals. I don’t know what he wants or what he needs. I don’t know how to make him feel better about any of this.

I reach out and wrap my arms around Yukio’s shoulders to do the only thing I can think of. I’m still dressed and my thermal is heavy with mud but I pull him into a hug anyways. Yukio tenses but I just squeeze him closer. I feel my injured shoulder protest as more blood oozes out of the holes caused by his teeth. If Yukio notices he doesn’t say anything, he just slowly wraps his arms around me, pushing his face into my filthy clothing.

What the fuck do I do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional message not relevant to the story, feel free to skip:
> 
> I wanted to post a chapter on the 1 year anniversary and include this but that didn't happen. Figured better late than never so here it is! I know I've said it before, but I really never expected this kind of response to Aftershocks. Here's why: I was never going to share it.
> 
> January 27th of 2016 I had a bilateral mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction (feel free to look up that stuff, I figured I'd skip explaining and going overboard). It took 6 weeks for me to recover. I had to walk to get everything to stretch out and force the skin to grow but for the first 2 weeks I relied on a wheelchair or walker; that means I spent a lot of time in bed. During that time I watched Blue Exorcist and decided to do something productive with all my free time, put together a story. Not working and having half a year between graduating with my BS and starting on my MPH, I really had nothing else to do. April 6th I had my second surgery and had to start the process all over with recovering though it wasn't nearly as extreme. They did have to cut more out of my hips though so now I have a scar that goes almost all the way around me (only about 5 inches between the start and end on my back). I like to joke that the magic trick where the lady get's sawed in half went wrong on the rare occasion someone see's it. Anyways! I put all this time into character mapping, outlining, and writing the first few chapters my husband (then fiance) pushed me to post it. It took about a month but eventually I caved. Not once have I regretted it.
> 
> To sum things up I just wanted to let you guys know just how much this story means to me. It started out as something to kill time and distract me from my body. Having 4 drains, hundreds of stitches, losing the feeling of a quarter of my torso, having no independence, it was really hard to go through mentally and working on Aftershocks was cathartic in a way. Now it's doing the same while I struggle through grad school. Thank you so much for all your love and support, you all mean so much to me. Have a wonderful holiday season :)


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